Newlywed Love (#10)

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December 19, 1969

Once Nate and I settled the issue of who would buy the Christmas tree each year, we began enjoying our first holiday season together. Though Christmas Eve and Day would be spent with our parents and other relatives, the remaining days of December were just for us.

First ornamentMy sweet Aunt Joyce, an expert seamstress, had made me a casual evening gown of glittering lavender, “….for the times,” she said, “when it’s just you and Nate.” It was low cut and what she called “fetching,” a look Nate would love.

So when it finally came time to decorate our tree, I told Nate I had something special to show him first. When I came into the living room with my sparkly, floor-length outfit on, I learned what Aunt Joyce meant by “fetching.” Without a word, it fetched him right over to me!

Our decorating didn’t take very long. We’d gone to the local mall and each chosen one ornament as the start of a Nyman family tradition, so we did have those. And we had one string of lights for our giant tree, but that was all.

Nate's ornamentHowever, with great joy and lots of ceremony, we took turns hanging our two ornaments. Nate had picked a plastic one that resembled a stoplight with “jewels” on all four sides. I chose a delicate glass globe with a glitzy gold star inside.

And our multi-colored lights were a snap to put on, although we did it upside-down, ending with the plug at the top. It made for a good laugh and was no problem to re-hang them, since it was only one string.

Turning out the room lights and sitting on the floor beneath our tree was a moment of magic that would last a long time. Later I wrote in my journal:

Since we’ve been married for almost a month, the strong feeling I hold for Nate has increased ten-fold. It’s really a strong, secure bond of love. It seems that all the things we do for each other never go unreciprocated. Pleasing him pleases me.

Dec. journal

The next day we received some news that was even better than a Christmas gift. My Wheaton roommate Julie, the one who was going to “let us store” her grandma’s elegant bedroom set, called to say the furniture would be leaving Wisconsin on a moving truck the very next day.

After living with what we called a bare-naked bedroom for 4 months, at last we would have dresser drawers for putting away our clothes, mirrors to get ready in front of, and best of all, a real bed to sleep in…. with room in it to do lots of other things, too.

We couldn’t wait!

“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” (Romans 12:10)

Newlywed Love (#9)

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December 18, 1969

Nate and I were so enamored with the fun of being married that we’d hardly noticed it was the Christmas season. With just a week before the big day, we had lots to do – coming up with Christmas gifts for both of our families, with very little money. What we came up with instead, though, was our very first disagreement.

When I came home after a day at school and unlocked the apartment door, Nate wasn’t there. This was unusual, but I attributed it to extra library time before Christmas break and got busy doing other things.

When I heard his key in the lock, I turned toward the door and was surprised to see him wrestling with a giant Christmas tree – 8 feet tall!

“Oh my word!” I said. “What’s this?”

First treeHe responded with a broad smile while he did his best to get the tree upright for my approval. “It wouldn’t be Christmas without a big tree!” he said.

That’s when I burst into tears. Puzzled by this strange response, he leaned the tree against the wall and rushed toward me, trying to understand.

 

“What’s wrong?” he said, running his hands up and down my arms in an effort to bring comfort.

“You did it without me!” I sobbed, looking at the floor.

Still wondering why this would be upsetting, he bent his knees so he could look straight in my eyes and said, “I just thought it would save you time and trouble. That’s what my mother always said when she told Dad to pick up a tree – that she didn’t have time.”

“But that’s not how we’re supposed to do it,” I said. “Choosing a Christmas tree is a family thing, and you did it without me.”

“I’m so sorry,” Nate said, though he hadn’t done anything wrong. “It never crossed my mind you’d want to come along. You know, Meg, I would never do anything to purposely hurt you.”

And then, trying to undo his mistake, he turned toward the tree. “I’m gonna take it right back.”

By now I understood it was simply a difference in the way we were raised, not a Christmas tradition he’d taken away from me. Suddenly returning a Christmas tree seemed pretty funny…. and I giggled.

“Really,” I said, “it’s a beautiful tree, and it’ll make our apartment look very Christmas-y. I don’t want you to take it back.” I had to admit he’d picked a good one. Without much in our living room, it was no problem finding space for it. But we had nothing to decorate it with. That’s when Nate got an idea.

“After supper,” he said, feeling relieved the crisis had passed, “let’s go to the mall and each buy one ornament. We can do this every year, and gradually we’ll fill up a whole Christmas tree. It can become our first Christmas tradition – or maybe I should say our second. The first one will be to always buy the tree together.”

All set upI loved his idea, especially the part about starting our own tradition.

“Maybe tonight we can buy one string of lights, too,” I said. “And have hot chocolate while we decorate the tree…. and sing Christmas carols.”

“Of course!” he said, breaking into a rousing chorus of “Deck the Halls” ….very much off key. Nevertheless, it sounded wonderful to me!

 “All of you, have a tender heart and a humble mind.” (1 Peter 3:8)

Newlywed Love (#8)

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December 17, 1969

Although our mailbox wasn’t as full as during pre-wedding days, Nate faithfully checked it. I loved receiving occasional letters from Mary, Mom, and others who kept me current with the news of family and friends back home.

One day, after I’d hiked up the stairs at the end of a long work day, Nate and I greeted each other warmly as always – but then he said, “Interesting mail today.”

“From who?” I said.

With a serious expression he turned to get the letter, handing it to me while keeping his eyes on my face. Immediately I recognized the writing — my old boyfriend.

Although it was addressed to both of us, Nate had chosen not to open it.

“I have no idea what it is,” I said, “but you can open it if you want.”

“No thanks,” he said.

When I was still dating this guy, I was also exchanging letters with Nate, and he knew about the relationship from before it began until after it ended 18 months later. I often asked “my friend Nate” for advice about how to handle conflict with “my boyfriend,” and through that time Nate never said a negative word about him.

Instead, he gave his objective opinions, absent of any pressure on me to break it off, though that’s what he was hoping for. He gave me the freedom to choose while praying passionately that God would turn my heart toward him.

As I held this unexpected letter in a hand that was slightly trembling, I looked up at my young husband and saw something new in his face: anger. Not toward me but toward the letter and its author.

Wanting to reassure him I said, “If you want to, we can just throw it away without opening it.”

“No.” he said, “Let’s see what he wants.”

LetterI opened the envelope and began reading aloud, struggling with a tightness in my throat. “I’d like to be friends with both of you,” he wrote. “So I’m inviting you to my New Year’s Eve party. It’ll be at my house – Dec. 31, of course.”

He wrote about a new beginning and gave the details of the party, ending with, “Hope to see you there!”

Nate didn’t say a word, but his thoughts were all over his face. He waited for me to speak.

I handed the letter back to him and said, “I have absolutely zero interest in having a relationship with him, or attending his party. I hope I never see him again in my whole life.”

Nate’s expression relaxed a bit and he encircled me in a strong hug. Though I still felt shaky, I was sure everything was going to work out right. Together we composed a brief response with a “no” for the RSVP, clearly stating we weren’t interested in pursuing friendship.

I love you.Later as we walked to the mailbox, we talked further about the letter and the possibility of other outside influences coming from all kinds of places with potential to harm our marriage. And we decided then and there that we would be intentional about fending them all off…. together.

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” (Proverbs 4:23)