Freshening Up

Women love their homes. God gave each of us a nesting instinct, which translates to arranging our space to reflect our personalities and become a nourishing place.

For example, some of us love bright colors, others like muted ones. Some like formal, some informal. Some like a cleaned-off look, while others prefer something interesting on every square inch. We enjoy choosing what to display in our homes, and we like the process of putting it all together.

I remember reading the story of a family who moved virtually every year. As soon as the moving van had unloaded and pulled away, the mother picked flowers from nearby plantings (even if they were just wild flowers or weeds) and made an arrangement for the kitchen counter. To her it meant, “We’re home.”

If we women are able to choose new paint, new carpeting or new curtains, we get an extra boost. To have a freshened-up house is to feel fresh ourselves.

Here in my Michigan cottage it’s been a traumatic year, a year I hope never to repeat with its anguish and upset. Although the house was needy when we bought it a decade ago, we used it only sporadically for nine years and did nothing to improve it. We gathered there for the relationships and the beach, and taking time to fix up a run-down place wasn’t our priority.

But when Nate and I moved here full-time last summer, we walked through the house together and made a dream list of home improvements, from fresh paint to a remodeled kitchen (and a dishwasher!), new windows to replace those that were rotting, new flooring, landscaping, a shower someplace other than the basement, and many other things. But when cancer engulfed us, the wish list was set aside.

Then somewhere during the dark of winter, a few weeks after Nate’s death when the world was icy cold, Mary thought it would refresh my wilted spirit to redecorate a room. “Let’s paint the ‘library’!” she said, trying to generate the enthusiasm for both of us.

In a “regular” year, I would’ve jumped at the chance to work together on such a project. But this winter found me disturbed to the core. To add additional disturbance by removing books from shelves and making the compulsory mess to paint a room was completely debilitating. It actually made me cry.

This week, eight months later, the idea sounded better. We began with fresh ceiling paint and have decided not to stop with one room but to freshen up five. God is steadily, slowly bringing healing. I’ve been trusting him to do that all along, and today the smell of wet paint was a fresh fragrance indeed.

“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” (Isaiah 43:19)

Father Knows Best

God is full of surprises. He doesn’t think like we do, plan like we do or respond to circumstances like we do. He has no limitations and never runs out of ideas. He never has to “rack his brain” or wonder, “What should I do?”

That’s because he’s God, in the top slot, in all categories. So it makes perfect sense, since we’re not at the top, that we don’t understand why things happen to us. With our limited point of view, we reason that if God is in control and this awful thing has happened, why didn’t he stop it?

Growing up in the 1950’s, my family didn’t watch much TV. Television was new, and there wasn’t a whole lot to look at. By 10:30 PM, the national anthem was played, and all programming ceased until morning. One show we did find to watch, though, was “Father Knows Best.”

Mary and I have sweet memories of our relationship with the Andersons, a family much like ours with two girls, one boy, a home in the suburbs and a daddy who walked in each evening wearing a hat and carrying a newspaper. Tonight we watched one of those black and white episodes from 1958. Just hearing the theme music was a thrill, and seeing our old “friends” again was a pleasure.

In tonight’s story, the father, Jim, finds himself facing Saint Peter at heaven’s pearly gates. Peter is assessing whether or not Jim ought to “get in.” When he questions him about a decision he made, Jim says, “That was an especially difficult one.”

Peter says, “Naturally it was difficult. It’s part of our master plan. We do that purposefully. We keep throwing difficult choices in your path to test you. It’s the decisions you make that shape you into what you are.”

Without realizing it, this script line had made a scriptural point. And because of God’s perfect analysis of every person and what each needs, we can believe there are exceedingly important reasons for the “difficult choices” that are “thrown” at us.

As autumn approaches, my mind back-steps to a year ago. On this date, though we knew nothing of Nate’s cancer, we were within three weeks of finding out, within nine weeks of his death. But God had already decided on the test, had put the details in place and was about to light the circumstantial fuse. The difficult choices Saint Peter mentioned were barreling toward our family.

Every day for 42 days Nate woke to new tests buried within the big cancer-test, and so did the rest of us. His trials were excruciating, both physically and emotionally, but ours also involved pain, and still do. Television-Peter was quoting the biblical-James when he said, “It’s the decisions you make that shape you into what you are.”

While we knit our brows and wrestle with the tough ones, there is a choice we can make up front that’ll facilitate all the rest: to choose to believe each test does come from an all-wise God.

Of course that means even if we don’t like our tests, we must trust that our heavenly Father really does know best.

“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” (James 1:12)

Family Updates, Part I: Children

Our seven children and two children-in-law are far-flung these days, but of course no one actually flung them. They are where they are because they made plans to be there. Many have asked, “Where is so-and-so now? What is he/she doing?” So here are the answers:

Nelson – After leaving our cottage last December 31, he joined the leadership of Youth With A Mission on what’s called an Around the World Discipleship Training School (DTS), based in New Zealand. He helped prepare students over a three month period for their global journey pursuing various mission projects in the months following. They began in South Africa and worked their way north to Morocco, ending in Jerusalem. They debriefed in Egypt, and this week Nelson is in Amman, Jordan. After a stop in England, he’ll arrive back at the cottage on Labor Day weekend, planning to lead another Around the World DTS in 2011.

Lars –When we learned of Nate’s cancer last September, he accepted an offer to transfer from his San Diego insurance company to a branch office in the Chicago area, in order to be near us. Working hard in a difficult sales market, he visits me often and frequently entertains friends from San Diego. He’s been my mainstay on paperwork and personal financial stuff, having a head for numbers that I don’t have.

Linnea and Adam – Living in Florida, they have visited me often since Nate died and will return again in September. During that month they’ll celebrate their 7th anniversary. Adam continues to work in the family contracting business, which is bouncing back after the difficult days most builders have experienced in recent years. Linnea is a stay-at-home mommy to Skylar and Micah, who will be the subject of tomorrow’s Part II update.

Klaus – Logistically closest to me, he lives one mile away and pops in regularly, asking, “Need anything done?” It’s reassuring to know help is nearby, when I need it. He works for a cousin-in-law in the building industry and is enjoying the extended family relationships that come along with the job.

Hans and Katy – They’re busy around the clock caring for three babies who all arrived in the same 15 month period. Hans is a gardener with more work than he needs, and also a school drum teacher. He teaches privately as well, with students coming to their house for lessons. Katy stays home with the little ones, who will be part of tomorrow’s Part II update on grandbabies. They’ve been married three years.

Louisa – This week she’s working on moving from Chicago to Michigan before leaving the midwest for a nine month school of intensive Bible study in Kona, Hawaii. She’ll be studying at the University of the Nations, which is the main campus of Youth With A Mission. Her coursework at the School of Biblical Studies (SBS) will finish in June of 2011.

Birgitta – Now settled in at the University of Iowa in Iowa City, she has begun an academic journey toward a degree in art therapy, a new and growing field of psychological counseling. After her year of working and living in Chicago near the Loop, school looks good again.

And those are our kids, Nate’s and mine. Although I started to write “those are my kids,” that just doesn’t seem right. Despite Nate’s absence, these 7 + 2 will always be “ours”. They have filled our coffers to overflowing.

”May the Lord bless you… all the days of your life; and may you live to see your children’s children.” (Psalm 28:5a,6a)