Getting Out

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In my first year as a widow, I took 11 trips, accumulating 17,000 frequent flyer miles and clocking 28,000 highway miles. I’m not sure how that happened, and traveling certainly hadn’t been my goal. My honest intention after Nate died was just to burrow in at home and think about whatever God put on my mind.

But when new babies come, grandmas go!

Although I did fly and drive to spend time with faraway friends and family, I didn’t do much locally. Last September was Nate’s and my first autumn living in Michigan, and we fully intended to begin putting roots down immediately. We wanted to serve in our new church and get better acquainted with our neighbors, thinking we might host a casual supper for everyone on our street.

But right then cancer hit, and we were forced to begin a completely different journey. We couldn’t go to church because of the severity of Nate’s illness, and our neighbors graciously gave us space and privacy (while somehow managing to put food on our doorstep).

After Nate died and my kids and grandkids returned to their regular lives, those in our neighborhood began stepping forward with loving invitations. “Would you come for dinner? Does the church concert interest you? Could you use the extra banquet ticket I have? Want to come for game night? join our book club? go out for pizza?”

These kind invitations came in between my unpacking and repacking sessions when I was craving time alone. Saying “no” to each request, I felt guilty and unfriendly. The one invitation I did accept turned into a debacle; I forgot to go. They were understanding, but I still feel badly about it.

Meeting new people, answering questions and trying to smile was nearly impossible in those early months. My insides ached, and no amount of “want-to” helped.

But today is a different day. Life is getting better. The ache, although still there, is less pronounced, and tears aren’t just beneath the surface anymore. So when my next-door-neighbor Linda invited me to her Bible study, I said “yes”.

This morning, about twenty of us gathered at a church five minutes away to learn from Hebrews 6. All ages were represented among the women, and our young leader did an exceptional job teaching us and then drawing thoughts from her students. She was a superb listener, incorporating every comment into her instruction.

As I sat with Hebrews on my lap, I sensed the room was full of biblically seasoned women from whom I could learn much. Quite a few of them were widows. We talked of our sure hope in Christ and of him being our anchor during rough times. We paused over the mention of Abraham, whom we see as running ahead of God’s promise, but who God saw as “waiting patiently.” (6:15) What a relief to know God has realistic expectations of us, without judging us as failures.

It was a joy to dig into God’s Word with these women today, and I’m looking forward to next week. Since the last 12 months were chuck-full of travel, maybe the next 12 will be dominated by stay-at-home time…  including time to faithfully attend Bible study.

“All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true…” (2 Timothy 3:16a)

What a difference a year makes.

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Linnea just sent an interesting email. She and Adam had been talking about the many changes each one in our family has experienced in the past year:

Nelson sold his landscaping business and rejoined Youth With A Mission full time, leading young people from many nations toward all-out commitments to Christ. Lars worked in Chicago for a year (after 15 years in San Diego) and is currently working back in California for six weeks, in his old insurance office. Linnea and Adam are caring for two children instead of one. Klaus has met the love of his life in our tiny Michigan town. Hans and Katy are raising three children instead of one. Louisa is immersed in Scripture at YWAM’s School of Biblical Studies. Birgitta is making A’s as a double major at the University of Iowa.”

Although change can be difficult and adjustments rocky, the above list is bursting with blessing. The devil came alongside a Christian family and said, “Watch me make a mess of this whole group. I’ll hit the father with an ugly, terminal disease, and that’ll cause the rest of them to spin into despair. Hopefully they’ll blame God for the whole mess.”

But that’s how our enemy operates, hoping to contaminate the testimonies of people who love the Lord. Better yet, he wants to turn them away from God completely. But as the biblical Joseph told his brothers in reference to their evil actions against him, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good.” (Genesis 50:20)

Although my children have lost their father and I’ve lost my husband, something positive has happened, too. From Linnea’s email: “I get why the Bible says it’s better to mourn than to laugh. Thinking about death makes you live your life better.”

She makes a powerful point. As a result of losing someone precious to all of us, we find ourselves looking at those who are still with us, not just in the Nyman family but all around us. We’re done with thinking length of days is a given. No one is sure of tomorrow or even the rest of today. And from that thought, we find ourselves handling relationships with greater care.

“Did I thank that person for their kindness to me? Have I said ‘I love you’ lately? Did I speak out that compliment I was thinking? Should I apologize for my insensitivity yesterday?”

When it used to be easy to put things off till later, now we know later might not come. The wiser choice is to do it today. That goes for spending time in prayer, studying the one Book that’s everlasting, giving to others, and keeping short accounts with God.

As Linnea wrote, “It’s easier to keep perspective and focus on what matters” after we’ve mourned a great loss.

“Better to spend your time at funerals than at parties. After all, everyone dies—so the living should take this to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us. A wise person thinks a lot about death, while a fool thinks only about having a good time.” (Ecclesiastes 7:2-4)

Remembering the Funeral

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Early this morning, taking advantage of the extra hour afforded by turning back the clocks, I spent some time thinking about Nate’s funeral. I read the blog post from a year ago, then asked God, “What do you want me to think about all this?”

His answer came in a millisecond. “Study My words, not yours.”

It’s always a relief when God answers definitively. On November 7 last year, I ended my blog with a quote from Isaiah 61, because it referenced a “spirit of heaviness” (KJV), which was what I was feeling then. Those verses were God’s answer on that day as to what I should be thinking, so I decided to meditate on that passage.

The words describe Jesus, who would “comfort all that mourn,” and having buried my husband that day, I needed comforting. Lying in bed behind a closed door that night, I asked God to shape my thoughts, and the phrases from Isaiah (see the end of this post) wrapped around me like the layers of a soothing quilt.

A year ago I didn’t study the verses or look into their Hebrew origins but simply took them at face value and accepted the comfort they gave. On a night when I might have tossed and turned until the wee hours, I fell right to sleep.

This morning, one year later, I decided to take a closer look at the Scripture using my Strong’s Concordance. What was it about those phrases that had brought me such comfort? Here are the meanings:

  • to bind up = to wrap firmly (like an Ace bandage that feels good on an injury)
  • to comfort = to feel sorry for (as God shared in my sorrow)
  • beauty for ashes = to remove despair and substitute brightness (transforming a weary face into a rested one)
  • oil of joy = to anoint with costly, perfumed oil (symbolizing fruitfulness to come)
  • garment of praise = to feel like singing again (a song God would supply)

In the year since Nate’s funeral, God has done all of those things in multiples, which makes me want to be part of the last phrase of Isaiah 61:3, “…that the Lord might be glorified.” In addition to God’s generous comfort on that night a year ago, he also placed an opportunity in front of me.

It was as if he said, “Would you be willing to show others how you leaned on Me in your time of need? Would you let people watch Scripture work for you? Would you testify to the profound things I’ll be teaching you? If you’re willing, this will bring Me glory.” I said “yes”, and sharing honestly throughout this year has brought me joy.

When I looked up today after studying Isaiah 61, it was 12:25. Even though I’d had an extra hour, I’d completely missed church!

But then again, not really…

“The Lord has anointed Me to… bind up the broken hearted… to comfort all that mourn… to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness… that the Lord might be glorified.” (Isaiah 61:1-3)