Saintly Behavior

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A guy-friend recently said, “I’ve been reading the blog and gosh, I never realized what a saint Nate was.” I’m sure he was also thinking, “He wasn’t really, was he?”

Nate loading dishwasherWhy does Nate come across that way in the blog posts? I suppose it’s because I’ve chosen to share only the good things. Interestingly, that’s easy now. It’s satisfying. In the years since he died, I’ve missed him terribly and have come to appreciate the “good stuff” anew.

Psychology experts tell us if we’re going to criticize someone, we should first speak out four praises. Thinking I was already doing that, one day many years ago I decided to keep track. Sadly, I was woefully deficient in the praise category.

Double DutyOne thing I learned as I kept my tally, though, was that I could improve with practice. I also discovered something else. When I thought nice things about Nate such as, “He’s such a big help to me,” I often failed to say them. If I asked God to prompt me to turn those thoughts into words, he would, but of course I had to remember to ask.

I did learn one foolproof way to go from my spotty performance to 100% success in my praising, though: to hear the words “terminal cancer.” Those two words caused an instant change in my ways. Now, looking back to the time when Nate was healthy and with me daily, I can see it was pride that kept me from praising him lavishly while I still could have. And it’s pitiful.

???????????????????????????????I wonder how marriages would change if wives and husbands agreed to make only uplifting statements to one another for a month in an effort to establish new patterns. This would mean swallowing every word of criticism before it came out and letting go of all desire to change the other person. It would mean continually ignoring the bad and highlighting the good… as I’m now finding is so rewarding to do.

God knew this wouldn’t come naturally for us, but that didn’t stop him from urging us to reach for it. When the Lord addresses our partnerships (husbands and wives, soldiers and leaders, brothers and sisters, church members, parents and children, business partners), he urges us to be positive with our words. As a matter of fact, he elevates this to best-possible-activity level, telling us it actually brings him glory when we do it.

After nearly 5 years without Nate, my inner wish is that I could go back and try again. I know I could do much better now…. maybe even be saintly.

“May God, who gives… patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. Accept each other just as Christ has accepted you, so that God will be given glory.” (Romans 15:5,7)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1.  A new anti-nausea drug has worked perfectly today – NO nausea!
  2. The feeding tube options aren’t quite as good. I’ll see a GI specialist in a week to decide what to do. Please pray for wisdom then, and for decreased pain now.
  3. Pray I’ll be able to continue helping with wedding preparations and hosting kids and grandkids this coming week.

Names and Nicknames

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As each one of our children was born, Nate and I established two guidelines for naming them: (1) to follow Swedish tradition, and (2) for their names to be uncommon. We named them Nelson, Lars, Linnea, Klaus, Hans, Louisa and Birgitta.

We knew we were taking a chance by using unusual names and hoped our offspring wouldn’t hate them, but of course as youngsters they wanted to share commonly used names so that when they were asked, no repetition would be necessary. But as we hoped, they grew into their names, eventually becoming thankful for them.

In a hospital scene repeated seven times, Nate and I did what all parents do; we studied each newborn face and finalized a name, a delightful process. Although we went into labor and delivery with a list of boy and girl favorites, it didn’t seem right to actually choose until we got a look at him or her. Then, almost always, the “right” name popped out of the list.

Part of those naming conversations would always be mulling over possible nicknames, exploring whether or not any of those might evolve into teasing. Now we know there isn’t a name anywhere without nickname potential, even for adults.

Midge-Pidge beach chairsSeveral years ago our younger girls gave Nate and I nicknames: Pidge and Midge (see beach chairs). I liked mine, but Nate wasn’t enamored with his. “Sounds a lot like pigeon,” he said. Mary and Bervin became Modge and Podge, and one of their daughters Morge. So we were Midge, Pidge, Modge, Podge, and Morge.

Names are important to God. Scripture says he wrote us into the Book of Life from before the world was even made. In his limitless foreknowledge, he knew what people like Nate and I would decide to name each of our children and already had those choices written down. Such a thought is mind-boggling and completely wonderful.

At some future date when God decides the world will end, he says we’re going to receive new names, each one known only to the person receiving it. (Revelation 2:17) This sounds mysterious, especially because when it happens, he’s going to write it on a white stone as he gives it to us. Maybe it’s these new names that are written in his book rather than the names we now have.

The bookIn any case, Jesus makes it clear, while teaching his followers, that even more important than a name itself is where it’s written down. Is it in his Book? If it is, it’ll stand strong as a reservation for residence in heaven.

“Do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.” (Luke 10:20)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Pray for minimal nausea after chemo #10 tomorrow and an absence of other side effects.
  2. My second feeding tube is acting up just like the first one, prohibiting sleep. Pray we’ll get some help tomorrow while we’re there for chemo.
  3. I’m grateful for a full day at Moody Church today, and for the quiet of our “little nest” in the Chicago condo. Thank you for your prayers.

Good Night

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Nate and I had the luxury of sleeping in a king size bed for four years. As we sixty-somethings age, we appreciate a good night’s sleep more and more, because it’s harder and harder to get.

Our king, purchased to celebrate our 60th birthdays, used to be in a downstairs bedroom and was available to more than just Nate and I. Volumes of girl-talk happened on that bed, as well as lounging amongst the giant pillows while watching TV. Sick kids spent their day in it, and Louisa slept there for a week after her painful tonsillectomy. Friends of our kids claimed it was “the world’s most comfy bed.”

BarracksA year after Nate died, the king got dismantled and moved from our cottage bedroom to the room next door, an Army-style bed-barracks decorated, coincidentally, in olive drab. Beds filled the floor space for group sleeping when crowds came to town, and the addition of a California king meant sleeping three more.

I went back to sleeping on our old double bed with its well-worn sheets, but once it was set up in my room where the king had been, it looked small.

“Set-back!” it shouted.

I thought, “If only I didn’t need sleep and could stay up all night, every night. Better yet, if only night wouldn’t come at all and the sun would never set…”

Right then God moved into that scene and comforted me with fresh thoughts: Nate isn’t using a bed in his new home and doesn’t miss either our king size or the double. So he gets to stay awake “around the clock” and never has to face a lonely night, because there’s no night there. All of that was good news to me, because it describes my future, too.

Heaven's LightI’m still bound by day and night, work and sleep. But after I die, after all of us die, we’ll be free of this cycle, one of unnumbered heavenly blessings. Nate didn’t sleep well most nights, although it might have been those 15 cups of coffee he drank each day. The fact that he’ll never face another night of tossing and turning is great joy for him.

But for the rest of us, nighttime can be riddled with problems: difficulty getting to sleep or staying that way, nightmares, fear of noises or break-ins, feelings of vulnerability, and the chronic dilemma of every daytime predicament growing greater during the night. When nighttime disappears, so will these problems.

I still don’t like nighttime without Nate, but the old double bed gives me a pretty good night’s sleep. And because Nate and I slept in it for 36 years, it feels familiar, like spending the night with an old friend again.

“Night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light.” (Revelation 22:5)