Nelson and Ann Sophie didn’t get the chance to be married for very long, but in this post Nelson details the many ways his wife means everything to him.

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August 26, 2022

Good morning, My Love!

These were 5 of the best years of my life, without question. I love you with all my heart, and that love for you grows every day. The things you do and the person you are…I had no idea when we got together, when I came to Germany to pursue you more than 5 years ago now.

It was the best decision I ever made, and it gets confirmed more and more every day. 🙂 I love the woman you are, how beautiful you are. How our dreams come true. How you pray for us and how you love the Lord.

I love your creativity, even though you think you have none. I love your care and love for your parents and the tight bond of your little family, the one with your parents. And I love the tight bond we have, our little family, the one with Will in it. ;)) Now we are 3!

I love the way you take care of me no matter how long this cancer thing takes, your great attitude no matter what happens. I will never forget your devotion to me at the hospital and how you protected me from everything, even my own family from wearing me out too much.

I love how you take care of our little Baby Boy Son! I love how you spend time with little Will and the bond you two have together. I love your walk and still love your talk with your cute little accent, even though you speak perfect English.

I love how you encourage me and support me no matter what, how you always look on the bright side no matter what happens. I love how you see the best in me and always draw that out, how you keep no record of wrongs, never bring up the past or hold my mistakes over my head.

You have such a way about you that I miss you every time you’re gone. I can’t imagine life without you anymore. No matter what happens, I want to be together always. What doesn’t kill us (or me in this case) will only make us stronger, and we have proven that so far in this ordeal. The next 5 years will be even better than these past 5. I am convinced of that.

Our relationship is the most unique relationship I have ever been in, without question. What started off superficially has grown deeper and stronger than I could have asked or imagined.

Thank you for being with me, for making our life the best it can be together, for loving me the way I am, and for being you! I love you the most!  HAPPY 5th ANNIVERSARY, MY LOVE!

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I just wrote that to Annso for our 5th year anniversary and messaged it to her so she would see it right when she turned on her phone. It really has been the best 5 years of my life, in a certain way. There have been good seasons here and there, and it’s hard to objectively compare different seasons in life, but the quality of our time together and how our relationship has developed over the years has been amazing.

Lord, I can’t thank you enough for Annso. The fact that she’s in my life and how good a fit we are together is proof that you really do direct and guide us, even when we don’t know it is really true.

We are praying, but even when I pray, I know I am driven selfishly and know that I have skewed motives, but even without the info about the direction I am going and only a partial picture, you guide and direct, Lord.

You show us the way, and our relationship is proof. She and I are perfect for each other, which comes out more and more every day. We are almost 20 years apart, but it doesn’t matter at all. Other things matter so much more—like the speed we live at, our compatibility, the way we make decisions, take risks, and maybe it’s just her and how great a person she is, but today, she is my main point of gratitude.

I am thankful for the wife you have given me, Lord. Even more than our little baby boy. She is my pride and joy, the love of my life, and I can’t imagine life without her.

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 “An excellent wife is far more precious than jewels.” (Proverbs 31:10)

Today Nelson isn’t thinking about cancer as much as how he’s complying with God’s instructions—especially in regard to the words he uses.

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August 24, 2022

“Lord, who may dwell in your sacred tent? Who may live on your holy mountain? The one whose walk is blameless, who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from their heart; whose tongue utters no slander, who does no wrong to a neighbor, and casts no slur on others; who despises a vile person but honors those who fear the Lord; who keeps an oath even when it hurts, and does not change their mind; who lends money to the poor without interest; who does not accept a bribe against the innocent. Whoever does these things will never be shaken.” (Psalm 15)

Qualities of a righteous person.

Interestingly, lots of them have to do with the tongue and what we say and what we can do with our words: It speaks truth, doesn’t slander, casts no damaging insinuations about a person, and keeps oaths, which also happens with words. Keeps promises even when it hurts.

These are the things a righteous person does. These are the things a man of God who dwells in God’s tent does. I was reading the Love passage in Corinthians and was convicted by the bit that says, “Love…does not dishonor others.” That’s also something that happens with the mouth.

How easy it is for our mouths to lead us into sin. How much sin is avoided if we just keep quiet?

It’s 6:00 am, and I’m out at the table journaling. Annso is with kleine Will [German for “little one”], doing the magic only she can do with him in the wee hours of the morning. He’s a little singer, always.

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” (Proverbs 18:21)

Nelson proves to be realistic about his future, knowing he could live through his cancer but also die from it. And there’s only one place he chooses to go with this uncertainty.

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August 23, 2022

Health-wise I’m doing better, but there is still lots of neck pain for some reason. It’s hard to tell where these sicknesses come from, but they seem lined up one after another.

Fighting Cancer is also fighting many other smaller problems. It lasts for a long time and goes on and on. You have to pray for stamina, because starting out good is not good enough. You need to keep going until it’s over. You’re either cured and cancer-free or one day it kills you.

Something called Sepsis almost killed me a couple months ago. Got this infection in my lung and after draining the fluid build-up, this gnarly infection appeared and sent me to the ICU.

It took about 15 people working all at once to pull me back from the gates of death. I was right there and didn’t even know it until after. I wonder what that would be like, to be unconscious and to die without realizing it and then wake up in the afterlife and suddenly realize, “Oh, I must have died.”

This is what it’s like now. I wonder what all those people in the hospital are doing and saying to each other. What about my family? What are they doing and saying?

Thank you Lord, for saving me that day and for giving me the wisdom to come here to Minnesota instead of staying in Hawaii. Thank you for helping us to leave there and sell off all our stuff, without having to make a trip back.

There are so many chances to see you working in this season, because it’s so hard and we need so much help. When someone is “fat, happy, and comfortable,” it’s harder to believe in you, Lord. But during these seasons, we see you financially, health-wise, and in other ways, too.

In that way, I’m thankful for this season, but I wouldn’t wish it on my enemy or choose to go through it. I guess for whatever reason, you decided it was time for us to have this trouble come on us like a storm. And here we are dealing with it, weathering it out until it either kills me or we’re still standing after you decide it’s over. Your ways are higher than mine, like it says:

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9)

There’s a verse that says something like, “Say the word, and I’ll be healed.” but I can’t find it. Either way, the word of the Lord is the verdict. He says it, and it happens. If he doesn’t authorize it, then it won’t. That’s all the more reason to pray to you Lord and ask for deliverance, instead of going any other route. You, Lord, are the one who issues the order:

“As the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth. It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. (Isaiah 55:10-11)

There’s a description of your word, Lord. You say it, and it happens.

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“The word of the Lord is living…. and active.” (Hebrews 4:12)