Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

Comparing kids as you decide which classes, teams, or activities to register for can yield a helpful list of reasons why or why not. Second-borns, for instance, almost always follow a path different from their firstborn siblings. A wise mother understands this and doesn’t attempt to make one childhood identical to another. If she insists on uniformity, at least one of her children isn’t being accepted for who he really is.

Studying your children can be a complicated business. After noticing their different leanings, moms automatically compare them to each other. But remind yourself often that from God’s perspective, each stands alone and no talent or gift makes one child superior to another. Even what appears to be a weakness can change into a strength in His hands.

One other caution: since logic says you’ll view your children through your own innate talents, it’s important not to elevate one child over another just because his bent matches yours. Though you may relate more naturally to that youngster, be careful you don’t favor him without realizing it. Both the favored and the unfavored will eventually pick up on it, and the result will be anger and resentment–toward you and the sibling.

Ephesians 6:4 says, “Do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them” (NLT). In other words, if you treat them incorrectly, anger will be the inevitable result. The last half of the verse describes how to treat them well. “Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.”

As you learn all you can about how each of your children is wired, what different instructions do you think God has attached to them? Ask yourself, which activities would work best for her? What encouragement from you will validate the way she was made? What approach will partner with what God is already doing in her life? Raising children is a difficult job, and doing it one by one makes it more so. But your frustrations will be less and disappointments fewer if you follow God’s lead.

SIDEBAR: RESULTS OF COMPARING

• Feelings of inferiority
• Unnecessary jealousy
• Deep emotional wounds
• A sense of being unloved
• Extra stress in mommy
• Denial of natural bents
• Aggression between children