Category Archives: Thankfulness

Newlywed Love (#29)

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Newlywed Love (#29)

February 6, 1970

Nate and I had been married for 70 days when we hit some “white water rapids” in our adjustment to being husband and wife. Much like the misunderstanding that occurred when he bought the Christmas tree without me, this episode was similar. It was a minor disagreement related to how our varied upbringings had taught us differently — neither was right or wrong, just not the same.

As with the Christmas tree, my response was not to ask rational questions or use logic but to burst into tears.

I wasn’t weeping to manipulate Nate or get my way. That hadn’t even occurred to me. The crying was completely involuntary, and as always, I made no attempt to hold it back.

What I hadn’t considered was how upsetting my tears were to Nate, just as they had been in December. He immediately blamed himself for causing me to cry, which he saw as a catastrophe. This compounded the issue at hand and tipped the blame heavily in his direction. And that wasn’t right.

After our clash, we had restored our relationship quickly with lots of hugging and affirmations of love. But the next morning, as I tried to teach school, I was still bothered by my irrational tears and the extra stress they added to Nate.

I kept picturing his grief-stricken face as he tried to comfort me enough to stop my crying, and I felt terrible about it.

During my lunch break, I decided to write him a letter.

The only paper I had was a sheet of newsprint from my students’ art bin, but it was good enough. I wanted to reassure Nate of my unshakable love and also thank him for putting up with my tears. And I wanted him to know that my weeping wasn’t “the end of the world” as he seemed to think it was.

Letter.

I knew I couldn’t ask Nate to just get used to it, and I didn’t want him to go to the other extreme, disregarding my tears as insignificant. I loved when he comforted me. But I hoped he could learn not to see it as a disaster but just as one of the foibles of his bride.

I wanted him to know, in writing, how grateful I was for his patient, caring response to me the day before, and in a way, I wanted to apologize for upsetting him so much.

By writing a letter, I hoped to build up my young husband and sympathize with him for his having to accept me “as is.” And rather than hand it to him that evening, I decided to mail it – from Champaign to Champaign.

Envelope

That way the message would have greater impact than if I just said it out loud. He could read and re-read it, hopefully being uplifted each time.

I thought back to our pre-marriage days when both Nate and I had prepared for marriage by reading books about it. All the authors agreed that difficult challenges were sure to come, and we had said, “Oh, not with us.”

Now we were beginning to see what they meant.

“After you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.” (1 Peter 5:10)

Newlywed Love (#26)

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January 29, 1970

RosesNate did something on our 2nd month anniversary that was completely unexpected. He bought me a dozen long-stemmed red roses! This was over-the-top generosity, since our finances were so lean, and I was astounded. He explained:

“I’ll never get over that I found you. I don’t deserve you, and yet here you are – married to me. All the roses in town couldn’t express my love for you.”

Nate's cardI heard his words, but as always had trouble believing I could possibly mean that much to him. My thinking was just the opposite – that I didn’t deserve him. And I certainly hadn’t done anything to merit a dozen roses or the “love forever” he pledged on the card.

But Nate’s love didn’t originate in my being worthy to receive it or performing well. It was just based on me…. self-focused, flawed me.

He was one of a kind. He listened carefully whenever I talked. He made no effort to sway my decisions or change my opinions. And he never criticized my many mistakes. Instead he spoke encouragement and heaped praise on me for even the small things, like doing the dishes.

Though I felt I didn’t deserve such devotion, it sure felt good to receive it. And it let me be me, without having to pretend about anything.

2nd anniversary card, frontAs I stood holding my gorgeous roses, I felt sheepish giving Nate my modest anniversary gift. It was a contemporary card that said, “We’ve got what it takes to have a Happy Anniversary…. each other.” (right) I had taped a picture of myself inside and written a note, thanking him for all the help he gave me around the apartment (below).

2nd anniversary cardAs I handed it to him, I apologized for such a minimal gift. He opened it, studied it, and said, “I couldn’t have wanted anything more. You’re giving me you! And in a pretty butterscotch dress.”

He took the roses from me and set them down so he could deliver some Happy Anniversary hugs and kisses. And as always, he had made everything turn out just right.

“A man’s ways are in full view of the Lord.” (Proverbs 5:21)

Newlywed Love (#25)

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January 26, 1970

BlizzardAfter Dad and I purchased the black Mustang, I couldn’t wait to drive it back to Champaign to show Nate our classy new wheels. Heavy snow made the 156 miles time-intensive and nerve-racking. But there was no way to contact Nate as I traveled along, so I just kept going, one mile at a time. Knowing he was waiting for me made it all worth it.

As I pulled up in front of our apartment building, Nate must have been anxiously looking out the window, because he came running down the steps and outside to greet me. He didn’t care nearly as much about the car as he did about me, worried for my welfare in the storm. It was gratifying to watch relief wash over him as he put his arms around me.

“I was so upset,” he said, “that something might have happened to you!” Covering my face and neck with kisses he whispered, “I could never live without you.”

I still didn’t understand why he loved me so much, but at that moment I didn’t need a reason. I accepted his loving care and was sure I could never feel more cherished than I did right then.

Snowy MustangOnce we stopped hugging in the middle of the street, he stood back to admire the Mustang – and was pleased. We both climbed in, and he pulled it around to the back alley where there was space to park. “You and your dad did well,” he said.

Upstairs, we made some coffee and shared the details of our weekend apart. He had some interesting tales from his first shifts at H & R Block, and I gave him the details of how Dad and I found the car. “If anything goes wrong during the first month,” I said, “we can bring it back, and they’ll fix it.”

Coffee mug.Nate made a fire, and the two of us sat on a blanket in front of it for a long time, sipping coffee and feeling thankful to be “in touch” again. We agreed there was nothing like a separation to make us appreciate being together. I told him how glad I’d been as I struggled through the snow to know it was him waiting for me at the other end. And he told me how thankful he was that he was the one I was eager to come home to.

It was a golden moment for a newlywed couple closing in on their 2nd month anniversary. All was right with the world.

“I am content just to have you safely back again…” (2 Samuel 19:30)