Step 1. Step 2

Posted on by

My husband was a cerebral guy, well-read in history, politics, current events, literature, almost everything. His intellect was one of the things that first attracted me to him, probably because most of us look for a mate who’s equipped where we are lacking.

But Nate proved over the years that he was also capable of developing an adventurous streak. It was only a streak, since adventure wasn’t his natural bent. But once he was married and raising a family, the situation often called for it.

Nate raftingNate carving.During our dating years, if I’d have told him he’d be white-water rafting down the Colorado River or carv- ing pumpkins in his business suit or compet- ing to win at kid’s games, he’d have had a good laugh.

Nate competing

Hindsight is 20/20, and when I look back at our shared history, I see how adaptable he was. He took to marriage well, and never allowed me off the pedestal he put me on the day we were married.

Clowning aroundHe got “goofy” when he sensed his kids would appreciate it and if coaxed, would set aside serious pursuits to clown around.

Most widows look back and appreciate their men in fresh ways after they’ve gone. It’s the old adage that we don’t fully appreciate what we have till we’ve lost it. I’m no exception and am thankful for Nate in all kinds of ways I never acknowledged while he was alive. Like his willingness to adapt. Thoughts of “wishing him back” stem from a desire to express gratitude for what I left unsaid at the time.

In thinking about this, I also think of the most important relationship in my life, the one with the Lord. Am I noticing and being grateful for his many blessings? And am I following through with voiced appreciation to him? Thankfully with God, it’s never too late to verbalize thanks.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss, in her book Choosing Gratitude, says there are two parts to being grateful: realizing it and voicing it. “Gratitude is learning to recognize [#1] and express [#2] appreciation for the benefits we receive from God and from others.” That means being intentional about letting what’s in our hearts “come out!” *

Step 1. Step 2.

Most of us don’t have trouble identifying reasons to be thankful. It’s that second step where we fall short, the one I regret not stepping into more often with Nate.

Scripture consistently exhorts us to be thankful, and one verse in particular (below) hints at moving the message from inside-to-outside. First get a joyful heart (by being grateful) and then voice thanks. Always.

“Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks…” (Ephesians 5:19-20)

*page 169

Catching a Vision

Posted on by

Creative playWhen two-year-old Emerald and I play together, we enjoy a variety of simple pleasures: reading books, chasing bubbles, playing piano, drawing with markers. But most fun of all is watching her come up with her own creative “games.”

It was her idea to climb into an empty bathtub with her super-balls and stir them up till they fly around like hail in a hurricane. She does it every time she visits .

And she often asks me to reach for her half-dozen sippy-cups so she can stack them, match them with their appropriate lids, and arrange them in a circle like the numbers on a clock.

Vision.Though two-year-olds are total entertainment, maybe it’s more than that. Emerald may grow up to be a visionary, someone who dreams big and tries new things.

The other day she walked into the kitchen (after rummaging through my desk) with my magnifier glasses on her nose. After staring silently for the longest time, she finally just said, “Eyes.”

No doubt she meant, “My eyes can’t see right.” What she saw through them was blurred, but when I offered to take the glasses, she chose to keep them, walking through the house while gently turning her head this way and that to experiment with her new vision. She was fascinated.

VisionNot long ago I had a similar experience but with a non-visionary response. I found a pair of extreme magnifiers at a rummage sale and got a good laugh trying them on. But unlike Emerald’s desire to experience something new, I couldn’t wait to get them off. She pushed through positively; I gave up.

But of course eye-vision is one thing. Being a true visionary is something else. It means believing in an idea so completely that words like impossible, unlikely, or impractical aren’t roadblocks. Visionaries don’t hear even sharp criticism, because their drive to shoot for something fresh and new is so strong.

God knows all about being a visionary. Talk about a vision! His was to save corrupted mankind from sin, an impossible task from our perspective. But he saw through to the end result and ended up accomplishing exactly what he set out to do.

Now, as he offers salvation to each of us, we have to choose whether or not we’ll believe his vision about a sinless future in eternity with him. In a way, that calls for each of us to be a visionary.

We also have to be visionaries about the details. How will things go when we step out of this world and into the next? Since we don’t know for sure, we have to blend God’s word with trust in him. As we do, it’s best not to criticize or worry, which is what non-visionaries do. Instead we should simply “catch God’s vision” and expect that somehow everything is going to work out perfectly.

“Where there is no vision, the people perish.” (Proverbs 29:18)

It wasn’t easy.

Posted on by

Some men go through life without having children, and some have only boys. In both cases, they’ve been spared one of life’s more difficult moments. They’ll never have to “give away” a daughter on her wedding day.

Nate and LinneaLittle girls idolize their daddies. That’s the way it should be, since Daddy is their first reference for what God is like. In a best-case scenario, fathers evidence God-like characteristics toward their daughters: patience, kindness, love, goodness. If a daughter grows up in a relationship with this kind of daddy, it’s easy for her to later relate to God as her loving heavenly Father.

Most fathers are fiercely protective of their daughters. Heaven help the person who intentionally harms them! This is what’s behind a father’s mistrust of adolescent boys who come calling during the dating years. Fathers see themselves as earth’s best security force for their little girls, no matter how big they get.

Margaret and her DadThen comes the greatest of all fatherly challenges, a daughter’s wedding day. Even if a man approves of his potential son-in-law, that walk down a church aisle to place his daughter’s hand in that of a young man can weaken even the strongest knees.

I remember my own wedding-walk down the long aisle of Moody Church. Clutching my dad’s arm gave me a sense of security, and I knew if I got wobbly, he’d stabilize me. But what was he thinking? I never asked.

Linnea and Nate

I did ask Nate, though, about his similar experience. He walked our Linnea down the aisle wearing an expression that said, “This is hard!” When we talked about it later, he said, “It was much harder than I thought it would be.”

And that’s the way it is for fathers who love their daughters.

But even in cases of poor fathering, no one needs to be without a perfect Father. God invites us to be his children, an offer that didn’t come without a “giving away.” Unlike earthly fathers who give away their daughters on a happy wedding day, God gave away his Son to an awful fate, a wrenching death he didn’t deserve. There is no greater sacrifice. Surely that day was excruciating for the Father, and yet he followed through.

Today we are able to reap the benefits of being children of that perfect Father. He is devoted beyond human capability and will never make the wrong call on our behalf. And if we wobble, he will stabilize us.

Although I was eager to have Dad give me away on my wedding day, I don’t ever want God to give me away. And happily, he has promised he never will.

“To all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God — children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.” (John 1:12-13)