Accident Prevention

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After making 6 errand-stops this afternoon, I was finally heading home on an expressway when the familiar red and blue flashing lights of police cars ahead made me think, “Oh oh.” Driving closer, I counted 7 squad cars plus several emergency vehicles and tow trucks clustered around an accident scene in the median. The centerpiece of the commotion was a giant upsidedown semi-truck.

The three lanes on my side of the highway didn’t slow while passing the chaotic scene, but on the other side, with lanes partially blocked by the accident, cars and trucks were stopped for miles. And because of a wide curve on the highway, most of those stuck in traffic couldn’t see the reason for the delay.

They couldn’t see the flashing lights or the overturned truck or the cadre of highway workers trying to bring order. Drivers who were stuck in the jam-up but short on time were no doubt frustrated at the forced rescheduling of their plans and were probably hoping that at the end of the whole mess there would be someone to blame.

As I continued driving past the long lines of congested traffic on the opposite side of the road, it impacted me that I’d seen the accident they hadn’t yet come to, so I knew something they didn’t. The cause of their holdup wasn’t lane closures or construction or line-painting but a life-and-death disaster, immediately ahead. I also knew that no matter how irritated these drivers became while waiting to move forward, once they’d inched ahead enough to get a look at that heap of twisted metal, their anger would melt away.

Coming in its place would be a series of rapid-fire questions: What happened here? Where’s the truck driver? Is he alive? Was anyone else hurt? Or killed? What if I’d been driving a few seconds earlier? Would I have been in that accident?

These would be important questions to ponder as they’d get their first glimpse of the accident, gaping at the wreck. By the time they would have passed, their “What’s the delay?!” would have switched to “Oh my goodness!” maybe even landing them in a place of gratitude for their own safety, hopefully gratitude toward God.

None of us should be without a steady heartbeat of thankfulness toward the Lord. His rescues are consistently happening, even if we’re unaware of exactly what he’s saved us from or how he’s done it. To be sure, though, he is preventing mishaps and tragedies by the dozens, over and over again, every single day as we move through our regular routines.

And today I was reminded that once in a while he even lets us in on the specifics, as he did with the highway accident. The fact that none of us were in it should automatically make us truly thankful.

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly… with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” (Colossians 3:16)

Why struggle?

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This morning I listened to a radio report on the different ways American and Asian children are taught. The study followed classroom instruction and parental messages to elementary age kids and found a glaring difference: American teachers/parents strive to keep learning positive, eliminating struggle wherever possible. Asian teachers/parents not only let children struggle, they promote it, designing lessons to make it happen.

An American mother might say, “Jamie, you got a good grade because you’re a smart boy.” An Asian mom might say, “Kim, you won the prize because you kept trying.”

The study included classroom and home observations during which researchers recorded what teachers/parents said to their children, along with their responses. One examiner in an Asian classroom of 8 year olds said he was surprised when the teacher chose a failing student to do his work at the chalkboard up front.

The student grappled with his problem for over an hour, during which time the teacher occasionally asked the class, “Does he have it right yet, class?”

The answer was always no, and the researcher couldn’t believe the young student continued without breaking into tears. When he finally did get it right, the teacher said, “Look, class, he got it. Didn’t he do a great job working for the answer?” Rather than praising the boy’s ability, she praised his perseverance.

Most Asian teachers and parents structure their educating to include tasks they know are beyond the reach of students, just to exercise their mental stick-to-it-tiveness. For example, the study asked children to see if they could find the answer to a math problem intentionally designed to have no solution. On average, American school kids gave up in one minute or less, deeming it impossible. Asian children worked up to an hour before giving up.

But what does God have to say about all this? Is one method right and one wrong?

Scripture definitely touts the value of struggle. We see it in Bible characters and also today, in both visible battles (physical) and invisible ones (mental). Perseverance is a character quality God esteems, and satisfaction comes after we’ve sorted through complicated problems. But what about the dilemmas beyond our reach, those with no solutions? Does God want us to struggle indefinitely with those?

No. At that point he hopes we’ll turn from our own efforts, admit we’re at the end, and request his help. Then we get to watch him do the impossible. As we concede weakness, he imparts strength.

But what about the study on learning? Does one group win and the other lose? Not necessarily. Though Asian children are being taught the value of struggle, educators share a growing concern for their lack of imagination, citing American youngsters as examples of creative strength.

Thankfully the Lord provides unlimited opportunities for all of us to struggle in all categories. The trick is in appreciating it.

The Lord said, “My power is made perfect in [your] weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Hey Mom: from Nelson

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Although our family is more than a week past the anniversary of Nate’s death, our children continue to share how they’re coping now, 3 years later. The 7 of them range in age from 22 to 39 and thus are all adults, but they’ll always be their Papa’s children.

We widows (and widowers) sometimes become so focused on managing our own seismic changes that we might forget to ask family members how they’re doing, too. Perhaps thoughts from my grown children can encourage other families who are also working to stay close as a group, despite having lost one parent.

Nate’s and my firstborn, Nelson, is currently far from home in Armenia, where he works full time with a global mission organization, Youth With A Mission. Distance on the globe, however, doesn’t translate to distance of heart:

Hey Mom,

I thought about Papa and you, of course, when we crossed over the Nov. 3 anniversary of his death. I have talked before about how that was the time I re-entered missions with YWAM [Youth With A Mission] with my team. It was a totally unique time.

Seeing the pic of him on your blog this morning really made me miss him. Interestingly, I was struck with regret about how I was as a teenager and beyond, and how I wish our relationship had been “more.” Whatever that means, I don’t know. Maybe it just means that I miss him, and it’s easier to beat yourself up for the past than it is to move on in a healthy way.

Here in Armenia, I hear Russian spoken all the time, and it reminds me of Papa. I still can’t believe he could speak it.

You have demonstrated the right way to move on to all of us and so many others. There is an American guy here who works at the US embassy, who did a DTS a while back. [Discipleship Training School with YWAM]  He lost his mother a month ago, and they were really close. He wanted to hear from me about losing a parent, so he took me to a fancy French restaurant the other night, and we “debriefed” a little about it.

God is faithful to use all our experiences for his glory.

Love,
Nel

Our God is a global God, yet he’s also focused on the details of our lives and is “faithful to use all our experiences for his glory.” That includes widowhood and losing a father, as well as youthful mistakes with their consequences, and every other “wish-I-hadn’t” from our pasts. Our heavenly Father is in the business of redeeming our mess-ups by restructuring them as set-ups for positive purposes in the lives of others. Although the devil hopes to immobilize us with ropes of regret, God is always way ahead of him, taking our spiritual lemons and making divine lemonade.

Thank you, Nelson, for your love across the miles and your insightful reminder today.

“Godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted.” (2 Corinthians 7:10)