Are adults too rigid in their thinking?

No one is more flexible than a baby. The way they contort and pretzel themselves makes us wonder if their joints are made of bubble gum. At 11 months, Emerald has no trouble bending her legs straight up to her mouth and nibbling on her toes. She does it often, just for the fun of it. Somewhere along the way, though, gum-like joints change to stiff ones, and unless we’re constantly pursuing the training of a gymnast, we’ll never again put our toes in our mouth (which is not to say we’d want to).

Flexibility should continue to be, however, an important feature of our adult lives in ways other than physically. Take personal opinion, for example. How many of us stubbornly cling to our views even after someone else has made a different but valid point. Sometimes we rigidly refuse to listen at all, leaving others with a negative impression of us.

Older people are often labeled as “rigid”, most frequently by younger people. Since I’m a senior now, I’ve seriously considered this negative reputation, wondering if it’s true. Maybe our refusal to change the way we think is simply a result of more accumulated life experiences than the young. We might feel we “know better” and therefore resent the label.

The truth is, younger people aren’t the only ones doing the labeling. Don’t we oldsters sometimes see their flexibility and call it “youthful foolishness?” So who’s right?

Both groups are probably wrong. The trick to appreciating each other’s points of view is just to listen in love. But do I do that?

Last Sunday our pastor challenged us to insert the pronoun “I” into the Bible’s love chapter (1 Corinthians 13) as a way to assess whether or not we’re showing love to others. Here’s what mine sounded like: “I am patient. I am kind. I don’t boast. I’m not proud. I don’t insist on my own way. My love never ends.”

Ouch.

The holes in my supposedly loving flexibility were as evident as the holes in a young person’s professionally ripped jeans. I knew I had work to do.

For more than half my adult life I’ve lived under the same roof with teens and 20-somethings, and we’ve had our share of clashes. But God has tried to teach me all kinds of things through them, not the least of which is to be flexible in my thinking when hearing them out.

The older I get, the more this phenomenon of learning from the young proves to be a practical way to combat opinion-rigidity. They are pros at listening without judging, seriously considering one another’s take on things. I’ll never be as good at it as they are, but the more I’m willing to bend and stretch to listen lovingly, the greater the chance I won’t get opinion-stiff.

As for ever again being flexible enough to suck on my toes? I’d much rather be nibbling on Emerald’s!