Back in September of 2022, Nelson was trying to wean himself off of the “hard drugs” he’d been taking for pain, mentally focusing on a time when his cancer might be gone. If that happens, he doesn’t want to end up with an addiction to pain pills.

                                                              >>>>>>>>>>

September 14, 2022

Pitch black outside still at 6:25 am. Daylight savings starts Nov.6 or so, I think. Last night we ate dinner at our small group leader’s house, and he said, being from Texas, the hardest thing for him here in MN is the winter darkness. For some reason I don’t care about that, but we’ll see, once we get into it a little more.

People really fear the winter. Last night was the longest night of my life. I just couldn’t stay sleeping, waking up every hour and even more. I think it’s because I’m coming off those morphine slow release pills. I’m trying to wean myself off them because I don’t think we need them anymore. So it’s cold sweats and nervousness. Opiate withdrawal. Major bummer. No fun at all. Anyway, like lots of things in life, fun getting started, but no fun getting stopped.

Listening to Colin’s sermon on Contentment: 1 Timothy 6:6-7, “Godliness with contentment is great gain.” We are waiting for the news on the house loan. All the documents have been turned in. It’s a little stressful knowing what a letdown it will be if it doesn’t work out. Lots of messages, devotionals, and Bible verses about letting go and having God as your #1.

Then again, the sermon this morning was about how to be content when you “abound.” He said that Paul learned the secret both ways. He learned how to be content with nothing and then how to abound. Colin asked, “Do you have more than you had 10 years ago? In what ways has God increased you?”

I have to say, we have way more now than we did when we got married. The only thing that’s been radically chopped down has been my health. In that way I have way less than I did 10 years ago. But in the category of money, family, and children, I have more.

Then he challenges us to ask the following, “Have I grown in godliness over the last year? Have I learned how to have less? What about having more? Do I know how to handle that?” The second part in the 4 part series is about, “learning how to abound,” or learning how to have more.

                                                       >>>>>>>>>>

“Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. (Philippians 4:12)

Nelson is feeling a bit better so is trying to lessen his pain meds–which isn’t easy.

                                                          >>>>>>>>>>

September 13, 2022

I pray for light to be shed on our mortal minds. I pray you’ll help me not to overthink things and look endlessly for answers to the point of insanity. Please give me truth. I tend to think that the older I get, the simpler it gets. Not easier, but simpler.

I read complex things in Romans and feel like digging endlessly into them matters less than helping people and meeting with other believers. Theological study means less to me than ever. I feel like it leads me to more introspection and less time helping others.

Lord, help my religion to be the kind that you like, the kind that helps people. James says the kind of religion you want is to help widows and orphans.

                                                           ~~~~~~~~~~

I’m trying to kick the Morphine, which has proven to be hard. I went down to a half dose for a couple days, and the first night, I couldn’t sleep at all and took a pill in the middle of the night anyway. Then the next day, I felt like I had the flu and took another pill in the evening to get through, then another one at night to sleep.

There are 2 kinds: The slow-release and the break-through. Both right now are 15 mg. I don’t know if that’s a lot or a little. I would imagine a guy who didn’t take any opiates might get a pretty good high off a 15 mg pill. But of course all that would lead to is a desire and need for more.

The sun is coming up. It’s 6:45 am. I’m feeling better all the time. I was able to cough and actually have something “come up,” which is new for me. My lungs have felt like lead balloons for the past 6 months now. I can hardly get a full breath, much less hack anything up.

I can hardly believe 2 little pills are the cure for what nearly killed me a month ago. Early July was when I was at the ER and then the ICU, and they told me, “We almost lost you there. Glad your kidneys are strong.” I found that out a few days later, so I didn’t know the gravity of my situation at all.

                                                       >>>>>>>>>>

“The fruit of righteousness will be peace.” (Isaiah 32:17)

A note: Starting tomorrow, I’ll be traveling in Europe for a couple of weeks, so we won’t be blogging during that time. We’ll continue posting Nelson’s journal entries in early November.

Although Nelson’s body has lots of problems, there’s nothing wrong with his mind. In this entry he puzzles over why there would be a growing interest in universalism.

                                                              >>>>>>>>>>

September 13, 2022

I’ve been reading Psalms and Romans lately. Romans strikes me as complex, and the Psalms as more simple. Jesus said we come to him like a child or not at all. Some people I know are entertaining the idea of universalism, which nearly blows me away.

They talk about the Greek and how the text is really written and how we have changed the words of Christ to make them sound different than they really were meant to be. I can hardly believe my ears.

I have to ask myself, “What would change if I thought that every person would be ‘saved’ in the end, that there would be no one in hell but the devil and his demons, that somehow God would save everyone?” I honestly don’t know.

I probably wouldn’t try so hard or pray so much. I would worry less about my salvation. I’m not sure I would do anything involving religion, like church or small group, because what does any of that stuff matter then? Why waste your life agonizing about living right or leading people somewhere they’re all going to end up anyway?

It would be better probably to take more of an, “Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die” mentality, wouldn’t it? If we have an instant to live the life we have here compared to eternity where we all will spend forever, does it really make sense to agonize all the time here about how we live and what we do? I can’t see that really working.

To me, universalism leads to hedonism. Tozer said, “What you believe about God is the most important thing about you.” And I think if you believe that everyone spends eternity with God in eternal bliss and all actions on earth are simply wiped away in an instant, then what’s the point of the Bible?

What’s the point in learning anything about God? In fact, it doesn’t really even matter if you ever heard one thing about the gospel or Jesus, the cross, or life after death. Maybe your prayers would help steer things here and now in some theoretical way, but is it really worth all the trouble?

We might as well pursue earth for all earth has, and then after deal with heaven and God when we get there. I’m not the smartest man in the world, but that’s just my junior way of thinking about it.

Maybe for a really “good” person, universalism calms them about a relative who rebels against God, and they don’t like the idea that this rebellion means eternal separation from God by personal choice.

Possible? I think.

Maybe it’s the strong desire to have things be “fair” by some humanistic standard. Why would God send people to hell? I don’t know. Maybe because lots of us want to go there? We want to rule our own lives and get what we deserve, and that’s exactly what we’ll get.

Universalism seems to erase the Bible, or most of its meaning, and the cross of its power. My dumb ramblings are probably full of holes, but I thought in the dark of this morning, I’d jot them down. Maybe God will shed light on this for me in some way some day.

Lord, how can a man pray with a pure heart? How can a man go into his prayer closet alone and not come out all deceived by his own desires to make things go well for him and the people he knows?

How can any of us really receive anything from you, if it’s unpleasant or not what we want to hear? Certainly your dealings with us here on earth are not what we want lots of the time? Wouldn’t it follow that your dealings with us prayer-wise would be the same?

I don’t know, and that’s the only thing I’m sure of.

                                                           >>>>>>>>>>

Jesus said, “No one comes to the Father except through Me.” (John 14:6)