Newlywed Love (#34)

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February 17, 1970

NoteNate and I did a good job keeping track of each other. If either of us was planning to divert from our usual routine, we told the other ahead of time. If plans changed without advance notice, we’d leave notes.

Some of our friends thought that was “too confining,” though Nate and I saw it as simple courtesy. But this was just one of many points of disagreement we began having with some of the new friends we were making through the university.

As we got to know people, we would often share a meal during which a handful of us would round-table different ideas, sharing opinions. Inevitably, some of our discussions would become heated and uncomfortable.

Nate and I would talk privately afterwards, always stunned to see how radically different we and others thought. After all, the whole group had much in common. All of us were in our twenties. Many were in grad school, and quite a few were paired in couples – some married, some not.

And we were all sharing our young adulthood years during a time of sweeping societal upheaval. But opinions were swinging every which way. Morals were changing rapidly, and feminists were preaching a philosophy that confused both men and women.

Vietnam WarCollege students were rioting on campuses. People who’d been raised in churches were leaving them…. and leaving God. And for the very first time, we were watching a horrific war take place on our television sets.

Nate and I concluded that the diverse opinions we were hearing from our peers were the fallout from these many changes. As America began throwing away the traditions of her history, we and our friends were interpreting things in different ways.

There was, for example, talk of “open marriage.” The premise was that if a husband or wife met someone that caught their fancy, they were free to explore that relationship (even sexually) while remaining married. It would be just a dalliance, nothing permanent, and if both marriage partners understood this, no one would be hurt.

Students eat and talkNate and I were bewildered when others nodded in agreement, since we didn’t see how this could possibly work. When we asked what would happen if just one partner enjoyed frequent dalliances and the other felt left out or jealous, the consensus was that that person would be free to leave the marriage.

How could intelligent people, we wondered, think such crazy thoughts? As time went by, these debates left Nate and I feeling more empty and unsatisfied.

It finally occurred to us that the discussions we had in our couples Sunday school class were more rewarding than those with university pals. We concluded it was because Jesus and his Word were at the center, standing strong with a set of standards that didn’t blow with the wind or change with the culture.

From then on, Nate and I began choosing our friends more carefully. We were learning an important lesson: we could associate with all kinds of people, but our most fulfilling relationships would always be with other Christians.

IntertwinedWe learned that core beliefs control the way people think and act. When hearts and minds align on those, deep connections can be made that can’t be made when they refuse to line up. It was a meaningful discovery for us, and we were thankful anew for each other – and our shared beliefs.

 

“There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all, in all, and living through all.” (Ephesians 4:5-6)

Newlywed Love (#33)

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February 14, 1970, Valentine’s Day

Nate and I stood on our apartment building’s front porch waving off my parents and aunt after their overnight visit – and didn’t feel the slightest twinge of sadness. After all, what newlywed couple wants to celebrate Valentine’s Day with their parents?

Candy heartsAs always, we couldn’t wait to be alone again, and it was a pleasure to scamper up to our 3rd floor nest after they’d gone. We hadn’t spent money on elaborate gifts to mark Valentine’s Day, but being alone was all we really wanted anyway. Since the holiday was a Saturday in 1970, it was gift enough just to have a free evening stretching out in front of us.

Nate's Val. noteNate had hidden tiny candy hearts around the apartment, the kind with words of love printed on them, and was anxious to watch me hunt for them. Though he knew I would probably eat them all, he meant for their messages of love to last forever.

As I hunted for the hearts, he shadowed me, celebrating each time I found one and sometimes feeding them to me. I loved his creativity and knew his main objective was to please me…. which he did.

 

Kiddie card, frontKiddie card, backI gave him two Valentine cards, one silly one from my 1st grade stash and the other a contemporary card full of serious words.

 

 

Val. cardThe typewriter Valentine was an oblique reference to the ongoing process of thank you notes, but the other one was filled with sincere sentiment for the husband I adored.

Val. card.“My love for you grows daily… hourly, even when I’m away from you during the day. For Valentine’s Day this year I willingly give all I am to you, for service, devotion, companionship, love… in a new dedication, from February 14, 1970, to forever.”

Nate accepted my promises and responded with similar ones, things that were even better than the words printed on his candy hearts.

As we cuddled up in front of our fireplace that evening, he said, “I’m so glad we didn’t wait to get married any later than we did, aren’t you?”

“Definitely,” I said. “Look at all we would have missed in the last 2½ months.”

“And just think how frustrated we would have been by now – 2½ more months of sleeping separately and trying to resist temptation that whole time.”

“I wonder,” I said, “if we would have resisted.”

“Well… thank goodness we didn’t have to.”

And with that we learned that getting intimate on a blanket in front of a warm fire could be extremely romantic.

“Each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33)

Newlywed Love (#32)

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February 13-14, 1970

Since the first of the year, I had been chipping away at writing thank you notes for the hundreds of wedding gifts Nate and I had been blessed to receive. Although my original goal was to write 5 of them each evening (with more on weekends), I couldn’t keep up that pace. And though I had long since ditched that goal, little by little I was actually making progress.

Valentines DayThe week before Valentine’s Day, I was highly motivated to be extra diligent in my note-writing…. because Mom and Dad were coming.

I knew Mom would ask how many thank you’s I’d written so far. Most of our gifts had come from friends in her generation, and timely thank you’s were a must. People needed to know their gift had been received and that it was appreciated.

Earlier in the week a letter had come from her, detailing their weekend arrival and departure schedule. She had also written a few encouraging lines about my thank you notes:

“Many, many people tell me they are receiving “unusual” letters of thanks from you, Margaret. You’d be amazed at what the difference is when a bit of extra is put into such notes. You would be greatly surprised at how many people have mentioned your letters to me.”

Mom's letter

I had to admit I was giving the process my all, more for Mom than the recipients of the notes. Not wanting to disappoint her, I had taken up her challenge to put something personal into each one. And it did make me feel better than if I’d written generically – though it took a great deal longer.

Nate was my faithful cheerleader and sometimes stood next to me, asking to read a note aloud. His laudatory comments and nonstop appreciation spurred me on. And he was especially tickled if he read a note thanking for any gift made of “monkey pod wood” — something new and popular at the time for salad bowls and their utensils.

If he came across those 3 words, “monkey pod wood,” inevitably he would double over with laughter so intense he’d have to brush tears away. Then his laughter would make me laugh, and the silly joke was so potent I didn’t dare use our monkey pod salad bowls if guests were over. It became one of those inside jokes between a husband and wife that no one else understood, a little secret between just the two of us.

First time fondueWhen Mom and Dad came, they brought Aunt Agnes, and we introduced the three of them to the art of fondue. It was hilarious watching their expressions as we explained how dinner was going to be made.

And as they got into the process, their focus on cooking was intense. We all laughed each time a chunk of food would slip from their forks and disappear into the oil. When that happened, their comments were side-splitting funny. Aunt Agnes spent most of the meal on her feet, standing guard over the pieces of her dinner.

Ice CapadesThe next day we took them to the university arena where we saw the Ice Capades, a new show none of us had ever seen. Although Mom thought the girls’ costumes left too much flesh exposed, she had to admit the skating was phenomenal.

After that mid-afternoon performance, they had to hightail it back to Wilmette for evening commitments there, and Nate and I chalked up another happy connection with our relatives.

Although we forfeited our privacy whenever people visited, we had a lifetime to enjoy each other and knew we shouldn’t be selfish about sharing our lives and our home. Besides, it was always so much fun after guests were gone to once again be alone — together.

“Don’t forget to do good and to share…. These are the sacrifices that please God.” (Hebrews 13:16)