From the Pulpit

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It’s my privilege to pray every Saturday for five preachers I know and admire, as they’re putting the finishing touches on their weekend sermons. I lift up both the pastor-givers and the congregation-receivers of the expounded Word of God.

Although I love and learn from many more than five godly pastors, these are the ones covered in my Saturday prayers:

  • Phil Bubar
  • Erwin Lutzer
  • James MacDonald
  • Colin Smith
  • Greg Waybright

Each of these men have, at one time or another, been Nate’s and my pastor, each one a fellow traveler and a brother-in-Christ. All of them are still shepherding congregations, and our cottage bookshelves are well stocked with books and sermon CDs by these five men, because I hate to miss even one preached message.

When Nate was sick, we conducted our own church services at home, 13 of us gathered in the living room around his lazy-boy chair and a CD-playing computer. We would listen and later talk about the teaching from one of these five men. To a great extent it’s been their faithful preaching over the past 25 years that has enlightened and challenged our family. Through their insights, we’ve been led forward, nourished through painful crises and coaxed to grow.

This morning my girls and I drove 90 minutes to attend Moody Church’s morning service for a very special reason: Pastor Erwin Lutzer was planning to preach about death and dying. All of us have had death on the brain for quite some time, Nate’s death in particular, and I was eager to hear Pastor’s teaching.

To our great delight, in his sermon he used Nate as an example of a man who died well, someone who acquiesced without protest to the surprise end-date given him by a team of oncologists last September. Nate could have lashed out in anger, turned away from God, or gotten stuck in denial by expecting healing before he died. Instead, he squared off with his own mortality and by doing so, Pastor said, was a witness of Christ.

What encouragement it brought to our still-aching hearts to hear Nate’s own words read from the pulpit today: “It’s really not about how many years a person gets. Rather its how we use the ones we have. It’s not about the number of candles on the cake but rather how good the cake tastes. If I could sign on a dotted line to get out of this, my pen would already be out of my pocket. But in the end, it all boils down to two things, just as the old hymn says: trust and obey.” (See Oct. 7, 2009 post, “A Message from Nate” or Sept. 27 post, “CANCER!”)

I remember well the evening those sentences came out of Nate’s mouth. He wanted to compose a blog post for GettingThroughThis.com, and I was thrilled he was able to put his thoughts into words so well, only two weeks after receiving his terminal diagnosis. We had gone upstairs immediately after dinner that night, as was our pattern, leaving the hustle and bustle of family downstairs. His painful back always felt better lying prone, on ice packs.

The two of us relished this private hour each evening before he got too sleepy to continue talking. We would read encouraging emails laced with powerful Scriptures, and we’d speak to each other about his impending death, the most excruciating conversations any husband and wife can have.

When he said he was ready to dictate a post, he slowly, painfully, stood up next to the bed, wanting to do it right. As he spoke the words while I typed, his matter-of-fact demeanor astounded me.

Today Nate’s heartfelt message was quoted through a microphone to thousands of people, and my heart swelled with joy to hear this witness of Christ once more. God wastes nothing, including Nate’s agonizing cancer and his earthly finish. The Lord’s purposes in our lives, even through anguish, are always meant for our good.

”We know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

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And one last quote from Nate’s mouth: “I’ve been able to attend the best churches in the country and have been taught by the greatest preachers.”

Amen to that!

I thought so.

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When Birgitta and I were touring a university campus last week, our student guide stopped in front of the psychology building and said, “There’s a giant lecture hall in here with a stage. The professor chose this room so students could see when he performed psychological experiments such as hypnotizing volunteer students.” Our tour leader laughed as he told of the crazy stunts the professor commanded these students to do while they were “under”.

I’ve always told my kids never to allow anyone to hypnotize them and hope Birgitta, as a future college student, will never volunteer for such an experiment. Turning over mind-control to someone else is a dangerous proposition… unless that someone is God.

God doesn’t play mind games with us. As a matter of fact, my mind has been rescued multiple times when I’ve gone off the deep end in my thinking, whether its worry, panic or fear. My frequent prayer has been, “Please tell me what to think right now.” When life spins out of control, I’d rather have the all-knowing God directing my thoughts than my own troubled mind.

In recent weeks, as I’ve tried to process Nate’s cancer and death, I’ve needed God’s mind-control again and again. Certain scenes have bothered me to the point of torment. A handful of regrets have regularly accused me, and fear sometimes threatens at the edge of my thought life. When these things happen, I’ve found it helpful to pray immediately and ask God to “erase that thought.” And he’s done it every time.

It happened again yesterday. I was bothered by remembering something I’d insensitively said to someone, deeply regretting it. Again and again it came to mind, upsetting me anew each time. But there are no do-overs in situations like this, so I asked the Lord to please take that destructive thought out of my mind and never let it return. Today I couldn’t tell you what it was. It’s gone. I remember that I was bothered but can’t remember over what.

This is the kind of mind control God offers. It’s completely safe and accomplishes a cerebral house cleaning unavailable in any other way. And better than that, a mind submitted to the Lord can eventually become Christ-like. Scripture assures us we can have “the mind of Christ,” should we desire it. For example, as we try to understand spiritual truth through the Holy Spirit’s guidance, we’re using our minds as Christ used his.

When we suffer well or humble ourselves or refuse to complain, we’re using our minds as Christ did. Each of these is nearly impossible, though, without first turning our minds over to him, swapping our control for his. And when I ask him to erase a recurring memory that’s disturbing me, I’m asking to think like Christ. I’m thankful for the opportunity to ask, and grateful when he answers by ridding my mind of toxic debris.

Whatever was distressing me yesterday isn’t bothering me a bit today, because I can’t remember what it was.

“Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” (Romans 12:2b)

Gone… with the Wind?

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I’m not alone when I say “Gone with the Wind” is my choice for the best movie of all time. I saw it first while in high school in the early sixties and have seen all 222 minutes of it again and again since then, ten times in all. Last night I saw it once more, but this time everything was different.

Mary and I noticed a local theater here in Michigan showing some of the old classics. When we realized “GWTW” was playing this week, we made immediate plans to go. And when the young man selling tickets said, “That’ll be three dollars…” we looked at each other in surprise.

“How come so cheap?” Mary asked.

“Well, look at how old the movie is,” he said, eyeing us as if we might not know.

We skipped supper so we could have popcorn, Coke and Dots for dinner at the theater, and as the orchestra music began, both of us felt that old thrill of going back to the 1860s to spend time with our favorite characters.

Because “GWTW” is a chronicle of life during the Civil War, death and dying is present throughout the movie. But three poignant death scenes jumped off the screen like never before. The first was when the heroine, Scarlett, arrived home to find that her mother had died just the day before. Watching Scarlett react to this dreadful news made me use up both of my pocket tissues.

Later, after the 15 minute intermission, Scarlett’s five year old daughter died after being thrown from a pony. Watching her father battle intense grief over losing the love of his life made me cry, too. The third death, that of Scarlett’s angelic friend Melanie, was almost too much. Good thing I’d gone to the washroom during intermission for more tissue.

Although none of these deaths had ever made me cry before, this time death has touched me closely, and my perspective has been skewed accordingly. Watching the characters respond to the deaths of loved ones drew me into their sorrow and exacerbated my own. I thought of Jesus weeping outside the tomb of his good friend Lazarus. The biblical verb used describes him not just tearful but in anguished sobs.

Today I’ve thought about the movie often, particularly those three death scenes, and still feel a heavy load of grief. It’s silly, of course, to relate so emotionally to the characters of “Gone with the Wind.” They were just acting, and their tears weren’t based in reality.

But a great deal of my own grieving isn’t based in reality, either. It’s rooted in longings, wishes and if only’s. Love doesn’t evaporate when the object of that love disappears. If anything, it grows. What is a person to do with this increasing love? Without the presence of the one who is being loved, the only thing left to do is cry.

Jesus cried, too. He wept over death. I understand.

”When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, ‘See how he loved him’!” (John 11:33, 35-36)