Sneak Peek #4

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Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

I (Margaret) recall a morning when our oldest three children were off at school and the younger two, Klaus and Hans, were ages two and one. After driving the carpool, I was having trouble tackling the breakfast dishes because two little boys were tugging on my legs, whining in discontent, and making me miserable. I felt like a tree they were trying to climb.

I’d done my best to distract them. “Look over there, Hans. Isn’t that your favorite truck? Rrrum-rrrum!” “Klaus, would you like an ice cube to play with? Here, have a whole bowl of them!” But nothing worked.

I don’t know what possessed me, but I decided to get down on their level to see what they were seeing. On the floor I knee-walked the length of the kitchen counter and back to the sink area, looking up. The problem was evident. My toddlers were trying to climb me simply because they couldn’t see what I was doing.

As they watched from below, they saw my arms moving and heard water flowing, but everything else was out of their line of vision. All toddlers long to participate in the activity at hand, so their low vantage point produced great frustration. Just to see if I’d been right, I put Klaus on a kitchen chair near the sink and plopped Hans atop the counter. Once they could see, the whining stopped, and both boys bubbled over with good cheer.

Of course no mommy can do this every time she does the dishes. But one way to succeed at mothering is to slow your pace to match your children’s. Maybe here and there in your busy life you can screech to an almost-halt and view life through their eyes. If you do, it’ll increase your willingness to include them in your work as it adds to your storehouse of patience.

My brief knee-walk gave me a valuable perspective on toddlerhood that I haven’t forgotten. Letting two little boys see what their mommy was doing put all three of us into the same slow moment. The boys appreciated it, and thirty years later, I’m still smiling at the memory.

SIDEBAR: A PATH TO SUCCESS

  • Partner with God.
  • Slow your pace.
  • Lower your expectations.
  • Cut unnecessary commitments.
  • Prioritize
  • Enlist help.
  • Find a mentor.
  • Enjoy your children.

Sneak Peek #3

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Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

I (Mary) was pregnant with Karl, who would be joining two siblings – three-year-old Luke and one-year-old Julia. Wanting to keep my skills fresh as a hospital nurse, I bought into the lie that a young mom can do it all. I figured the way to accomplish this was to work the night shift. After all, babies and toddlers still nap during the day, and I could catch up on sleep then.

But one person can’t do the work of two.

I’ll never forget one morning after working all night when I was nearly cross-eyed with fatigue. After my husband left for work, I came up with a plan to get some desperately needed sleep. I locked my two children and myself in our bedroom, figuring I could rest while they played. After all, there was nothing dangerous in the room.

How wrong I was.

Although I hadn’t planned to sleep, in just a minute I was out cold. It didn’t last long, though, as a loud crash, followed by the wails of Julia, woke me with a start. I found my baby lying on the floor bleeding from a gash on her cheek. Somehow she’d managed to pull over a portable wooden crib, which grazed her face on its way to the floor.

After the crisis had passed, I suffered terrible guilt. Every time I looked at Julia’s face, I was reminded of how foolish I’d been to think I could do it all. I failed at motherhood that day and learned a valuable lesson: no one can work all day and all night too. The day after Julia was injured I quit my nursing job.

Every young mother works hard every day, all day. And if your desire is to find success in mothering, you’ll have to repeatedly check your priorities. What’s at the top of the list for you? What follows that? How is your time being spent? And your limited energy?

SIDEBAR:

PRACTICAL WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS

  • Trim your commitments.
  • Pencil in some mommy time.
  • Resist feeling guilty for alone time.
  • Nap with your little ones.
  • Ask your husband to help.
  • Listen to worship music.
  • Go to bed earlier.
  • Enjoy a piece of chocolate.

Sneak Peek #2

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Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

I (Margaret) once watched a hurried mother brisk-walk across a big parking lot, her toddler in tow. The little guy’s legs were a blur as he tried to keep up with the big strides of his mommy, but he was failing. She seemed unaware of his struggle, and every few feet she gave him a yank and a hurry up, as if he was dawdling or resisting on purpose.

This little boy was doing his best, but it wasn’t long before she was tugging him so hard his feet literally left the pavement. This insensitive mother needed to acknowledge that her child wasn’t ready to do what she was asking.

And the solution would have been easy. She could have carried him, pushed him in a cart, or slowed her pace.

Little children need to be allowed to be little. Even Paul of the Bible spoke about this. He wrote, “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things” (1 Corinthians 13:11 NLT). In other words, acting your age—even when it’s only one or two years old—is the way it’s supposed to be. When the time is right, life will insist that childish things be put away.

SIDEBAR: WHEN NOT TO PUSH IT

  • Is it beyond his ability?
  • Does she understand what your words are saying?
  • Is he exhausted?
  • Are you exhausted?
  • Are you reacting rather than acting?
  • Are you angry?
  • Is she getting sick?
  • Are you in a rush?
  • Can the battle be won?