Nelson’s journal 4/8/22  

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Baby Will’s struggle with some kind of stomach upset is still dominating everything in Nelson and Ann Sophie’s lives. All three are upset by the constant crying and inability to help him. At the same time, there are big decisions needing to be made in their ministry, including personnel changes, and Nelson is under pressure to make them.

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April 8, 2022 

Been struggling a bit with the division between Kokua Crew and being a new father. There’s tons of ‘urgent’ stuff at Hale Ola, but this morning, instead of a staff meeting and working about getting everyone to campus, I spent the time in a chair holding Will, trying to calm him down, which eventually worked.

I think I’ll stay away from the feeding thing. It’s always the same. Right when I get out the bottle, he goes ballistic. It used to work, but now, just having him lay there, even crying, is better than fighting with him. He falls asleep eventually. It’s the more peaceful option.

Speaking of peaceful options, I want to protect the integrity of the Kokua Crew program more than I want to make people happy. I pray for the strength to do that, Lord. If you want me to change it, I will. If you want me to speak the hard truth to certain people, I will.

How can I address the current problems without causing offense, Lord? Courage and strength. I did it before, I can do it again, even though it’s painful and I hate delivering bad news. Thank you for the opportunity, and I know that with that comes responsibility.

I pray for [family members] who experienced loss yesterday. I pray that their family would be stronger for it in the end, rather than weaker. I pray for wisdom to know if I have a part in this at all. I pray for wisdom to know if we have a future in the Midwest, and if we should make any sort or move in advance.

I pray for wisdom to buy the right Toyota camper for the trip this summer to see the Ark with Mom and the whole gang. I pray for wisdom to know and courage to do.

Wisdom to know and courage to do.

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The Lord says, “I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you.” (Psalm 41:10)

Nelson’s journal 4/7/22  

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The ongoing struggle with newborn Will’s sleeping and eating is taking a toll on Nelson, and he finds himself getting impatient. He also acknowledges his “sickness” as being difficult enough to try to trim his busy YWAM schedule. But there are always things to be thankful for…

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April 7, 2022 

Had a tough morning with Will trying to get him to eat, to sleep, to poop. He doesn’t really do those things so well. Lots of struggle on all counts. We hope it’s the milk or something Annso is eating, but maybe it’s God’s way of getting me back for all the resistance I gave him over the years. Time will tell.

Having a son is like I thought in some ways, but not in others. Rob told me it made his heart grow 3 sizes bigger. So far, in my only 3 weeks as a father, it’s made the evil and blackness in my heart more evident to me, how frustrated I get, and how easily I go there.

But God didn’t save us because we are good. He saved us because we suck. It’s probably time for a gratitude inventory. Some of the old AA stuff never gets old.

I’m thankful for all the rain we prayed for. Finally. Thank you for that Lord. I’m thankful for being able to see a specialist for my Thyroid. I’m thankful for my son Will and that you gave him to us through such a struggle.

Thank you for Annso, the best woman and human being on the planet. How did I get her? How does she love me? I guess I’ll never know. Thank you for John being back and for the staff we have here helping us run Hale Ola so we can pay attention to Will and I can lay a bit lower because of my sickness. Thank you for forgiveness and the ability to come to you over and over.

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“The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies Me.” (Psalm 50:23)

Nelson’s journal 4/6/22  

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Baby Will is 22 days old, already going through his first life-crisis. His non-stop crying has pulled Nelson and Ann Sophie into the crisis, too, unsure about how to handle it. All three of them are worn out and frazzled, wondering if something could be seriously wrong.

Nelson still doesn’t feel good and is dealing with a variety of uncomfortable symptoms but is taking the recommended meds for a possible thyroid problem.

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April 5, 2022 

 5:30am. We almost went to the ER last night because of the constant unrest and crying in our little baby boy Will. Can’t settle, nothing works, seems like stomach pain. Maybe acid, GERD, or probably Colic like I had when I was young [for 3 months].

Thinking about it lasting for 12 weeks is hard to handle. It’s pretty much a full time job for the two of us, so the other one can get a break. When a baby is screaming, it’s hard to handle it for hours on end without a rest. Not to mention, I’m sure it’s even harder for him.

We are praying, Sherina [midwife, right] is coming over, and I dumped $50 last night on natural gas and other remedies. I just got him up, fed him about half of what I would like to have seen him eat, and put him back. Glad to even see that happen. Normally, he doesn’t go down easy. It’s at least an hour of trying to calm him and many attempts before anything really takes.

Maybe it’s spiritual warfare and there’s my thyroid sickness on top of it, which makes the whole thing just a little edgier. Meanwhile, my last sermon is this Sunday, and I haven’t decided on the passage yet.

I’ll be glad to put that season behind me at long last. I learned a lot of things, one of which is that I am not really a pastor at heart. The teaching, preaching thing, yes, but calling and checking up on people, listening, and spending time are things I do out of duty. Maybe it’s all this time in Kokua Crew and YWAM that’s burned me out.

Derek [left] comes in next week and we lend him the Miata. It’s great to be able to pay him back for all his generosity to me over the years.

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Today, I’m thankful for Will going back to bed so easily. I’m thankful for Annso and her positive attitude. I’m thankful for our place here in Kona for so long, and the position we have and all the trust the campus gives us. I’m thankful for our Kokua Crew and how nice they always are to us, and for progress with the thyroid. I pray for healing for me and for Will. I’ve always taken my health for granted, but now I realize what a gift being healthy really is.

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“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22)