Though Nelson is discouraged in this entry about the intensity of his joint pain, he got some startling news from a long-term friend that briefly took his mind off of it.

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November 10, 2022

“If I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.” (Psalm 66:18)

Every time I go over this one, I check myself to see if there is sin in my heart that I’m holding onto. Because if this principle is true across the board, we are not wise if we hold only sin and separate ourselves from the one Person who can save us and hear our prayers.

There are tons of crows outside the apartment belting out their ominous song, if you can really even call it a song.

The pain in my body is pretty high. My joints are all hurting pretty bad. I slept in the chair again last night for the first time in a long time. Seems like steps backward instead of forward.

I thought I was back to the bed for good, but now I have fluid or whatever accumulating in my lungs again and no way to drain it out. The left catheter isn’t working at all, and they are going to install another one on the right side Friday.

I just found out my friend Ken has colon cancer, metastasized and deadly, spread to the liver. He told me they give him 7-9 months without treatment and a couple years with it. Wow.

I know what it’s like to get that kind of news. I was just saying last night that I feel alone, because no one else has what I have, and no matter how much of a friend someone wants to be, they don’t have what I have and don’t know what it’s like. You’re really on your own.

But now Ken and I are in it together. We both have the same thing, more or less.

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“Encourage one another and build one another up…” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Nelson’s cancer is producing new difficulties, but the Mayo Clinic doctors are charging full speed ahead in their attempts to mitigate his troubles. Cousin Luke, too, factors in by bringing Nelson some breathing relief.

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November 9, 2022

So I resumed the chemo drugs again this morning, as planned. Due to the fact that I just had Covid and have been having trouble draining my lungs of fluid, the team opted to pause until this morning. l can’t tell a whole lot in the way of side effects yet, but here we go again…

In other news, I have a blood work-up scheduled for 8:40 am at the clinic tomorrow, a 9:25 am meeting with one of my Oncology docs, and a 2:55 pm Echocardiogram (heart) so they can get a clearer picture of what’s going on.

And what is going on?

Well, everything has been really great on most fronts other than low oxygen levels and shortness of breath. I can’t breathe so well, especially at night, and when I asked about it, they answered with these tests and this meeting.

Being out of breath at a resting position is disconcerting at a minimum. Waking up in the middle of the night feeling like you’re drowning is no fun at all.

I am thankful I have an oxygen machine at the house, thanks to my cousin Luke (left), who just happened to have one lying around.

So overall, I’m blessed. Chemo drugs are working. I can manage pain and side effects fairly well, and life with the family is going great. However, I want things to move faster than they are, but here I am, taking steps back into the land of breathing machines and tests like we did back in May.

But I guess that’s what people mean when they say they are fighting cancer for years. You wonder, “How long will this go on, Lord?” It gives new meaning to the Psalms that go on and on about that.

My friend told me it’s a mind game, which is true. Most battles are won and lost on the battlefield of the mind. Attitude is everything and even affects the outcome on lots of things. But as Ben Franklin said, “Well done is better than well said.”

Who can really pull it off? Who can stay positive and overcome when it’s lonely at night? None of the people who are around me are sick like I am, so it does feel lonely. I hope I can overcome. I want to stay positive.

I try to use the “tools” I have been given to get through it. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” ~ Serenity Prayer

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The Lord says, “I am with you always…” (Matthew 28:20)

This journal entry is written six days before Nelson and his little family move from the rental apartment into the old/new house. Nelson can’t work physically like he used to, but he’s stunned by the many friends who’ve stepped up to help.

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November 8, 2022

Reading the Psalms in the dark kitchen like usual before dawn. Daylight savings was last weekend.

Hear my voice, O God, in my complaint; preserve my life from dread of the enemy. (Psalm 64:1)

I feel the fear of the treatment coming before I even take the pill. I fear the fevers, the vomiting, the whole thing, but I pray that you, Lord would preserve my life from dread of the enemy.

It’s potentially a big day working at the house. I have helpers coming from church, and it’s up to me to keep them stocked with stuff to do. Yesterday, I wasn’t so up for that, and I let it slide a little.

Helpers hit me with a thousand questions about what is the plan. Usually, I’m good at this stuff, and for years I have been, staying up late the night before, going to Home Depot, reserving rental equipment so things go off without a hitch, but I’m not that man right now.

I need your help Lord, to know how to navigate this short season before we move in next week. There have been so many of these, Lord, like the one where I was online applying for insurance, and getting this apartment here. There was the loan process itself, which seemed to take forever. Seasons of work with an end.

I need to work hard during this short little season and for me, that doesn’t mean lifting and working, as much as it means supervising and getting supplies for the work others are helping me do. I pray, Lord, for your help with that.

I pray, Lord, that they can find a solution for the fluid buildup that’s coming back into my lungs. I thought we were over that, but now it’s happening again, and the medical supply company won’t deliver the canisters [bottles]. I pray for a breakthrough there.

Forgive my selfish prayers, Lord. So much all about me and our stuff. I pray for Lars, and Klaus, for Hans, and Linni, for Britt and Weeze. We have quite the family all doing our things. Almost all of us have kids now, but I pray we can maybe get together on Thanksgiving down at Mom’s place.

I pray that you would kindle an increasing love and desire for you in each of their hearts. That we would pray for each other and get closer to you in the process. Maybe this nightmare that’s happening to me is designed to serve that purpose. May it be so then, Lord.

I pray you would take away this searing back pain. I don’t know what brought it on, but please take it away, Lord. You are the healer and for that I need you now more than ever. Thank you for Kevin and Dennis and their offer to help us with the house.

Thank you that we have the house and are able to work on it. What a dream come true. Give me the wisdom to know how to use them. Turned out good today with Kevin. He came and took a pretty good load of stuff away in his trailer. Always lots of stuff to haul away at an old house like this one.

I am so thankful for these church folks. We have about 6 more days to work before we move in, so that’s the deadline. My chemo pills could affect things, but for now, it’s forward march.

I’m thankful for the health. I do have lung fluid building up again, so that’s negative. A catheter to drain it will be reinstalled Friday (today is Tuesday) so that’s a step backwards, but it’s nice to have them willing to do it.

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“A friend loves at all times.” (Proverbs 17:17)

(I’m traveling now but will resume Nelson’s journal entries on March 25.)