Young Love (#21)

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relaxedAlthough my old boyfriend was still popping up here and there, Nate chose to believe that “his Meg” had drawn a line in the sand and wouldn’t cross it. My words said so, and he embraced it with all his heart. Though I wasn’t ready to say yes to an engagement and the marriage that would follow, he was convinced it would happen… eventually.

As for my church friend and our continued dates, my journal told the tale:

Although he and I always have great times when we’re together, it probably isn’t fair to keep the relationship going. He’s drawn to me, but feeling a little uneasy about it. I’m drawn to him but feel a little guilty about it. Nate knows about him, but he doesn’t know about Nate. None of that seems right.

I decided to let the relationship slowly dwindle by being unavailable, though I knew that might be painful for both of us. But as I began that process, God took care of the rest. My friend decided on his own that we ought to take a break. On our last date as we talked about this, I felt a twinge of sadness – but I knew it was the right thing to do. It also meant turning full-face toward Nate, no holds barred.

Mar. 19, 1969 – Dear Nate. Your wonderful letters to me have all meant so much. You are faithful in writing, and I love each one. For example, last night I came in very late for a weeknight (2:00 AM) with my arms loaded with junk, very tired, dirty, and longing for sleep. And the first thing that greeted me was 2 ivory-colored letters from Champaign. I threw all my bundles down and ripped open the letters, reading them both twice and wishing I could call you. You made me feel so loved at that moment. What woman wouldn’t like that? I always feel good after reading what you write to me.

Mar. 19, 1969 – Dear Meg. My prayer list, which has many items, includes a prayer thanking the Lord that I fell in love with a Christian woman. You have a very healthy outlook on life, and I find myself really needing you. I love you.

cool-carMar. 19, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’m very much looking forward to meeting your folks this Saturday. But oh boy, am I nervous. I’m even breaking out in pimples. But hopefully it’ll be a lot of fun, too. And some negative news: I put a big dent in the bumper of my fabulous Corvette while doing a swift parallel parking job this morning. Drat.

Mar. 21, 1969 – Dear Nate. Your phone call at midnight last night was the highlight of my day! I was so exhausted that I had come in at about 8:00 PM and plunked down on my bed for a quick nap. The list of what I needed to do in the evening was long, but I actually woke up with your call! After we said goodbye, I went right back to sleep and slept through. Ahhh. This morning I feel fantastic… with enough energy for lots of extra kisses, if you were a little closer than Champaign! See you at 10:00 AM Saturday with an expectant, enthusiastic smile. I’m looking forward to meeting your folks, but not half as much as I’m looking forward to seeing you.   Love to you, Meg

Mar. 21, 1969 – Dear Meg. I cannot wait until the morning. There is a special feeling within me when I know I will see you in a few hours: a kind of happy anxiety. I love you very much. If you accept me by fall, an engagement then until the following summer will allow us to be absolutely certain.

Mar. 21, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’ll probably see you before you get this, but it’ll be nice to get a letter after I’m gone. I always love to come home to a letter from you. It makes it easier to accept the departure when I know your greeting is waiting. My parents are looking forward to spending time with you 2 weeks from now. We’ll have lots of fun when you come. You can take my newly-tuned Corvette for a fast spin. I won’t be taking too many fast spins for a while, at least not till I get back down to 1 traffic ticket again.

“Let all that you do be done in love.” (1 Corinthians 16:14)

Young Love (#20)

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Nate’s salutations moved from “Dear Meg” to “Dearest Meg,” and his patience always seemed to increase to meet the need for it. If he suffered from moments of frustration over my reluctance to say I loved him, he never let it show.

And then, when he least expected it, the fog of my immature confusion lifted, and at long last… love arrived.

dearest-megMar. 16, 1969 – Dearest Meg. I love you. This weekend was lonely and sad without you. I’ve gone to two movies with my men and a staff party with the head resident and his wife to try to keep my mind off you. But no luck… I think of you constantly. When I look at clothing ads in the New Yorker, I imagine you in the clothes. You’re a beautiful woman with intelligence and taste. I am really looking forward to this weekend! But don’t worry. There is no pressure.

Mar. 16, 1969 – Dearest Meg. When you call your kindergarten children “kidlets,” that is very sweet. We can one day fill our apartment with their mobiles, paintings, etc. Good luck on your diet. I am proud of you for always seeking to improve an excellent thing. I have to try hard to measure up to you.

love-maybeMar. 16, 1969 – Dear Nate. Life seems to be one set of confusing circumstances following another. I’ve missed you terribly over the weekend and thought about you constantly. I think I’m in love with you, Nate. Who knows yet if this is the love a marriage must be based upon, but I do think I love you.     Meg.

Mar. 19, 1969 – Dearest Meg. The letter you wrote Sunday midnight puts me in a soaring, joyous frame of mind! And it makes me think of you all day, while doing everything! Each time I get in the car, I almost walk around to open the other door for you, wanting so much for you to be here. Does it sound like I’m deeply in love? Either that or insane! I think it’s the former. I love you!

Mar. 19, 1969 – Dearest Meg. The weather here is fabulous! I hope it holds for the weekend. After dinner with my parents, I want to take you on a drive out into the country again, for a long walk. As for Friday, all the motels here, even in surrounding towns, are booked solid for the State Basketball Tourney this weekend. So if you come on Saturday morning, you’ll be in time for lunch with the parents at noon. I’ll pay for the train fare. I love you so much!

joyfulMar. 19, 1969 – Dear Nate. So much has happened since I last wrote! Sorry it’s been several days,  jam-packed ones — My adult education class and an oral report I had to give after many hours of prep. A broken universal joint on my Corvette that I “helped” Bervin fix (4 hours beneath the car). An important conversation with my brother Tom about his plans – till 3:00 AM (he’s transferring from Wheaton College to a school in Washington DC that’s tops in Political Science). Church responsibilities galore. A funeral wake for a distant relative. A trip back to Wilmette to deposit my Corvette’s hard top in their basement so I can use the soft top (gorgeous weather!). A traffic ticket on the way back to the apartment that night at 1:00 AM. (I’m going to court in April.) And an afternoon spent with (my old boyfriend) playing tennis and chatting until 2:00 AM. My conclusion to all this stuff? I love Nate.

“These three remain: faith, hope… and love.” (1 Corinthians 13:10)

Young Love (#19)

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Both Nate and I continued our letter-writing, often two or three a day, in an effort to keep the relationship current and growing despite the miles between us. I hadn’t yet told Nate I loved him, because I wasn’t sure I did. I also knew that once I said/wrote it, there would be no holding him back. He’d be at my door with a ring. As it was, each of his letters contained multiple “I love you’s” – one had 8 of them.

certain-of-loveAlthough his frame of mind was upbeat in every letter, my moods were all over the place, like a flapping flag on a windy day. But his confidence about our future together seemed to be enough to sustain us both. When I became disheartened, he remained positive, always sending encouragement through his written words.

Mar. 12, 1969 – Dear Meg. If you are discouraged, Mary and Bervin are excellent people for you to talk to. You ought to consider their opinions and consult them often. They can guide and comfort. Sisters who are close in age, education, faith matters, etc. have much to offer each other.

Mar. 12, 1969 – Dear Nate. If it wasn’t for your persistence in developing our relationship, where would we be? Probably a thing of the past. If things ever do work out for us, my happiness will actually be the result of your steady attitude. I do think that meeting your parents, going to your home, and understanding more of your life will be helpful influences on me.

Mar. 13, 1969 – Dear Meg. This afternoon I have ROTC drill at 4:00. I am First Sergeant, which means I call the company into formation, receive roll call, report it to the commander, and dismiss the four platoons. Some time we’ll have a talk about the Army, and I can explain some Army words (the nice ones, that is). I’m sorry you can’t come this weekend. I’ll bury myself in law books to forget…. But I’ll be sad anyway. I want to be with you as much as possible.

Mar. 13, 1969 – Dear Nate. Did I ever tell you that I like it when you call me “Meg?” Creativity runs through your life and personality.

Mar. 13, 1969 – Dear Meg. I miss you every hour, but this weekend as the pace of events slows, I’ll miss you more than ever. This fortnight without you is a torture. I love you. Love, Nate.

thinkingMar. 14, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’m going to mention my old boyfriend again now – only because I don’t want you to worry about that situation. I want you to be aware of what’s going through my mind. He called and wanted to go out tonight for Chinese food and to play pool. But I’m not going. I think he’s getting bored with his new girlfriend and feels like he and I can get back together. I’m aware of the danger of that and don’t want to be more than “occasional friends.” We may go out some, but I think I could take it or leave it. I won’t ever go back to him as his girlfriend.

Mar. 15, 1969 – Dear Meg. You are certainly free to go out with him and any others. Thank you for your honesty. My parents will be here to meet you and eat with us Saturday at noon. I love you and love to hear that sweet voice over the phone. After that I can’t do anything but think of you for hours.

Mar. 15, 1969 – Dear Nate. I may be confused, but I’m happy. Because of God, I can rest in knowing He will guide me in my decision about marriage. I can thank Him in advance for making the right choice and also for taking care of your heart, and mine. We are lucky to belong together to Him.

“Walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love…” (Ephesians 4:1-2)