Eager Expectations

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???????????????????????????????Last week I took 18 month old Emerald to the beach, and though she’d been there last year as a baby, this time everything was new again. She experimented with different size shovels, enjoyed the toys we’d brought, and worked hard to stay upright on a steep dune. Best of all, though, was touching the sand.

She spent at least 15 minutes picking up fistfuls and rubbing it between her fingers, feeling its texture, watching it fall. Every so often she’d squeal, bubbling over with joy over this new experience.

This morning while reading from Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest, God showed me how Emerald’s behavior at the beach paralleled what is supposed to be our experience as Christians. When she stands up in her crib each morning, Emerald has no idea what her day will bring, and it doesn’t bother her in the least. She has no expectations and approaches each day with eagerness.

Chambers wrote, “We do not know what each day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness; it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation.”

???????????????????????????????His point? No matter what uncertainties we feel, we can be certain of God. “He packs our life with surprises,” Chambers said. And this is where Emerald comes in. He referred to Matthew 18:3 (“Except you… become as little children”) when he wrote, “Spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God but uncertain of what he is going to do next.” Emerald isn’t uncertain of Birgitta and her capable leadership, protection, and love. She just has no idea what it will look like on any given day.

We adults, however, often find that kind of certainty-in-God difficult to cultivate. It’s much easier to “sigh with sadness” when we can’t at least partially predict the future. This is the frustration Mary was experiencing when she couldn’t decide for or against chemotherapy. And it’s similar now as she approaches treatment. Will the side- effects be debilitating? Will I be able to participate in regular life? Will I lose my hair? Will the chemo kill the cancer? Will it add years to my life?

It seems incongruous to label cancer or chemotherapy “a life-surprise” since a surprise is usually good. But that’s how God wants us to see them.

???????????????????????????????If we’ve entrusted our lives to his care the way Emerald entrusts herself to Birgitta, we don’t need to know the specifics of what’s ahead.

As Chambers wrote, “When we are rightly related to God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy.”

Joyful uncertainty. Sounds like an oxymoron, but the Lord wants us to joyfully believe the certain things about him, and just let the rest go.

“The plans I have for you,” says the Lord “are plans for good and not for disaster.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Praise for a weight gain of 5 pounds!
  2. Pray for the decision about chemo location, which will probably be made on Wednesday
  3. Praise for good sleep at night

Just say it.

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Sleepytime IsaacToday Linnea, baby Isaac, and I drove the 90 minutes from SW Michigan to Chicago’s Midway Airport. Sadly, it was time to see them off after a visit that went by way too fast and was far too short. But 3 excited children were waiting in Florida after 5 days that seemed far too long without their mommy and little brother, not to mention one eagerly waiting husband.

Helping Linnea into the airport with her baby, luggage, carry-on, and stroller, I was glad we could enjoy a few extra minutes together in line for a boarding pass. Suddenly a woman walked up to me from the side, touched my arm and said, “That color blue looks really good on you!”

The color blue.I looked at her, a traveler pulling her carry-on bag, wanting to do nothing more than uplift me. She smiled when I thanked her, and as she and her bag rolled away, she nodded as if to say, “Really… I mean it.”

Looking at Linnea with raised eyebrows I said, “Wow. That was really nice!”

I’m ashamed to say I probably wouldn’t have done the same for a stranger in similar circumstances, not wanting “to intrude” or make a person “feel uncomfortable.” But the woman’s compliment felt good, certainly not intrusive or uncomfortable.

I’ve often chided myself for thinking positive thoughts about someone but failing to get them out of my mouth. Pastor George Sweeting used to say, “Never suppress a generous impulse,” but passing up an opportunity to speak approving words is exactly that.

When Nate was struggling with his cancer, it slowly dawned on us he wasn’t going to live through it. As soon as we figured that out, we could effortlessly voice words of admiration and love, messages that probably wouldn’t have come out so readily or powerfully, had we both been healthy.

Modeling.Now I see the same thing happening with Mary and those of us who are “satellite-ing” around her in her cancer fight. This can be counted as something positive emerging from all the negatives.

It’s also a strong nudge to get us delivering words of praise to others, whether healthy or sick, whenever we think them. Our words carry great power and can accomplish some really good things, not just in others but in us, too. Maybe that’s one of the reasons God instructs us to adore and praise him with words.

It’s been 12 hours since the airport lady spoke to me, but I’m still thinking about it. And if given a choice, the next time I go shopping for clothes, I’ll be scanning the racks for blue.

“Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Praising and Praying with Mary:

  1. Pray for tomorrow’s meeting with the 3rd hospital about chemo, and for sensitivity to the Spirit’s leading in the decision
  2. Praise for praying people who are still at it!
  3. Praise for 2 months worth of cards, notes, and packages arriving daily (“The milk of human kindness is flowing!”)

What’s to do?

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When a family member learns she/he has cancer, those who love her are willing to do almost anything to help. But short of encouraging words and prayer, there’s not much to actually do.

That’s why something like a 5K run/walk to benefit cancer research feels good. It’s something we can do.

A bunch of Mary’s family and friends showed up at Chicago’s lakefront on Saturday, despite icy winds and temperatures in the low 40’s for this year’s pancreatic cancer walk/run.

The walk-runThousands of other participants beat us there, a mob of cheerful people among whom were 249 teams running/walking for someone they loved who’d been touched by pancreatic cancer. Many team names had their loved one in them: Robyn’s Cancer Kickin’ Crew, or Rich’s Rebels Against Pancan, or Mark’s Miracle Walkers.

Other team names were mysterious and intriguing: Land of the Kings, Peanut Heads, Polar Express.  Some were more obvious: HugSomeoneYouLoveToday, and WeLoveYouDaddy. Most participants were wearing purple, including tights or tutus, purple hats, boas, necklaces, or sparkly purple face masks. We saw purple-flowered leis, purple back packs, and purple painted faces.

In the opening ceremony, the MC reminded the whole mob why we were there: to raise dollars toward a cure for pancreatic cancer. But it was much more than that. Such an event fosters courage and offers encouragement to those among the purple throngs who were in the midst of their cancer battle, even some who had tangled with it and survived to “walk/run another day.”

End pancreaticOur Mary was there, too, cheering on “her people” and hostessing lunch when it was over. Some of our team performed valiantly. Son Luke came in 3rd out of thousands, and that while pushing his own son in a jogging stroller. At the other end of the spectrum were those of us sheltering babies from the cold wind, some of us using a car as a warming room.

All 25 of us benefited by being able to do something to fight the enemy of cancer, and it was especially meaningful to do it in honor of Mary, who very likely will benefit from what science is discovering.

Marchers for MaryAny health crisis is an opportunity for loved ones to circle the wagons and draw close to each other, and this weekend’s 5K was a chance to do that.

God has allowed pancreatic cancer to enter our ranks for reasons unknown to us, but what we do know is that he doesn’t allow calamity without attaching blessing to it. Saturday’s 5K was an opportunity to show family-and-friend-faithfulness by doing something for Mary…. which was a blessing indeed.

“The fruit of the Spirit is…. faithfulness.” (Ephesians 5:22)

Mary’s Prayer Requests and Praises

  1. Praise for a meaningful weekend with family
  2. Praise for so many people willing to run/walk at the 5K
  3. Continue to pray for this week’s choice of chemo hospital
  4. Pray for pre-chemo strength and continued weight gain.