This morning it was a double-whammy. The heart pendant had been my Mom’s, and the gold chain had been Aunt Joyce’s. When Birgitta, Emerald, and I arrived at church, I hadn’t noticed that the necklace had slipped off. Even after today’s communion service, while brushing bread crumbs off my sweater, the necklace hadn’t crossed my mind. But when we arrived back at the car, the gold chain was hanging out of the car door, its crystal heart missing, and I remembered.

I got down on my knees to inspect the parking lot pavement under the car, behind the tires, under neighboring cars. Surely I’d find this pendant that was larger than a quarter and sparkling with flashes of light, but even back home there was no sign of it.

Mid-afternoon we decided to take a group walk with the dog, and that’s when we spotted it, on the way to the back yard to get Jack. Broken in two places, my lovely crystal heart was, indeed, sparkling in the sun, but sadly it was no longer wearable.

Life is full of unexpected disappointments. This one was small compared to many but was definitely an oh-bummer moment. What if the pendant had fallen to the floor one step earlier? It would have hit the soft back-door rug instead of concrete. Or, if it had slipped down just one moment later, it would have landed on the car floor mat. But it fell on that one particular footstep, which ruined it.

Isn’t that the way with many life events? After they happen, we play the what-if game, inwardly longing for a different outcome than the one we got. When we’re through with that, we move to passionate wishing by way of if-onlys, setting up scenarios of how it could have gone better than it did.

What’s wrong with thinking that way?

Several things, the first of which is that no amount of hindsight can rearrange what’s already happened. Second, focusing on what-ifs and if-onlys leads us to repeated feelings of regret and sadness. Third, getting stuck in what-might-have-been often eliminates future opportunities. And lastly, if we’ve given God charge of our lives, could it be that those things we wish hadn’t happened are the very things God wanted us to experience? And if that’s true, then shouldn’t we bear them willingly?

But that’s a tall order when it comes to accepting life’s bigger losses, whether it’s a career, a bank account, a home, a friendship, or worst of all, a person we love. But instead of what-ifs and if-onlys, the Lord wants us to consider thinking “as-is.” If he’s the one behind the events of our lives, accepting them as they are while asking him what to do next will lead to a far more satisfying result.

As for my damaged necklace, I think I’ll keep it…. as is. Even a broken crystal pendant sparkles beautifully.

“Let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him.” (1 Corinthians 7:17)