Young Love (#27)

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After a turbulent week, something new and important began to dawn on me, something that would have a strong influence on Nate’s and my relationship. God began to show me the incredible depth of Nate’s love for me. It was patient, kind, not envious, not boasting, not proud. It wasn’t dishonoring, wasn’t self-seeking or easily angered. It kept no record of wrongs, didn’t delight in evil but rejoiced in the truth. It protected, trusted, persevered.

I thought of how Nate had literally demonstrated each one of those loving qualities when I so often had pushed him to the limits of love. And his response had always been… to love more.

Like a bolt out of the blue I realized Nate had been loving me exactly as the biblical “love chapter” (1 Corinthians 13) described. My eyes popped wide open as I recognized a love that was as strong as any love could ever be. And right then I made up my mind… to marry Nate.

April 23, 1969 – Dear Nate. I love you very much, despite this strange distance between us. I have the love of a fine man who even loves me unconditionally – whether my love in return is committed to him or not. What greater security and faithfulness could a girl desire? You’re the most terrific thing walking. When I actually sit down and think about all your qualities, I see you are an amazing, fantastic, wonderful person. Oooo, do I love you, Nate!

And… I want to marry you!

                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

joyfulIn response to this letter, Nate called. And he was one excited, happy guy! We talked on the phone for an expensive 40 minutes, a splurge we’d never made before. By April 28, I was back in Champaign spending my spring break week with him, and we talked non-stop about engagement, marriage, and the timing of both.

We ate in the dorm dining room, and I watched him effectively lead his 72 men. I got acquainted with the head resident of his dorm; and his wife taught me how to paint with water colors while Nate was in class. Nate and I took long walks, holding hands and dreaming out loud about a blissful future together. He had a new bounce in his step, and I had a heart full of light and peace.

May 4, 1969 – Dearest Meg. I am tentatively thinking of Christmas for formal engagement, but we can keep it a secret until we make that decision. I need time to save for your ring! I love you very, very much. I will hug and kiss you till I die. You are so very precious that I’m afraid you’ll melt and run away! I love YOU!!!!

havin-funMay 5, 1969 – Dear Nate. I miss you so much and am sorry our week together has concluded. But I’m very happy I’ve finally realized that I truly do want to be your wife, Mrs. Nathan Nyman! It was wonderful being at your side all week, to be so close to you for so long. The time was ripe for us to be together like that, and I’m thankful to the Lord for allowing that week to happen when it did.

May 5, 1969 – Dearest Meg. I pray for us daily, and for the problem of physical self-control now, not getting carried away. I’m seeking divine guidance in our general relationship, that we have good attitudes toward each other and are not rushing events. We both have strong wills, and we can wait. What’s one year in light of eternity?

May 6, 1969 – Dear Nate. One of our biggest problems, now that we’re committed to marriage, will be to wait sexually. It would be so easy to get carried away. I’m glad we’ve made that decision. With both of us determined, and with God’s help, we’ll abstain. The pleasure will be all the sweeter with a wait – a valuable prize at the end. I love you for agreeing. Today the custodian at my school asked me about “my fiancé.” I sure do like the sound of that!

haircut

May 6, 1969 – Dearest Meg. Thank you for sharing your spring vacation with me. I love you more than ever. I’m keeping busy studying for finals and writing a paper for Corporations. I think of you all the time, in your apartment and at school with your kidlets. And I think of you in that fabulous new haircut. You look magnificent with short hair – easier to kiss that neck and those ears.

“Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:8)

Young Love (#26)

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After the weekend of the Military Ball, a relationship shift had taken place. Nate was disappointed, and though I was the reason, I felt disappointment, too – especially about his wanting to date other girls. Even so, throughout the weekend there had been many moments when we didn’t discuss our relationship, and that’s when we ran around like kids, laughed, and relished every minute together.

allerton-parkOne afternoon was spent at Allerton, 30 miles outside of Champaign, hiking the beautiful landscape. Then, parked on a blanket in the woods, we studied, did my taxes, napped… and both said the words, “I love you.”

 

Back home… from my journal:

It seems irresponsible not to commit to Nate. I feel bad about the frustration I’m causing him but don’t see a way out of it for now. What he should probably do is just produce a ring with a “guess what” attitude, and we’d probably sail happily through life together.

One thing I’ve learned about myself during these months is that I’m good a snap decisions, but the long-range ones just kill me. I feel like Nate and I are only at the beginning of our relationship, while he thinks we’re well down the road. One thing is sure: I’ve just got to get (my old boyfriend) out of my head.

April 17, 1969 – Dear Nate. After talking with you at length about our relationship last weekend, I don’t know what to think. You are right to say you will date around, but I’m at a loss to say what should happen next. I do love you. And when I think of truly losing you, I get scared. But I don’t really “have” you, do I.

April 18, 1969 – Dearest Meg. Our spiritual time on Easter Sunday and the prayer times of last weekend are very meaningful to me. Since then my Bible reading time (at lunch) has been better understood by me. Jesus Christ is my first love and the first commitment of my life. But I also love you. And He will lead us.

April 19, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’m feeling rather blaa tonight… not depressed or in a bad mood, just sad that you and I aren’t together. I am missing you. I tried to call you tonight, but I guess I didn’t expect you to be home on a Friday evening. I know the Army is going to “hold you captive” for 18 hours starting tomorrow, so of course you went out. I guess I’ll just go to bed early and try to cheer myself by thinking back to the many good moments of last weekend. It sure was fun at Allerton Park. I love you.    Meg

restingApril 20, 1969 – Dearest Meg. I awoke this morning thinking of you and wishing you were still at my side. I’ve thought of a sweet little nickname for you: “Maj.” It’s your initials, M.A.J. What do you think? I still love you very, very much and am looking forward to sharing my schedule with you a week from now when you come down during your spring break. I want to be with you.

April 20, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’ve discovered that you mean more to me than I have admitted through all of this self-searching about marriage. In a way, you have a great deal of power over me and my emotions, more than you know. It’s a good kind of power. I need someone like you who will reassure me over and over of the love he feels for me, probably for the rest of my life. Is there another like you anywhere? I doubt it. I have so many things to talk to you about when I see you. It makes me happy to know that will be soon.

“Let your ‘yes’ be yes, and your ‘no’ be no.” (James 5:12)

Young Love (#25)

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The school year was passing, and Nate’s and my relationship was gaining strength – from my point of view, too. And then, as before, my old boyfriend resurfaced. He called and invited me to play a few games of the wonder sport, tennis, and springy weather made his request tempting. Everything in me screamed, “Don’t!”

But I did.

tennisI knew I loved Nate. But I knew I had loved the other guy, too, and such strong feelings don’t just poof away. They need time to diminish. I didn’t tell anyone I was meeting him, knowing they’d all call me a fool. And deep inside, I knew that’s what I was.

After our tennis, we went out to eat and then back to his place where we talked and talked – till 5:30 AM. He told me he still felt about me the same way he did when we were in a romantic relationship. I was flattered… and nervous. I told him about Nate, that we were seeing a lot of each other, and he disapproved. No surprise. I sensed that once I left him that night, I’d never be back. Spending all that time with him was much like someone starting a new diet plan but bingeing the night before.

The next day, however, I had to pay the piper. I needed to tell Nate about the date when we met in Champaign — but only at the right moment. Expecting he would respond with patient acceptance as before, I was in for a big surprise.

April 10, 1969 – Dear Nate. While I was getting organized for our upcoming weekend, I was munching on a piece of the salt water taffy you gave me, and out came one of my fillings! So I had to take time off to visit the dentist. I didn’t want that big hole to ruin our weekend with its zapping pain each time I bit down on it. But now, all is well. And I’ll see you very soon! Love, and more love, Meg

April 10, 1969 – Dearest Meg. Your idea about visiting me during your spring break is great! When is it? I have upcoming exams and an Army Field Exercise, but don’t worry about these. I would love you to be with me during them. I got to see your daily teaching routine, so it would be good for you to see my disorganized life of counseling, law, and ROTC.

After the weekend:

military-ballApril 14, 1969 – To my dear Nate. This weekend was a jewel. (Military Ball, right)

I do believe both you and I had a spiritual awakening on Easter night a week ago. It was real for both of us, a milestone in our lives. In Christ I love you, and as Nate Nyman I love you, too. I’m feeling so differently about you these days.

April 14, 1969 – Dearest Meg. You know in your heart how much I love you and want to be with you. I am extremely pleased that you enjoyed the weekend. And as soon as you make a commitment to me, we can be engaged. However, to protect my own emotions, I am going to date others also. Believe me, before I told you this on the weekend, I was on the point of falling in total and complete worshipful love of you. At the same time I knew you were not ready to commit yourself to me. That was wounding. But I still do love you.

April 17, 1969 – Dear Nate. The letter I received from you today was well written and meaningful. I read it 4 times. I was so glad I heard from you today. I think if I hadn’t, I really would have been in a bad way. This week has been very confusing. There is a barrier building between us, although sometimes I feel we are closer than ever. One minute I’m thrashing myself for remaining undecided when asked for a commitment by such a fine person as you, and I ache at knowing how unfair I’m being. But then I wonder if those thoughts are what should persuade me. I’m so sorry.

“It is the Spirit who gives life. The flesh is no help at all.” (John 6:63)