The Chemo Room

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Mary is a trooper. She doesn’t complain and accepts what is. And what is, for now, is chemotherapy: every Monday for 3 weeks, then a week off, then another round of the same – for 6 months. That’s a lot of chemo and a lot of stress.

First there’s the anxiety leading up to the hours-long ordeal at the hospital. It isn’t that Mary is skitterish about needles. She’s a nurse by training and has never been squeamish. She bears pain well and gave birth to 7 babies without even a whimper. But waiting in the oncology department at a hospital? That’s rough, mostly because there’s SO much waiting.

IMG_6552Waiting to be tested, talked-to, tested again, given results, hooked up to an IV, and waiting through the infusion.  The system is first come, first served, and after each encounter with medical personnel, it’s back to the end of the line to wait again. Emotionally it’s difficult to pass the time in a crowd of very ill, very subdued patients.

Mary has come to terms with her cancer, but when she’s away from the medical world, she can set aside that reality for a while. Focusing on everyday duties common to people without cancer offers a respite from the exhaustion of pondering it all. But sitting in the chemo waiting room? That brings cancer front and center again.

And then there’s the infusion itself. It isn’t easy watching a bagful of poison drip into your system, especially when you’ve always been careful about what goes into your body. A chemo patient wonders: Will I be vomiting tonight? Or will the effects be minimal? Will I be too exhausted to do anything but crawl into bed? And if so, will I be able to sleep? These questions press hard in the chemo room.

IMG_8395Because of all this, daughter Stina put together a beautiful tote bag with comfort-contents, things she thought might help her mom get through 18 chemo treatments: a blanket, reading material, cozy footies, ginger root for nausea, mouthwash, a special water bottle.

Last weekend our ladies group did the same, adding to Mary’s stash: ginger tea, body lotions, sea bands for nausea, a scented candle, snack foods. She may not use everything, but we’re hoping she can feel the love behind it.

IMG_1764(1)When someone has cancer, we’re not always sure what to do or say. Most of us are afraid of being insensitive without meaning to, or even causing offense. But Jesus has the instructive word on this: “Love one another.” We may not always do it perfectly, but because Mary is who she is, she receives what she’s given with joy.

And we hope she feels our love surrounding her…. even in the chemo room.

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” (Romans 12:10)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Continue to pray against nausea.
  2. Pray for more energy to help Stina with wedding plans.
  3. Praise for a quiet day of rest today.

A Firm Foundation

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Today began with an event I’ve been looking forward to ever since we bought our Michigan cottage 14 years ago: the first stage of building a back yard deck.

CottageMost people would have either built the deck or given up by now, but complicating factors prohibited either one. In 2009 when we moved here full time, we hoped to retire and become part of a much quieter, slower lifestyle.

But as we were getting settled, Nate’s terminal cancer appeared, changing everything. Even so, I remember the day he and I walked from room to room talking of improvements we hoped to make in our home. It was a future-oriented conversation we both enjoyed while quietly knowing it wasn’t going to happen before he was gone.

Door to nowhereAs I moved into the sadness of widowhood, renovation plans were shelved, including the deck. It wasn’t until years later that it seemed right to pursue the list Nate and I had made during our house-walk. And now, a deck is about to be born outside our “door to nowhere.”

Since our property is on an incline, the boards will be 6 feet off the ground and in need of solid underpinnings, 4 X 4 posts set in 42” of concrete.

Digging holesAlmost immediately today the workmen ran into trouble. A foot below the surface, their tools hit a mysterious concrete barrier. Trying to dig it up proved futile, as did breaking through it.  So the men had two options.

One was to set shorter posts into the holes, hoping the new concrete would sit firmly on the old. The other was to reconfigure deck plans enough to relocate the holes. Eventually they decided that taking a chance on a wiggly foundation was a bad idea, and they rearranged the plans to where they could dig new, deep holes instead. A quality structure depends on a sure foundation.

In one sense that’s what Mary is doing with the misery of chemotherapy. She’s building the firmest foundation possible toward good health. She could have chosen a short-cut, skipping chemo and hoping the surgery she had would be enough to keep cancer away.

Instead she made the more difficult decision with a higher emotional and physical price tag. All of us who love her are exceedingly thankful. The firm foundation she’s building (requiring 18 infusions) will yield the strongest result.

Someone else who sacrificed absolutely everything to build a firm foundation was Jesus Christ. His goal wasn’t physical health but spiritual health, making a way for us to become righteous through him. And there’s never been a higher price to pay than the cross. As a result, we can base our faith on him with rock-solid confidence it will never wobble. His foundational promises are actually what Mary is standing on daily as she lays her own groundwork toward good health with 6 months of chemo.

And not too long from now, I hope she’ll find herself relaxing on a new, wiggle-free, firmly-founded deck.

“God’s solid foundation stands firm, sealed with this inscription: ‘The Lord knows those who are his’.” (2 Timothy 2:19)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Praise that the chemo infusion today (#2) had less wait-time, and blood counts were still in acceptable ranges.
  2. Pray blood counts will stay high enough to receive infusion #3 next week, completing the first round of six.
  3. Pray against infection as white blood cells continue to drop.
  4. Pray against nausea, which was a struggle today.

Arms Wide Open

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There’s no friend like an old friend. As the world is shrinking and people become more mobile, maintaining old friendships gets tougher. Hanging on requires a deliberate effort to stay in touch, and not just through social media. There’s nothing like putting your arms around a good buddy to nourish a friendship.

???????????????????????????????This weekend seven of us recharged some long term women-friendships. For 25 years we’ve worked to stay current with each other, but recently it’s become increasingly difficult. A decade ago we met monthly, rotating in and out of each other’s homes for evenings of conversation, laughter, and good food. These days, however, finding monthly dates has been impossible, partly because we’ve become grandmas with 43 grands between us.

When we finally do get together, though (this time after 7 months), something special happens. And we’ve just had a very special 24 hours. This was the first time we’ve been together since Mary’s cancer, and during our prayer time today, voices were catching and tears were falling.

Sunny friendshipsBut one of the reasons old friends stay friends is the absence of secrets. Looking around the table at breakfast this morning, it struck me that we seven know virtually everything about each other. We can ask any question and know we’ll get a thorough, honest answer. No subject is off limits, no games are being played. No one is trying to impress another, and there’s no one-up-man-ship.

ConnieThese are the friendships that mean the most to women, and I think to God, too. He wants us to set aside the goofy notion that we can hide something from him or keep him from knowing the whole truth about us. He’s hoping for transparency.

In the Gospels Jesus invites us into open friendship with him, offering to reveal his true self to us. After such a magnanimous offer, how can we refuse to “wrap our arms around him,” preferring arm’s length instead?

This weekend we began to understand that maybe the Lord wants us to view earthly friendships as a hint of what’s waiting for us in Paradise. One day we’ll have a camaraderie with Jesus that will far surpass even what we seven had this weekend. And it will satisfy our longing in an overwhelming way to finally be able to put our arms around Jesus, our true Friend.

5 of 7“I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:15)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Praise for a nourishing weekend with old friends, for sunny weather, and for feeling wonderful
  2. Pray for Monday’s chemo infusion. Mary said, “I know chemo is the right thing to do, but it’s a reminder of the difficult truth that I have cancer.”
  3. She said, “Pray I’ll find the right mental balance between denial (when I’m feeling good) and negativity (when I’m feeling nauseated).