The Best Kind of Love

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Yesterday at Walmart I was drawn to the glitter and glitz of a Valentine card display. Fantasizing about which one I might have chosen for Nate, I picked up several that said, “For my husband.” Although he didn’t particularly relate to the preprinted messages in greeting cards, he loved the words I wrote at the end and saved every one. Some he took to the office and taped to his door.

As I smiled remembering his unabashed devotion, my attention was drawn to a couple at the other end of the card rack. They had ten years on me and were nothing special to look at with his high-water pants and her 1970’s “Stretch ‘n Sew” slacks. What made me notice them, however, was their behavior toward each other. For a couple in their seventies, probably married 50 years, it was exceptional.

While I pretended to look at the cards, the two of them gradually made their way down the row, taking samples out of the rack, reading them, putting them back. She’d say, “Oh honey, look at this one. Would that be good for Sara? It’s funny.”

He’d read it and chuckle. “You’re right. That’s funny! Let’s look some more.” 

As they moved closer to me, I could hear they were hunting for grandchildren-Valentines, searching for the perfect message in each one. Most impressive, though, was the good time they were having with each other.

“Aw, look at this one. It’s so sweet, just like Anna.” The wife would agree, yet they’d keep hunting, savoring their task.

“How ‘bout this, dear? Eight cards for $4! Should we get that instead?” he’d say.

“Maybe we should buy one expensive card for each family and include the kids in those. What do you think?”

“They’d think we took the easy way out,” and he’d laugh.

These two captivated me, and I watched until my periphery vision got sore. God meant marriage to be just like them, give-and-take interest in each other’s opinion. Whether choosing a greeting card or buying a home, their M.O. would work well.

I once heard Howard Dayton, head of a financial ministry, tell the story of how listening to his wife’s point if view on an investment saved him tens of thousands of dollars. He urged husbands to seek their spouse’s opinions on money matters, even if their women had no investment savvy.

James Dobson, head of a ministry to families, agreed, counseling wives to consider their husband’s ideas whether or not it made sense at the time, because God uses husbands to funnel wisdom to wives.

Despite my not having a husband anymore, watching this older couple was delightful. They modeled exactly what the experts described. But from my vantage point, having lost my partner, I wondered how they’ll handle the grief that one day will come to one or the other when death arrives. Shared shopping trips will end, along with every other togetherness-event.

But that’s the cost of a good marriage… and it’s worth every emotional cent.

“People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)

Sister-Advantage

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My sister Mary and I were born 20 months apart. She’s older… and much wiser. Mary’s been my leader and defender since I was born, and I don’t deserve her.

For example, she’s given her last two Fridays to me as a painting partner at the cottage, priming and then semi-glossing the woodwork around all my new windows. In the process she also accomplished the thankless job of painting our “Harry Potter Closet,” the hard-to-reach cubbyhole under the stairs. But painting the underside of steps while lying on her stomach and twisting her neck upward was no problem for Mary. “I’d love to do it,” she said.

And that’s her, always saying, “I’d love to do it.”

Years ago one of my friends gave me a coffee mug that says, “No, I can’t bring 4 dozen cookies. Next question?” I love my mug and quickly related to its sentiment. Mary, however, probably wouldn’t be able to drink from it. She’d rather bake the cookies.

Mom once told me, “Next to your father, Mary is the most Christ-like person I know.” She was right. Mary’s always thinking one step ahead of the rest of us. For instance, she keeps my calendar commitments in her head along with her own, hoping she can help. She’ll say, “Do you have a ride to the airport on the 5th? If not, I’ll take you.” I’m thinking, “Where am I going on the 5th?” and she’s already arranging transportation. But that’s Mary, the biblical poster child for putting the interests of another ahead of her own.

As little girls we were polar opposites. She was quiet; I was boisterous. She was careful; I was sloppy. She obeyed the rules; I tested them. Yet somehow our relationship grew into a strong friendship that’s only gotten stronger with the decades. I’m continually learning from her sterling example and will never catch up.

When Nate had his cancer, she and I often left the house briefly to have prayer times in her car. When I held back tears at the cottage to spare children and grandchildren, beach walks with Mary were my safe times to open the flood gates. When Nate died, Mary was there, as she had been for days leading up to that. And in the 15 months since I’ve become a widow, she’s driven from Chicago to Michigan every Thursday to spend several days cheering and fortifying her grieving sister.

Best of all, though, is our relationship as sisters-in-the-Lord. Mary knows her Bible (because she reads it through each year), and I often ask, “Where is that one verse about…?” She knows. As a Bible study leader she studies Scripture intently and has, in the process, become more and more like its Author. As Mom said, Christ-like.

Today after cleaning her paint brush and pulling on her boots she said, “What are you planning to blog about tonight?”

I said, “You.”

“Oh no. You shouldn’t.”

But of course, I knew she’d say that.

“She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.” (Luke 10:39)

Finding a Champion

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Because we raised four sons, our driveway resembled a used car lot or even a junk yard. The boys became experts at finding automotive bargains and owned many a car with a sticker price under $500.

They knew how to fix most of what was wrong with their purchases and usually kept them running for years at a time. Collision insurance was unnecessary, and “ride-pride” was never a problem.

One of those cars, a Chevy Nova bought as a college-car for $400, has become a family legend. Bought eight years ago from a librarian who drove it only three blocks to work and back each day, it’s become the longest-owned vehicle of the 61 cars we’ve owned over 41 years. It was actually sold two times, but none of us felt right about that. In both cases it was quickly bought back.

Like a homing pigeon, this car keeps coming back to us. I wrote about its coat of many colors (six of them) in another post [June 26, 2010], and now it boasts a seventh identity, snow-camouflage, the perfect fit for a Michigan winter.

Last weekend Nelson bought it back yet again from a friend in TN who had owned it only a month. In driving the eight hours home, he couldn’t get over its excellent performance: 30 miles per gallon, straight-arrow handling and a steady ride even at 85 mph.

Some cars are lemons, some are champions. Although this car has a few cosmetic flaws, we aren’t surprised when strangers offer to buy it. Even this week another would-be buyer wondered if it was for sale.

I know a handful of people who are much like this car. They remain fresh and interesting no matter how old and refuse to be discouraged or give up on life.  Enthusiasm for each new day runs high, and their optimism is infectious. They have the rare ability to find something good in even miserable circumstances and then focus on those.

God works this way, too, pointing out the positives to us, particularly when we’re surrounded by negatives. He says, “I know you feel unlovable, but remember that Almighty God loves you more than you’ll ever know,” or “Yes, this day will be a challenge for you, but I’ve gone ahead and made the rough places smooth,” or “I understand how lonely you feel, but isn’t it great to know I’ll be with you, no matter what?”

And one thing is certain: God will never sell us out and promises we’ll never get taken from him either. He’s paid a dear price for us, and we’ll always belong to him.

Always.

“I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.” (John 10:28)