Today’s post has Nelson finishing up on yesterday’s entry with some harsh words.

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September 4, 2022, from yesterday:

Pride, rebellion, and unbelief. These are the sins of hell itself. These are the sins that say, “I deserve better from God than what I got.”

What do I deserve?

To continue:

I deserve hell on earth followed by hell in hell. I have received far better than I should get. God has given me way more than anything I deserve. “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord.” (Job 1:27)

Colin refers to Romans, the scripture I read yesterday about the clay speaking to the potter, questioning the purpose. Pride, rebellion, and unbelief. The children of Israel complaining about no water, wondering whether God is even among them. Grumbling begins.

If we are allowing discontent to set up shop in our own lives, we are becoming our own tormenters. I have found that I am a God-hater when I am discontent. Grumbling means you lose your discernment. Don’t trust a complainer. “When God wants to do an impossible task, he takes an impossible man, and he crushes him.” ~ Alan Redpath (right).

I have had the thought more than once that the cancer I have and being literally crushed by it is something allowed to come to me to save my soul or to literally keep me from slipping off the path of salvation. If that’s the case, I’m grateful for it. How can that be?

Well, I realize that doing ministry for a living is the best way to slip away from God and to be the only one who knows it. When you get cancer, it’s easy to ask God, “Why me?” and compare yourself to others you know, wondering why you got it and no one else did.

Lord, I pray for forgiveness for discontentment with what you have withheld. I don’t feel I even have control over it, but I want you help me get through it.

I have had the most amazing life and done some of the most amazing things a person can do, had the best opportunities (whether I have taken them or not), and been around some of the smartest people. I have no reason to be discontent or to grumble.

I pray you would help me in this area. I have so much. I am so grateful to you for being so kind and generous to me, for giving me Annso, for her parents who are such sweet believers and so nice to me, for this place, for the rain this morning, for being alone here and to have this time.

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“Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed.” (Luke 12:15)

Vacationing in Michigan where many of Nelson’s family members live, he decided to skip church on this Sunday, knowing he would be pulled into lots of joyful conversations welcoming him—but knowing it would deplete his few physical resources.

He had church alone, listening to a sermon on contentment.

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September 4, 2022

We made it to Michigan without a problem yesterday. The [Honda] Pilot runs great and proves to be dependable with time. Thank you Lord for leading me to that car. I pray the triplex would prove to be the same, that you would have hidden blessings in that old place.

I’m sitting at the kitchen table at Drew and Jo’s place. They were generous enough to let us all stay here, as Mom’s place is pretty full. Everyone is moving to Michigan is seems.

The nights are long as I get up every 2 hours to pee and relieve my neck pain that increases the longer I stay still. It’s Sunday, and Annso and the gang will go to the Tabernacle here with Mom. It’s nice Annso wants to go back there. Bethany is a special place, and she understands that.

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” (Romans 12:12)

 Patient in affliction. If he means “affliction” in general, I can apply this verse to my own time with Cancer. If he means only persecution because of the gospel, then not as much, but I’ll take it.

We are making our way in Rochester [MN], and it’s slow and hard. We seek God all the time though, which I want to make sure we keep doing. Lord, I pray for contentment with what we have, with our little life in Rochester. I’d rather be where you call me than a millionaire in any other place.

Later:

Contentment is something I felt was good to focus on this morning, being here at Drew’s place alone, while the others are at church. I don’t want to get mobbed and worn out too early.

The 4 part sermon series by Colin Smith seems like a good place to start. Funny, this was preached in 2016 before Covid, and he says that anger, frustration, and anxiety dominated life in the modern city life in Chicago, hence his choice for the topic of contentment. How much more relevant is that now today, than it was then?

Paul “learned” the secret of being content, meaning it didn’t come easy. Colin starts that sermon by knowing there is a need in my life—something wrong in my life—and it matters that I change it. He uses that as the topic for part 1.

Is this an area I need to change? If so, am I willing to work on changing it? And if so, how do I go about doing this? Peace, satisfaction and trust: The opposite of anger, frustration, and anxiety.

“See, the Lord is coming with thousands upon thousands of his holy ones to judge everyone, and to convict all of them of all the ungodly acts they have committed in their ungodliness, and of all the defiant words ungodly sinners have spoken against him.” These people are grumblers and faultfinders; they follow their own evil desires; they boast about themselves and flatter others for their own advantage.” (Jude 15&16)

“Grumblers and faultfinders.” These are the ones God is coming to judge and convict. They sin with their mouths. They are always frustrated and never satisfied. Pride, rebellion, and unbelief. These are the sins of hell itself. These are the sins that say, “I deserve better from God than what I got.”

What do I deserve?

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(…to be continued)

“Godliness with contentment is great gain.” (1 Timothy 6:6)

Still wrestling with questions about why God does things as he does, Nelson comes to a firm conclusion.

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September 3, 2022

Should I go down the trail trying to find out a good reason God would do or allow bad things to happen, so I can be happy that he is nice? I don’t do that, because I can’t lie to myself. God is God and that’s that. This is the way I settle it. He is the potter, and earth is his footstool, and he does what he wants here, with whoever he wants.

We are all born into sin, so there really is no such thing as an innocent person. After earth as we know it is over, there is bound to be some sort of judgment and the scales will be evened off. The best we can hope for is justice there, because it certainly doesn’t happen here, not in a way I can be satisfied with.

Life on earth is not the end of the story. Human life and God go on. If we live forever, and that’s probably true, then there is another chapter. Until then, the best we can do is love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love our neighbor as ourself. That’s our job.

God raises up the humble and brings low the proud. I do my job, and God does his. He raises up the humble, so it’s probably better if I’m found among the humble, not the proud.

7:20 pm.

We made it to Michigan without incident. The baby slept well on the way, Ralph drove the first half and me the second. We had dinner at Mom’s and came over to Drew and Jo’s, where we stay. It’s so nice here, and it’s hard to believe the lavish blessings God gives to us. This house is so nice it’s hard to believe we get to stay here. The living room is big enough to fly a model airplane in.

Thank you Lord for your generosity to us, for the family we have, for the place you gave us to live in Rochester and the nice Honda Pilot to get us here and back up there on Wednesday. Drew and Jo are so nice to let us stay here.

Everyone is so nice to us here. Ralph is in front of the tube watching college football. He doesn’t know what he’s watching [being from Germany], but just sitting at this giant TV in this giant living room is enough for us right now. Thank you Lord for your blessings big and small.

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“The Lord your God is in your midst…. He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will quiet you with his love.” (Zephaniah 3:17)