Nelson’s journal 4/19/22

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Through the laptop keyboard Nelson wonders what it’s like to be “good salt and a bright light” in the kingdom of God. He also wonders if it’s possible to schedule a one month old child. On top of all that, he’s thinking about moving a short distance away from the crowd of Kokua Crew workers. That way his family would be slightly less around-the-clock available.

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April 19, 2022    

I just got Will back to sleep. 5:45am. We’re trying to get him on these morning and afternoon schedules. But he’s barely 1 month old, so we are told to let it slide (as if we have a choice), but you can push pretty hard for what you want.

I’ve come so close to moving to Kama Aina Hale [a neighboring subdivision that would put a short distance between Nelson’s family and the big Kokua Crew], but never really got around to it. Maybe when we get back from our Summer trip we can move over there and be less bound [24/7] to Kokua Crew. It would be nice to be involved in a different way than the way we are now.

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. (Matthew 5:13-16)

Am I a light of the world? Is that how someone would describe me? Is the light of Jesus shining off me? Is he shining through most Christians (or people who claim to be)?

I’m reading the book, Hawaii by James Michner, and most of the missionaries’ kids became greedy and got involved in business and getting as much land as possible, not to mention that it belonged to the Hawaiian people. It eroded their own character, going after the money like they did.

They were no different than their pagan counterparts. And if they are not different, then are they even Christians in anything more than word? Are we anything more than that? I think we are. At least my wife is. We pray. We seek you, Lord, but are we after the money too? Do we act honestly all the time? Do we let money get out in front of doing the right thing?

Jesus says, we are the salt of the earth but that it’s possible to “loose your saltiness” and become worthless. “You are the light of the world.” Would he call me the light of the world? What am I doing that would set me apart from the darkness of the world and say I am the light or I am the salt?

It’s not by works lest any man should boast, but there should be signs of being a Christian for sure. How does a person lose their saltiness? They probably fall asleep spiritually and just cool off. That’s the biggest danger over a big fall I think, getting comfortable and lazy, not knowing anything is even wrong and being worthless in the kingdom of God.

How does a person avoid that? Fasting maybe? This comes right after the Beatitudes. Jesus describes a Christian in that progression we are familiar with, then reminds us not to “loose our saltiness.” I pray for a tender heart and to be more kind, etc. I’m not sure having a child does that. I love him but don’t have a problem letting him cry it out. It’s what works, and I’m for good results.

The last thing I want is a soft, high maintenance kid who expects everything brought to him on a sliver platter. Does that sound like compassion? Does it sound like love? I hope so. Here I am, missing the Tuesday night meeting to watch him, which has been a challenge. Annso is at the meeting. It’s one of my dreams about having children, not having to go to meetings if at all possible.

I always envied Ad Curington [brother-in-law], who would be watching a few kids while the rest of us got dressed up and went out to a formality. I thought, “What a smart man. How did he line it up like that for himself?” Now I have that too. 😉 Now I’m a “smart man.”

Finally caught up on my to-do list. It’s nice to sit here in the quiet. Had another batch of blood work done today to check in about my thyroid and see where I’m at. I’ve had more blood taken in the last couple months than in the whole of my life combined before that. It’s been a season of sickness mixed with fatherhood. So far, the whole time I have been a father, I’ve been pretty sick feeling. It was almost seamless, the transition.

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“Do not be discouraged. The Lord your God will be with you.” (Joshua 1:9)

Nelson’s journal 4/18/22  

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Nelson is feeling better about what has been diagnosed as a thyroid problem, assuming that it’s gradually healing. Little Will is doing better with his eating and sleeping, too, and Nelson’s pastoring ministry has ended honorably. Things are looking up.

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April 18, 2022    

Finished things up at Little Red Church for good yesterday for the Easter Service. We had about 90 people including the Kokua Crew, so it was a pretty good sized group. Bob Duffer brought the word, and the Micronesians stood up front. I prayed for them to usher in their season at the place [The Little Red Church]. Hard to believe they’ve had the property the whole time and didn’t do this sooner.

My Thyroid issue seems to be calming down and my levels are lower, at least they feel lower. I have hardly any energy and no more rapid heart rate. I wonder what my fate is with this whole thing. Will it go back to normal?

I always liked my metabolism and normal mode of operation. It’s hard not to take a couple naps per day on days like this. I just feel so lethargic.

The baby Will is growing and doing really good being just over a month old now. We’ve gotten better at feeding and sleeping him, so that’s encouraging. Still gets up a couple times in the night, but we don’t mind.

It’s hard being in ministry. Just today, I asked a guy to leave the Hale Ola property who sort of just came out of nowhere as a self-proclaimed fix-it man, asking for all these favors and making the Kokua Crew nervous.

People get mixed up about what YWAM is and think that because they were once here, they can just show up and pick up where they left off. I felt sorry for him, being an old guy and all, no doubt a Christian, but a dinosaur who doesn’t fit into the world of today.

Not that I really do either.

But a guy like that who flies in and wanders around begging for favors is about as close to homeless as you can get, without actually being that. I’m sure it’s not the first time he got asked to leave a place for similar behavior. He also invited himself to stand up in front of our group at devotions and share, and I let him do it. Poor guy.

I’m grateful for how things went to close the church down and pass it along to the next people. I’m glad it was a church moving in instead of just us closing it. Thank you for the 6 years I was there. I pray for direction going forward in another season or tenure at another church or whatever you have Lord. I pray we can see what it is you have and not miss it.

I’m thankful for our son and how healthy he is. I’m thankful for the light he is in our lives and how you didn’t have us deal with not having children, which it looked for a while like it was a possibility.

I pray for our Summer plans to travel in a camper and see more of the country as a family. I pray for the right RV, something we can resell or use later. Thank you that you haven’t given us riches so far to distract us from you and serving here. Thank you that we are still able to do it.

I pray for our Kokua Crew and their lives, that they would be protected from lies and comparison. I pray for Judy’s speech tomorrow and that her words would have an impact on the girls especially.

I pray for continuing upward progress in my health and with the Thyroid problem that came out of nowhere. I pray that you would heal me completely and that I wouldn’t need meds going forward or surgery or anything permanent. You can do it.

I pray for eventually a pill-free life without meds and just a healthy routine of good food and exercise. Thank you that this has kept me at home with time to spend on our little guy and being together as we get started [as a family]. You are so good to us, giving us insured health care here in Hawaii. What a blessing. Amen.

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“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.” (Colossians 3:15)

Nelson’s journal 4/13/22  

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As time passes, change always comes, and Nelson is analyzing where he and his little family stand with the changes now happening—with his pastorate, his health, and his baby’s discontent. He’s also making plans for their future, trying to hear God’s counsel accurately. Over it all hangs a dark cloud of poor health for him, though doctors have assured him it’s just a thyroid malfunction that will eventually disappear.

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April 13, 2022    

Derek sat at our table yesterday and told me to read the gospels with the perspective of authority. How much did Jesus submit to what the authorities said in his time? When the government says you can’t sing in church, do you obey that?

How would Jesus and Paul have responded to that command in their day? The ones who were jailed and killed for disobeying the rules of the day? What would they have done? So I started in Matthew today. I am to the point where Jesus was tempted in chapter 4.

I got up with Will to maybe feed him and put him back to bed, but I swaddled him without the food and he went right back. It’s funny how flailing arms keep him up and running. Thank you for that, Lord.

On another topic, I am not an inclusive person and I don’t tend to want a lot of staff around me, people to motivate, referee, and manage. People who have been in YWAM long enough to not take instruction anymore. Maybe I’m one of them.

 

I don’t go to meetings I probably should attend, but I do have a 1 month old baby who needs me, so I use that as a pass for now. Our last service at Little Red is this Sunday’s Easter service. Most of the Kokua Crew will go at 6am. The last hurrah.

I told Tim I wasn’t going to be an electrician anymore. He was super cool about it. I dreaded that conversation, but it was just a simple text.

My Thyroid issue is pretty steady and bad. Sometimes i think it’s improving. Then It’s like now, and I can hardly motivate myself to do a simple thing. Annso is at small group right now, and I’m watching Will. He’s a tough little guy, but he’s sleeping, which makes my life easier while she’s gone.

I hope the Thyroid clears up, because apparently it was a blast of the hormone that brought on an attack or something. I don’t need meds or an operation to straighten it out. I pray that, Lord. You can do anything. Sometimes I imagine being like I was before, no pain, no fatigue, being able to run and swim again, feeling good with energy. It would be amazing, and I wouldn’t take my health for granted again.

It’s easy to somehow take credit for things like money or health when you have them, but when they’re gone, you realize you’re a fragile little man walking the earth for a short time, and not many of the things we focus on matter, and lots of what we take for granted or don’t pay attention to, does matter.

What matters? The way we treat people, whether we love them, how much time we spend, not how much money we make or how seriously people take us. It’s hard not to get caught up in that stuff and miss the main stuff, but we can try.

My season as a pastor is over for now. God, you are merciful the way you went about it. The time at Little Red was so unique. It never turned into anything big or multiplied, but we did our best.

I’m so thankful for the Summer to leave the island and travel and camp out across the country like we are planning. I’m thankful for Annso, who wants to do it, and a little guy who we can take along. Our first family vacation. I couldn’t be more stoked for the time. We’re looking at 13 weeks.

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“If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” (James 4:15)