Going to Extremes

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When I was in high school, Chicago’s O’Hare airport had the distinction of being “the busiest airport in the world.” My good friend Lynn and I, for lack of anything better to do, sometimes enjoyed a Friday evening at the airport watching (and analyzing) the steady parade of travelers.

Since there were no security checks in the 1960’s, we’d watch the boards for plane arrivals and then head for the gate as passengers disembarked. One of us would slip into the crowd coming off the plane, then squeal and scream when we saw each other, in a bogus reunion. Watching strangers respond was entertaining, and it didn’t cost a penny.

Fifty years have passed since then, and now no one gets to a gate without a boarding pass. We live in a day of terrorism, and to cooperate with airport safety, we have to undress to pass through security. “Remove your shoes, belts, hats, jackets, watches and jewelry, even pocket change.” Men have to clutch their pants as they walk through metal detectors, nervous they’ll be asked to hold their arms out for a wanding.

But there’s fresh hope for improvement in this overkill process. While waiting in a security line before my last plane trip, I saw something new, a giant poster that said, “Attention Passengers 75 and Older. If you were born on or before today’s date in 1937, you can leave your light jacket and shoes on during screening in this checkpoint.”

Finally! A reasonable idea.

Our country is famous for going to extremes, and we love criticizing and teasing about it. But truth be told, most of us find ourselves lured to excessiveness once in a while, too. If some is good, more must be better. If cutting back is wise, then having none is wiser.

In one sense, even Scripture promotes extremes:

  • It says we should willingly lose our lives to God in order to gain them back.
  • When God purged the Israelite camp of sin, he destroyed men, women, children, and even their animals.
  • Jesus said, “If you want to follow me, forsake everything else first.”

But other Scriptures encourage us to walk a middle line: “Moderation is better than muscle, self-control better than political power.” (Proverbs 16:32)

So what are we to do? What standard should guide us?

The answer is in “the who.” If it’s something that’s between God and us, we have to comply with the extremes he requires; we’re either all-in, or all-out.

But if it’s something strictly human, he encourages moderation: not too much rest but just enough; not too much work but just enough; not too much food but just enough.

I guess that should go for airport security measures, too. Caution is good, but undressing is extreme. And screaming in bogus airport reunions? Downright foolishness.

“Do not be overrighteous, neither be overwise… Do not be overwicked, and do not be a fool… It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other. Whoever fears God will avoid all extremes.” (Ecclesiastes 7:16-18)

 

 

Waterside Wedding

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On Wednesday of this week a gentle knock on my front door sent Jack into a fit of barking, but the young girls out on the porch weren’t bothered.

“Hi, I’m Lauren, your neighbor,” the redheaded 20-something said. “I live several blocks that way [pointing] and am going house-to-house to let people know my fiancé and I will be getting married this Saturday. The ceremony will be on the beach, but the reception will be at our house, on the lawn.”

She went on to say she hoped residents would give grace on Saturday when the music got loud and went late. I told her I was all for marriage and would enjoy the festivities from afar.

I said, “Do you think the many beach walkers will turn into beach gawkers during your ceremony?”

“Oh, that’s fine!” she said. “It’ll all be part of the fun.” (I took that to be my personal invitation.)

As the girls left, Lauren handed me a green card, which I read later. “We first exchanged ‘I love you’ on the beach; now we will exchange marriage vows here on August 11.” Also on the card was an apology for any inconvenience the wedding or reception might cause and a promise that “the music will end by 11:30 pm EST.” Signatures of both the bride and groom were included, and I was impressed with this extra effort to troubleshoot.

Yesterday was their special day, and it dawned unseasonably cold with black clouds and spitting rain. Wedding weather is critical when festivities are outdoors, and the bride was the first thing on my mind. But their day developed nicely, generating blue skies and warm breezes for the beachside exchange of vows. Bathing suit clad walker-gawkers hung out at respectful distances waiting for a glimpse of the bride. At 6:00 pm she appeared in a flow-y gown and made her way down a grassy dune toward her groom, who stood under a canopy on the sand.

Marriage was God’s idea and is his recommendation for most of mankind. That’s probably because if brides and grooms want to live together successfully, they have to make use of biblical principles. If they go against them, the marriage falters and may eventually fail.

Because today’s marriage statistics give young people only a 50-50 chance, many conclude it isn’t worth it. “It’s just a piece of paper,” they reason. “What’s the big deal?”

But of course the big deal is commitment. God commits to us, and he wants us to commit to each other. Marriage turns out to be an ideal proving ground for true love, which is agape love, undeserved love. It isn’t easy, but it sure is rewarding. I hope yesterday’s beach couple has already got that figured out.

One thing is sure: their wedding photos will be extraordinary with white caps in the background and seagulls in the foreground. And if my face appears anywhere, may they Photoshop it out.

“Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:8)

But mine are best.

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Many parents say they were blessed with the best kids in the world, my own mom included. But tonight it’s my kids’ turn.

Today was my birthday, but as Dad used to say on his own birthday, “What’s all the fuss about? Everyone has one of these every year.” Even so, I was feted to a dinner party, was given gifts, had a sleepover in downtown Chicago, ate lunch at a sidewalk café, and enjoyed the Broadway musical “Million Dollar Quartet,” watching it from a 2nd row seat. It was quite a birthday!

On top of all that, like cherries on the proverbial sundae, I heard from all 7 of my children, a gift of immeasurable value.

Back in 1973 when I was a new mother, if someone had asked, “What would ‘the best kids in the world’ look like?” my answer would have been something like this: those who obey every rule, get straights A’s in school, and sit quietly in church.

But when Nate’s and my parenting didn’t produce 7 children exactly like that, it didn’t bother us. That’s because we ended up with 7 deeply meaningful relationships with our now-adult children.

Every parent wants to see his/her children turn out to be “the best in the world.” So how do we get them there? What bottom-line do we want for them? Those of us who are Christians hope each of them will one day land in heaven, because that’s where we plan to be, and we want to be there together. Second to that, though, what’s our strongest desire for them?

“The best” kids will have probably developed good character. For example, all of us are thrilled when we see our children sticking with commitments they’ve made or working hard without complaint. We’re all pleased when they make decisions with wisdom or exercise self-control. And it’s gratifying to watch them put the needs of others ahead of their own.

As I thought about these important character qualities in relation to my children, I smiled to realize each of them have evidenced some of all of those… today. And then I thought of holding myself to the same high standard and recognized that it’s a lifelong project, for me and also for them. None of us will ever have flawless character, but we can all work steadily toward it.

God watches our efforts from the vantage point of character perfection. And I like to think that just as I got excited today when my children demonstrated some of those good qualities in caring for their mom, the Lord must be enthused when he sees a glimmer of that same character development in me.

But I’ll work on all that tomorrow. Today was a day to marvel at my children, but of course that stands to reason, because they’re the “best kids in the world!”

“Work hard so you can present yourself to God and receive his approval. Be a good worker, one who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly explains the word of truth.” (2 Timothy 2:15)