Newlywed Love (#37)

February 28, 1970

At Cathy and John'sAs the end of February approached, we couldn’t believe we’d already come to our 3rd month anniversary. But 1970 wasn’t a Leap Year, so the calendar hopped right over our number: 29. But that didn’t stop us from celebrating.

Our friends Cathy and John, married less than a month, invited us for dinner, and the 4 of us shared good conversation and good food. Actually there were 5 of us, if pets count.

With JeanetteCathy loved cats, and her black and white Jeanette had been grandfather-ed into their new marriage and our evening. Baby kitties were due in a few weeks, and I begged Cathy to let me come and observe the births. Having never seen anything being born, it was a big deal to me, so she agreed.

Nate wasn’t a cat person, though, and cautioned me about falling in love with the any of the newborn kittens. “Remember,” he said, “we’ve already talked about getting a puppy.” I hoped I could resist.

Cathy was a wonderful cook. She loved trying new recipes and was much better at it than I was, so each time we shared a meal, she taught me something new. Watching her work was like watching a cooking show on TV. And unlike working in my tiny “kitchenette,” she made meals in a giant kitchen with large appliances and lots of counter space.

That’s because she and John were renting the main floor of a small two-story house where a Formica-topped table and 6 chairs fit easily into the kitchen.

John and Nate

As Cathy and I got the meal ready, John and Nate talked about law school and various connected struggles. Nate was uncharacteristically quiet during dinner, so when we got home much later, I asked him about it.

“Two things were bothering me,” he said. “The first was that they let that cat jump up on the table while we were eating.”

“I know,” I said. “But at least they took her down right away. But what’s the second thing?”

“John and I were talking about what our dream jobs would be once we were out of law school, and all of a sudden he made a complete turnaround and said he was thinking about dropping out.”

“Of law school?”

“Yes. He said his real dream job was to be a writer.”

“Oh wow,” I said. “Would he really drop out now? I mean, so close to the end?”

“I don’t know. I hope not. He’s worked hard. But he sounded serious.”

We were members of a very mobile generation, and among our friends, change was a constant. I was thankful that Nate was someone who thought it was important to finish what he started. And regardless of what his friend John would do, I knew Nate would get his law degree — no matter how hard it got or how long it took.

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” (Colossians 3:23)

Newlywed Love (#36)

February 24, 1970

As the weeks of our marriage passed, Nate and I continued to enjoy each other to the fullest. But there was one thing about being married and living far from family and friends that I really missed: time with girlfriends.

With Mary downtownI especially missed my sister Mary (left), but also Lynn, Connie, Julie, my 3 apartment roommates, and my team teacher in Chicago. Though I’d been living and working in Champaign for more than 6 months and loved my job and our little apartment, it hit me that getting married and leaving town had eliminated most of my girlfriend-time.

As I wrote in my journal, “I’m no longer living the frolicsome life of an independent apartment-dweller in the big city. I’m no longer a free agent.”

But as I learned in the months leading up to our wedding, saying yes to marriage meant saying no to other things. And anytime-freedom to be with friends was one of those things.

By marrying Nate, I had chosen to put him first from then on, and I very much wanted to do that. It might take a lifetime to learn to love him in the no-holds-barred way he loved me, but I was committed to trying.

Computer generated concept of cornerstone

Computer generated concept of cornerstone

The full truth was that as we got married, we were putting a cornerstone into place that would end up being the foundation on which a new household (and maybe a family) would gradually be built – the home of Nathan and Margaret Nyman. Through the years many other stones would be added to that first one, which would end up to be the structure of our lives.

Every idea either of us had from then on needed to pass a test: Is this something that will tear down or build up our household? If we answered honestly each time and made decisions accordingly, we could be sure our home and the relationships inside of it would stand the test of time.

So where did that leave me with my girlfriends? If I spent more time thinking about, talking to, going out with friends than with my husband, small cracks would develop in our foundation. Both of us wanted our relationship to thrive – and to be #1. And we’d been told that marriages suffer when outside interests and people gobble up too much time.

And so, concerning my friends “back home,” Nate and I hashed it out honestly and got all our feelings on the table. Our conclusion was that once in a while both of us could spend time and energy on relationships apart from each other. But we’d have to be very careful. And the other person’s opinion would have to matter.

Jesus as CornerstoneThen we prayed, asking God to superimpose his desires over our own whenever we might be doing harm to our marriage, sometimes even without knowing it.

As always, Nate came down on the side of lots of freedom for me, and just knowing he felt that way helped reinforce my desire to keep him as my top priority.

“Invite your friends to Champaign any time you want,” he said, “and they’ll always be welcome.”

I wrote in my journal:

“It seems so fresh being married to Nate. We talk about everything and also never miss our daily devotional time and prayer together. I think that’s doing the trick for us.”

But of course there was no trick. It was actually Jesus the Cornerstone who was part of the conversation and was keeping all the issues straight.

“This is what the Sovereign Lord says: I lay…. a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation; the one who relies on it will never be stricken with panic.” (Isaiah 28:16)

Newlywed Love (#35)

February 20, 1970

It was a treat to drive the “new” Mustang to school with Judy and Linda. Judy drove one week, and I drove the next. Our car was performing well and had a comfortable ride. Roads continued to be a problem, though, with lots of winter snow, and at the end of each day, we were thankful for no mishaps.

Icy.What neither Linda nor I knew, however, was how stressful the driving was for Judy, someone who was raised in Hawaii and had no experience driving on snowy highways. She didn’t have a natural sense of caution in slippery conditions and had never been in a spin or a slide.

 

Our 40 mile trip from Champaign to Danville each day was mostly driven at high speeds on I-74, a well-traveled expressway. And with such a snowy winter, it was inevitable we’d one day have an incident — which we did.

It was early morning, and the three of us were on our way to school. Judy was driving when we hit a bad patch of ice, causing the car to start a spin. It went all the way around and then some, finally coming to a stop – in the middle of I-74 facing oncoming traffic.

Icy road safetyThis was a moment of panic, especially for poor Judy, but God was watching over us. A businessman motoring behind us pulled to the shoulder, wanting to help. Apparently he had witnessed our spin and realized we were still in danger. He got out of his car and directed Judy as she worked to turn her car around on the ice and move out of harm’s way.

Thankfully it was early morning, and traffic was light. Our good Samaritan watched for cars, putting himself at risk, and made sure we were all ok before continuing on his own commute.

When we had sufficiently recovered, I asked Judy if she wanted me to drive the rest of the way to school. She was relieved, and accepted the offer.

Having driven in many Illinois winters, I had plenty of ice-and-snow experience, along with a few of my own spin-outs. But doing a 360+ on this treacherous highway had been sobering for me, too, so I proceeded with caution.

After the school day, when I arrived home and told Nate of our “adventure,” he responded with fatherly concern for our safety and offered to drive us to school after that. But of course such a favor was unworkable. I did appreciate his protective response, though.

Love.“If anything happened to you,” he said, “I don’t think I could go on.” And sitting together that evening turned out to be extra special. I was twice-warmed…. from the glow of our fireplace and the warmth of Nate’s love.

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22)