Blindsided by Bad News

Posted on by

Five years ago at about this time, Nate and I were shocked when his cell phone delivered some very disturbing news. It had to do with an invisible enemy that was shortly to become visible: pancreatic cancer throughout his body.

With hindsight being 20/20, we now see how the cancer was present and active throughout the summer, but it wasn’t until the test results from a pre-op physical (for back surgery) that alarm bells began clanging. His liver numbers “were off,” prompting the doctor to order a scan of the liver and pancreas, located next to each other.

Doctor's OfficeJournal words tell the tale: “While we were in the office of a new orthopedic doctor getting a third opinion on Nate’s spine, one of our other doctors called Nate’s cell. ‘The results of your scan indicate a mass on the liver,’ he said, matter-of-factly. ‘But don’t jump to any conclusions. Tissue is tissue, and we won’t know anything conclusive until we do a biopsy.’ The doctor told Nate he’d made an appointment for him and then said, ‘Be sure you keep it.’

A few minutes later as we stood in the hall awaiting the elevator, Nate was trembling from head to toe, his cheeks, his shoulders, his hands, but no wonder. He’d just been hard-hit with the words “mass” and “biopsy,” two words no one wants to hear.

“How’re you feeling?” I asked, enfolding him in a hug.

“It’s OK. We’ll get through it,” he said.

These simple words were meant to prevent jumping to a wrong conclusion, but when our eyes locked, we saw we already had. In the car we listened to an earlier phone message left by the same doctor Nate had just heard from:

“I need to talk to you right away. Here’s my direct number. And if I don’t answer, here’s my pager. And if for some reason that doesn’t work, here’s the number for the girl at the desk, who will come and find me.” We knew we were in a serious mess.

As we drove from Chicago back to Michigan I said, “If they need to do surgery on your liver, I want to give you a chunk of mine. People can do that, you know. And I really mean it.”

Nate’s response was off-subject. “I think I’ve already used up today’s pain meds for my back. It’s going to be a bad night.”

Storm comingA storm was about to hit, and both of us knew we’d need a place to run and hide. We also needed God to show us how to spot his blessings in the rubble, because at that moment, we couldn’t see a single one.

 

“My people will live in… undisturbed places of rest. Though hail flattens the forest and the city is leveled completely, how blessed you will be.” (Isaiah 32:18-20)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Big praise about the new, stronger antibiotics: the feeding tube infection is beginning to heal and feels much better!
  2. Please pray for tomorrow’s infusion #12, that they’ll be able to find a good vein. Without a port, my veins are suffering. Hoping I won’t have to have a port put in.

Crystal Clear

Posted on by

Jack's bowlsSome would say our dog Jack is spoiled. After all, he eats and drinks out of crystal bowls.

Well, not quite. Though that’s what it looks like, the truth is far from it. Years ago, Nate was running an errand to Ace Hardware to copy a key. When he returned, he came in all excited, calling for me.

“I bought you something!” he said, with a big smile. Handing me a heavy brown bag, he said, “You’re gonna love these.”

I couldn’t imagine what might come from Ace that I would love, but inside, wrapped in multiple plastic bags, were four giant glass bowls. It was one of those moments when I knew I should say something enthusiastic, but I was dumbfounded. Four huge identical bowls? Where would I store them? How would I use so many? What about the bowls I already had?

Nate saw my confusion. “Glass bowls! You love glass!”

Still fishing for words, I said, “Wow.”

He nodded and continued. “And you wouldn’t believe the price! Two bucks each! If they’d had any more, I’d have bought ‘em all!”

Grateful to receive 4 bowls instead of 24, I finally found something to say. “Thanks so much!”

The bowls ended up stored in a stack on the dining room floor, since the cabinets were already full. Nate loved seeing them there, because they prompted him to tell dinner guests about his fabulous find. Gradually I gained appreciation for the bowls, because of the thoughtfulness behind them.

When we moved to Michigan with the 4 bowls, we were squeezing two houses worth of stuff into one and had a bowl-crisis for sure. I asked every visitor, “Want a pressed glass bowl?” For nearly a year there were no takers, though eventually one did go to a new home. In the end, though, Jack ended up with 2 of them.

Now, whenever I fill Jack’s bowls, I’m thankful I didn’t say what I was thinking when Nate first presented them. The fact that I held back, though, had nothing to do with me and everything to do with God’s answer to a long-standing prayer.

Closed mouthI’ve often asked the Lord to stop me from saying wrong things. He’s done it again and again, sealing my lips in the nick of time. The day Nate gave me the bowls, it was God (not me) who kept me from blurting out something hurtful. Had I voiced my thoughts back then, today I would feel awful every time I fed the dog.

Proverbs 17:28 says, “Even a fool is thought wise if ‘she’ keeps silent.” So when I’m thinking like a fool as I was on bowl-gift-day, silence was God’s direct answer to my prayers.

And that’s crystal clear.

“Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” (Psalm 141:3)

God’s Alarm Clock

Posted on by

For whatever reason, my bedtime has become later and later. Although I was a keen critic of my teenagers staying up till the wee hours, the past few months have seen me following suit. I’ve had to eat my words that “nothing good happens after midnight,” since God often gives me blog-insights well after that.

At first I tried to camouflage my new habit: “Last night was just a fluke, kids. I’m still a morning person.” But as the weeks passed, my lark-ness morphed into owl-y-ness. Even Jack complied, dragging around all morning like a record at 33 1/3 speed, but zipping up to 78 at midnight.

Last night I crawled into bed after 3:00 AM. My final words to the Lord were, “I know. This is ridiculous.”

SpiderThis morning God announced a new program for me. Just as he provided a worm to eat Jonah’s biblical vine to get him up and going, he provided a tiny critter to nibble me awake. I never saw it, but my best guess about the sharp jab in my forearm was a spider. Although we’ve seen daddy-long-legs in our basement, I’ve always told skitterish kids spiders aren’t interested in climbing two flights to the bedrooms. But when God says go, animals do.

Nate was right when he repeatedly said our battle against woodland critters would be ongoing, since we lived on the edge of a forest. We agreed it would be pointless to call pest control, sort of like trying to keep the bottom of a boat from getting wet.

After God’s wake-up this morning, I noticed the clock said 8:00 and knew I needed more than five hours of sleep before tackling the day. But while drifting off again, a second “ouch” woke me. Finally I got the message. My thought had been more sleep; his was more hours in my day.

One of the magnificent things about God is how creative he is in achieving his goals. That’s good news for those of us who hunger for his participation in our lives. Oftentimes he allows painful circumstances, but being the recipient of God’s personal attention always includes a positive undercard. If we’re willing to submit, we’ll eventually experience the good stuff.

This morning’s unique wake-up call left two welts that have coaxed me to set my alarm tonight. If I don’t, God may direct his assistant to climb the stairs again. In the mean time, where’s that number for pest control?

“The Lord God provided a vine… to ease [Jonah’s] discomfort. But at dawn the next day God provided a worm, which chewed the vine so that it withered.” (Jonah 4:6-7)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Thank you for praying about my painful feeding tube, which is still with me as per the GI doctor’s recommendation today: “Removal is easy. Re-establishing is difficult.”
  2. Pray that new, powerful antibiotics will eliminate infection and ease pain.
  3. Praise for minimal nausea this week, always a concern.