Safe at Last

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The aftermathIn the days following the 2001 terrorist attacks on New York’s twin towers and the Pentagon, everything that had been secure in our country suddenly became shaky. Peter Jennings came on TV at the end of his newscast the day after the buildings collapsed and said, “Talk to your children tonight, and assure them they’ll be safe.”

Nate and I had been watching together, and I said, “Children shouldn’t be told that, because it’s not true.”

We talked for a few minutes about the safety we do or don’t have in our country or on this earth and concluded it would be a lie to assure our children of something that isn’t a sure thing. The only guaranteed safety anywhere is in Christ, and that doesn’t include earthly safety. It’s only after death and leaving this world to live with the Lord that we can be sure no harm will come to us ever again.

Airport securityAfter 9/11, security measures in America were drastically heightened. Waiting in long airport lines became standard for flyers. Anyone who seemed suspect in any way was pulled aside (as Nate was here) and “wanded” or searched, but if it meant we’d be safer on airplanes, we were willing.

Times Square bombDespite added rules and more personnel watching over us, safety still wasn’t guaranteed. We witnessed the shoe bomb, the underwear bomb, the SUV bomb in Times Square, the Boston Marathon bombs, and others. What can keep the next angry bomb-maker from succeeding?

A widow friend told me recently of her battle with fear immediately after her husband died. She’d never spent a night alone and had difficulty sleeping for fear of a break-in. Every noise gave her a chill. Sadly, no one can assure her a break-in will never occur.

Our own daughters, while living in Chicago, walked home from work with pepper spray in hand. Two blocks north of their neighborhood a pair of friends had been clubbed with a baseball bat, both hospitalized after the attack with one critically injured.

So what are we to do about life as we know it, since we’re all forced to live in a world fraught with danger? The only answer is to trust God for our ultimate security, which may not come until after we die. Nate, having left this world, is now 100% secure. No more airport security searches, no more dangers of any kind. He’s untouchable.

In the mean time, we can try to keep our children safe while telling them about Jesus. We could also install alarm systems or even hire armed guards, but who are we fooling? Bad things will continue to happen to good people. Although our bodies and earthly lives will always be at risk in this shaky world, our souls can be secure in God’s unshakable care. Once we believe this, we can rest easy.

”In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe.”

But Mom….

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Found...by the disciplesAlthough motherhood is a big commitment, the Lord promises to be our co-parent. Jesus is an excellent mothering example, despite not having been a mother. In the New Testament he referred to his disciples as children and often handled them (and others) in mother-like ways:

  • He worked hard to get time alone. We read, “Jesus went off to the mountain, and they found him…” or “Jesus got up a long while before dawn, but they searched for him…” or “Soon afterward, Jesus went… and his disciples and a large crowd went with him.” (Sound familiar?)
  • He often said, “Don’t you remember?” or “I already told you!” or “Don’t you understand?” It seems these 12 men only listened half-way. (Ring a bell?)
  • He taught, healed, listened, traveled (all on foot with only rare opportunities to sit down), and washed feet. (Sound like bath time?)
  • People pushed Jesus, ran after him, plunked children on his lap, and grabbed his clothes. (Strike a chord?) His response was never to resist but to reach out to these same people with help.
  • Jesus had to deal with bickering between his disciples on dozens of occasions: “Who’s the greatest? Who gets to sit by you? Why do you fuss over those children? Why don’t we have anything to eat? Where will we get some money?” (Remind you of anything?)
  • Jesus used every question as a teachable moment, turning the challenge back on them by asking his own questions. (Recognize that challenge?)
  • Jesus’ entire ministry was a string of interruptions. We read, “He was on the way, when…” (Interruptions = irritation?) He always stopped what he was doing for face-to-face encounters.
  • Jesus had people peppering him with demands as he walked along, as he entered the temple, as he preached, and as he tried to get away from the crowds: “Jesus, heal me! Jesus, you must come with me! Jesus, just say the word! Jesus, how can I be saved?” (Are your ears burning?) He always responded with patient love.
  • Jesus always forgave. (…not always easy for moms)

Washing of feetSo Jesus was, indeed, a wonderful mothering example, even referring to himself as “like a mother hen” gathering her chicks around her.

We know we can’t do it as well as Jesus did, but there are a million ways to try, and striving toward his example is a good place to start.

We do get credit for one parenting characteristic we have in common with Jesus, however. He and we would lay down our lives for our children. The only difference is, he actually did.

“We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters [and children].” (1 John 3:16)

No new prayer requests for Mary tonight (a praise!). We’ll update you as needs arise.

Wrapped in Comfort

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In the years after Nate died, I gave away most of his clothes, many of them to distribution centers helping the homeless. There’s one piece, however, I’ve decided to keep… and to wear. It’s his navy blue, terrycloth bath robe.

Nate's robeNate wore this robe daily. Throughout 2009 when he was plagued by severe back pain, he couldn’t wait to get out of his business suit each evening and into the comfort of this bath robe. Usually the transition was made immediately after our 7:00 PM dinner by way of a hot soak in the tub with a good book.

Once in a while I’d get frustrated watching him abdicate the hustle and bustle of family life in favor of undressing and moving toward a prone position that alleviated back pain. I even grew to dislike the navy robe, which for both of us represented the end of his day. I’d ask, “Are you getting ready for night time already?” Now, of course, I feel bad about the implication of my question, but I hadn’t known the extent of his pain.

These days, as I wrap myself in his “giant towel,” I think comforting thoughts about Nate. I ponder the absence of his back pain and know he’d smile to see how I’ve come to appreciate his robe. I also imagine how he’d laugh if he could see me in it, the shoulders droopy and the belt nearly going around twice. But he’d be glad I’ve finally discovered there’s comfort in that terrycloth.

Many of my widow pals say they find a warm refuge in wearing a husband’s jacket, shirt or socks. It sounds silly, especially if we never shared our men’s clothing while they were still with us. But it’s one of the few remaining links we have to our partners, and because of that, wearing their clothes takes on special meaning.

Scripture tells us God is a good comforter. He provides his Holy Spirit as a soothing balm from our insides out, supplying comfort deep-down in those places nobody sees. Jesus said that when we mourn, he’ll see to it that relief comes to us. (Matthew 5:4) One of the many ways he’s comforted me is by coaxing me into Nate’s robe.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles…” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4a)

Praising and Praying with Mary (on their anniversary today)

I thank God for 47+ years with Bervin! May the Lord bless him (and our marriage) through this cancer challenge.