New Hair

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???????????????????????????????Back in the 1960’s, I bought myself some fake hair. Junior year in college was an especially busy time, and the long “falls” that were popular then (think ponytails) moved hairdos away from high-maintenance curlers to insta-ready coiffures.

The “tails” could be worn long or curled around the top of the head for up-do’s. Many a morning I washed just my bangs, added the fake hair and went from wake-up alarm to classroom in 10 minutes flat.

???????????????????????????????As a newlywed I expanded my hair inventory with a pixie-style wig, a tight, cap-like affair that shortened my prep time even further.

Wigs can be a time-saving tool or, as in Mary’s case, a weapon against letting cancer dominate. Veterans of cancer are familiar with the radical ups and downs of treatment, its physical symptoms and its emotions. Mary has sampled some of that this week, feeling hopeless on Monday but hopeful on Tuesday.

Monday afternoon, in the middle of that deep low, she and Bervin walked into a wig shop near Mayo Clinic.  It’s a place that doesn’t  just sell wigs. The staff there provides gentle expertise and conversational comfort to each customer, well aware that none of them want to be there.

Though Mary had planned ahead of time to shop that afternoon, Monday wasn’t the right day for it. As she put it, “I couldn’t even look at the wigs without crying. The whole thing overwhelmed me, and we had to leave.”

Getting startedTuesday, however, was a different story. After the medical encouragement they’d received at the clinic, Mary wrote about “Wig Shopping, Part II.” “I praise the Lord I was able to put on a skullcap today and try on wigs. As I sat in the styling chair and listened to the Christian music playing, I was reminded of God’s presence being everywhere, even in a wig shop!”

We Christians don’t doubt God’s statement that he will always be with us. He said he’d never leave us, and we believe him. But after a down-day like Mary’s Monday, he knows we need a fresh reminder. And he brought it to Mary in the form of worship music just as she was muscling through a new and unwelcome experience. Our Creator has all kinds of ways to let us know he’s close at hand, and his timing is always spectacular.

Bervin's choiceMary and Bervin walked out of the wig shop with “new hair” for Mary, should she need it during her chemo. She said, “I let Bervin pick it out, and it’s pretty fluffy. I’ll definitely have ‘big hair’!”

The Lord said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” (Exodus 33:14)

 

 

Mary’s Prayer Requests

  1. For wisdom to know which Chicago hospital to use for chemo
  2. For improvement in food absorption that will lead to weight gain
  3. Praise for a good blood test result today, indicating no metastasis
  4. Praise for safe travel back and forth to Minnesota

Making Plans

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Checking the listMary has always been well organized. She’s on top of her calendar, and despite having her “fingers in a lot of pies” (as they say), she’s never made a sticky mess of any of them. Her lists are drawn up well in advance, and she enjoys checking them off. She creates practical plans and isn’t forgetful, never the type to say, “I forgot what I came in this room to get.”

That’s why her cancer journey has been so frustrating. She can’t plan. She had no warning that yesterday would be the draining day it was, which made its impact all the greater. But she also didn’t know how much brighter today would be.

The nationally famous, very busy Dr. Truty was part of this day at Mayo’s, meeting with Mary and Bervin for a post-op analysis and progress report. All the news was good, and he declared her Whipple surgery a complete success. She is healing well, and the feeding tube, no longer an irritant, is doing its job.

IMG_3581But Dr. Truty didn’t stop there. To quote Mary’s text: “He really helped us put things in perspective. He agreed that pancreatic cancer is aggressive, but said from everything he’s seen so far, we shouldn’t look at it as hopeless.”

And it was as if a window opened and spring breezes blew winter’s darkness right out. As for Mary’s decision about whether or not to choose chemotherapy, the doctor helped with that, too. She wrote, “He thinks with chemo I can look forward to good days and probably years. He’s a positive guy for sure!”

So she has decided chemo is in her near future and has committed to the doctor’s aggressive treatment program. She also said that since she won’t have to start for another week or so, she’ll get to celebrate Easter while still feeling pretty good. She said, “The Lord knew I needed that. It’s a gift, and an answer to prayer.”

After Easter, Mary and Bervin will put her list-making to valuable use as they meet with oncologists at three Chicago hospitals. They’ll get to choose where she’ll receive her treatments over the next 6 months, and Dr. Truty made some practical recommendations, persuading them it was ok to transfer their medical trust to a facility other than Mayo Clinic.

When Mary and Bervin set out for Rochester this last weekend, Mary had one of her lists with her, this one with four “to-do’s” on it: (1) meet with the oncologists, (2) meet with Dr. Truty, (3) decide yes or no on chemo, and (4) depending on her decision, maybe buy a wig. As they drove back to Chicago today, she had the satisfaction of checking off all four.

And tomorrow we’ll hear the up-and-down story of what it was like to shop for new hair.

“The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance.” (Proverbs 21:5)

Mary’s Prayer Requests

  1. Pray for God’s choice of a Chicago hospital/doctor to administer chemo
  2. Pray that both Bervin and Mary will keep their eyes off pancreatic cancer and on Jesus
  3. Praise for being able to get a wig today

What time is it?

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Cancer is responsible for having ruined many days for Mary in the last few weeks, and it chalked up another one today. Back at Mayo Clinic in Minnesota for meetings with several doctors, Mary and Bervin listened to honest reports about her prognosis and heard again that a “best case scenario” is to buy some time with chemotherapy. Today that sounded like a high price, and worst of all, even after paying it, gains weren’t guaranteed.

Tonight Mary texted me the following:

“Today was a rough day, but with the Lord’s help, we’re through it. Luke showed up and was wonderful, asking good questions and pushing for answers, options, etc. The chemo docs were experts and were very kind, as everyone up here is. What I heard is that chemo, at best, will only postpone the inevitable, and though we’ve known that since we got the diagnosis, it’s difficult to hear it verbalized.”

MaryCancer makes everything difficult. When it touches an individual, a family, and a circle of friends, the touch is one of pain, both physical and emotional. So today Mary has been doing the excruciating work of weighing her options. She wrote:

“Though the chemo docs said I shouldn’t give up, I kept thinking about Elizabeth Elliott’s quote: ‘In acceptance there is peace.’ I want to be totally on board with and at peace with God’s plan and timing. I think I am, and then find myself getting caught up with all the earthly excitement of babies and weddings, and I find myself longing for more earth-time, not longing for heaven like I should be. I’m ashamed to admit it!”

There is no shame in an admission of honest feelings, and God is pleased that Mary has always embraced life with joy and gladness. In Ecclesiastes he teaches there’s a right time for everything, and that long list includes a time to cry, a time to lament, a time to hold on, and a time to let go. It also says there’s a time to make war and a time to make peace. Today Mary has been asking herself, what time is it for me?

As she works to shape her answer to that question, she knows where to go for advice. She wrote, “God will help me to get a right perspective. It’s been a challenging day, but tomorrow will be better!”

Cancer makes every day challenging, but even while feeling vulnerable and without too many options, Mary has the one option that trumps all others: a God she can trust with the rest of her life.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you.” (Isaiah 43:2)

Mary’s Prayer Requests

  1. Praise that chemo can be done at the Chicago hospital near their home
  2. Praise for Luke’s steady, knowledgeable presence on this difficult day
  3. Pray for unfettered trust in whatever God tells her to do
  4. Pray for the peace of God that passes all understanding