Sneak Peek #7

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Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

Children born into the same family have different physical appearances, so why isn’t it obvious that their insides are different too? The desire of mothers to lump them together stems from a need to simplify very active lives.

Logic says that what was good for the first should be good for the second. But as moms study their newborns, it isn’t long before differences emerge. The first baby might have been fussy, the second content. The first wakeful, the second sleepy. The first vocal, the next quiet. And suddenly the mothering job gets harder, because what worked for one fails to work for the other.

That’s the way it is when God is in charge. He’s full of ideas and never runs out of ways to make people unique. We believe He puts divine thought into the creation of each person, plucking some characteristics from parents, some from grandparents, and some from out of nowhere. As He puts people together, it’s probable He does so with great pleasure.

It makes sense, then, that He hopes mothers will hunt for—and appreciate—the differences in the children He sends. No one knows your child better than you do. And if you’re able to slow down long enough to study him carefully, you’ll understand why he responds to you and others as he does.

Once you learn who he is at his core, you can effectively train up your child in the way he should go (Proverbs 22:6). In other words, you can nudge him in the direction God has already programmed him to shine. As you put thought and energy into how to do this, the Lord will bless you with practical ideas, since He faithfully reinforces those who follow His lead.

If you try to squeeze your square peg into a round hole, you’ll find you have to work twice as hard on your kids than a mom who simply goes along with God’s natural giftings within the child. Most adults have experienced the rich satisfaction of using their natural abilities. Rather than a drain, it’s rewarding and often fun.

Forcing ourselves to do something that doesn’t come naturally is both exhausting and frustrating. Children will make strong progress when cheered in the right direction, and God gives moms the coveted position of providing the approval and applause our children need to learn and grow.

SIDEBAR: WORDS THAT AFFIRM YOUR CHILD

  • You’re really good at that!
  • I like what you made.
  • You are very special to me.
  • Let’s play together, whatever you choose.
  • What careful work you do!
  • You are a gift from God.
  • Thank you for obeying quickly.
  • You’ve been a big help to me today.
  • I enjoy being with you.
  • I love you!

Sneak Peek #6

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Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

Little children give moms lots to complain about. They’re messy, loud, demanding, and needy, and that’s just on the good days. Coping with all of this is enough to send a young mom into a tizzy. I (Mary) am going to do a little true confessing here, sharing a motherhood moment I regret to this day, forty years after the fact.

Julia and Karl, ages three and two, were playing happily in the bathtub while I ran back and forth from the next room, working on a project and occasionally checking on them. When it was time to get out of the tub, I instructed them to put all the toys back into the basket, and then I went back into the next room.

When I returned a few minutes later, they had done just the opposite of my instructions. They’d thrown the toys (along with lots of water) all over the bathroom floor, laughing hard at their fun idea. Because it was an overfull day and I was rushing, my response was far from ideal.

I swung my leg back and kicked a plastic truck as hard as I could, flinging it above their heads into the tub wall where it broke into pieces. And it gets worse. Rather than remorse over my anger, my thought was, That’ll show ’em! And I felt really good.

But several hours later I asked myself, What good did that do? What did I teach them by losing my temper as I did? Though neither of them remembers the incident, I certainly do, and I wish I’d shown more self-control. I missed an opportunity to model a quality character trait: forgiveness.

SIDEBAR: CHARACTER TRAITS TO MODEL

  • Integrity
  • Cheerfulness
  • Kindness
  • Patience
  • Gratitude
  • Diligence
  • Perseverance
  • Optimism
  • Forgiveness

Sneak Peek #5

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Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

In your effort to succeed at mothering, be sure to take advantage of your very best asset: the Lord. Remind yourself often that your children don’t really belong to you but to Him. After all, by the time you found out you were pregnant, He had already been secretly at work for many days.

According to the Bible, throughout those nine months God was quite active in your womb, establishing your child’s personality, will, temperament, and much more, by way of DNA. He was actively weaving your baby’s parts together, readying him for life on earth. Though God did include you in the process, the end result was really a compilation of His choices.

Once your baby is born, it doesn’t make sense that the Lord would step aside and let you own His project. He gave you a critical role to play as the mother, and His hope is high that you’ll invite Him to share in your efforts. He knows it’s a big job with far-reaching consequences, so He offers to help.

It makes perfect sense that God wants to share in the responsibility of raising His children. And on those days when the heavy emotional weight of motherhood settles over you, He wants to share in that too. As you manage your children day to day, the Lord gives you a wide berth to be as creative as you like. But it makes sense to bring Him into the entirety of your mothering, since He knows your children even better than you do.

He created each one to be exactly as they are, placing them into your care, not someone else’s. He equipped you with everything you need to raise them, and He believes you will do an excellent job. God sees every child as a major blessing, and He actually died to save them. Everything that happens to and around them is keenly important to Him.

So when you’re struggling with something, whatever it is, ask Him what you should do. He’s the Creator, and His supply of ideas never runs dry. If you ask, He’ll put one of them into your head. And because He has never failed, if you follow His instructions, that idea is bound to work.

SIDEBAR: WHEN YOU PRAY

  • God hears your prayers
  • God cares about ordinary things.
  • God sees everything at all times.
  • God usually requires you to wait for answers.
  • God does answer your prayers.