Back in January of 2016, before Ann Sophie, Nelson told me that his life lacked joy. It was just work, work, work. He was devoted to Jesus but needed a happiness-infusion. So I told him that throughout 2016 I would pray joy verses over his life.

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October 16, 2022

“If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete.” (John 15:10-11)

Mom gave me that one in January of 2016, the year I met Annso. I’m not sure what she meant by it, but I took it to mean that it would be a year where God showed me joy. And it turns out, Annso has been the biggest joy-bringer to my life by far. That was the year she came into my life.

I had not met her by January, but in a couple months I would. I know it means something different in the context of the verse, but I took it to mean that joy would come into my life, and it sure did that year. She has been such a joy to have around, brought so much peace through her kindness, not keeping score of anything between us, and always looking on the bright side.

I can’t thank you enough, Lord for your work there through her. I sure did pray about it, but through tons of anxiety, still went forward with it. She is the most amazing woman I have ever met and that I get to be with her and how devoted she is to me just amazes me every day.

What did I do to deserve her? I have no answer to that, but I do know she’s with me, and we even have a little baby boy together. Our marriage is amazing. We don’t argue about money, about anything, really. We go through each day, and whether we’re traveling together or staying at home, the days are good.

Thank you Lord for giving her to me, and I pray I can be the man she deserves. I pray for the ability to know what to do to help her keep growing into the woman you want her to be. Please help her to keep the faith and keep looking to you all the way along.

Thank you for the great Mom she is, for how she helps me, never looking for anything in return. You have been so great to me for sending her my way. Thank you that I had the courage to pursue her, despite resistance from some people at the time, and the fear in my own heart.

11 pm

Got a couple more days with Mom here before Annso, Astrid, and the Baby Boy come back from Germany. It’s been great having the time together, a very unusual thing, considering how busy she’s been and how things are going here. I’m grateful for the quiet and being able to spend the time together.

One more thing. I pray I can think up the best way to configure our house to accommodate the baby boy sleeping in our room. I pray that this house would only serve to help us and never to be a stumbling block in any way.

We are thankful for all the blessings you give us. Let this house be another miracle that only you could do, getting us the loan and helping us to pay less monthly as the result of taking it on. You are so kind to us, Lord.

I pray that when they come back, the Baby Boy can adjust quickly and well to this apartment and to me and the rest of us here in Rochester. Thank you for moving us here, for the church, the people at the church, the Mayo Clinic, and the small town that has everything we need. You are good to us. No doubt about it. Amen.

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“You make known to me the path of life…” (Psalm 16:11)

As the days tick off till Ann Sophie, Will, and Astrid return to Minnesota, in today’s journal Nelson is thankful he can live life in contact with God, which makes everything that happens to him purposeful.

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October 16, 2022

Woke up with a lot of pain this morning. Just aches everywhere, feet, back, etc. Kind of strange, and I don’t really know the cause. It’s always possible it’s cancer, but the bottom of my foot? Anyway, nothing an Advil or Tylenol won’t take care of after a while.

I’m also cold, but when I turned on the space heater, it shut off cause it’s already 75 degrees in here. Anyway, there are always lots of random symptoms.

We went up to Minneapolis last night to watch Karl’s game and celebrate Luke’s birthday. It was good we did it, even though we missed the game entirely.

It’s been fun hanging out with Mom for these few days while Annso is in Germany, although I’m excited about them coming back. Today is church, and I take my twice-a-week shower. Wednesdays and Sundays. lol. I can’t get motivated to shower more often than that.

“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” (Psalm 55:22) What a great verse. It’s where David was being attacked by a former friend, but it applies to God being our strong help in trouble.

Annso has verses up all over the walls here from when I was in the hospital and she was here. She was crying out to God to help me, and he did it. I could have died a couple times, but he saved me and didn’t let me die. I would like to think it was those prayers that saved me. Maybe I’ll never know.

Is the cancer an attack that is waged against me with lots of spiritual momentum behind it or just a set of tough circumstances that came my way? It’s hard to say for sure. It’s tempting to over-spiritualize things and assume there is a spiritual attack, and there may be. It sure feels better to pray against something than just to see it as a random thing that could happen to anyone.

Either way, Lord, I’m thankful that you healed me like you did and like you are, Lord. I choose to assume you heard her prayers and kept me alive for the life we are starting to live as I get healthier.

I choose to believe you are a part of our life and constantly involved as we invite you in. What a privilege to live that way. What a privilege to have a wife who loves me and is not a backslider, and who cries out to you instead of the worldly things available that try to mimic you, Lord. I’m so fortunate to have her and our little baby. Amen.

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“Love never gives up…. and endures through every circumstance.” (1 Corinthians 13:7)

Nelson is feeling OK on this day. Not great, but OK. He’s trying to cut down on taking opiates, fearful of addiction, but doctors have told him he should take what he needs, that they can work on lessening the meds later. It made me wonder if maybe there wasn’t going to be a “later.”

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October 15, 2022

Mom is here and said she was enjoying the time with me. I agree. Tonight we’re going up to Luke’s place [80 miles] for his birthday. Maybe catch a little of Karl’s soccer game, then a dinner.

Luke called me last night to “let me off the hook” if I didn’t feel up for it, but I think we should just go forward with it. I take a couple morphine tablets before stuff like that, and it makes all the difference in the world. Seems like cheating a little.

It doesn’t matter if I feel a little under the weather at home, but to feel bad sitting at someone’s dinner table while you’re trying to talk to them, it becomes more difficult to feel “up for it.”

I’m listening to some old school Elvis this morning. Makes me wonder why I don’t do it more often. “Don’t Think Twice. It’s Alright.” I have Papa to thank for the exposure I had to Willy Nelson, Elvis, Johnny Cash, and some of the other classics.

I remember the 8 track tapes all over the floor of his Cadillacs when I was about 5. That would have made him about 32 years old. Thank you Lord for the parents I had, for the great upbringing we had, for the Peterson family [my sister Mary’s family] being so close to us. Not many people had childhoods like ours.

It’s hard to start off so strong, because everything after that seems like a step backwards. But now, I have nothing but gratitude for the life I have. It’s unpredictable, Lord, and you are constantly surprising me.

Having deadly cancer and living in Rochester, Minnesota, is hardly something I could have predicted in a million years. I’m thankful for our house, and for being able to have a little money left over to decorate it, making it our own.

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“Your ears shall hear….‘This is the way. Walk in it.’ ” (Isaiah 30:21)