Any of us who’ve lost loved ones to death find our thoughts moving between two different worlds, the here and the hereafter. This back-and-forth thought process includes a pause at a theological stop sign: Christ’s second coming.

According to the calendar of human history, we’re living in that middle ground between Jesus’ first coming and his second, his first as a newborn who grew into our radical Savior, and his second as a Victor in battle.

Once in a while I think, “What if Jesus returned tonight?”

He promised that when he did come back, it would be to defeat evil and escort Christians to heaven. He actually said, “I’ll take you home with me.” (John 14:2)

I love that he’s implying we’ll feel at home when we get to heaven. It’ll be similar to returning home after an arduous journey with a big “ahhh” of contentment. But I’m not really sure I want it to be tonight, and there’s a good reason: I need more time to do better at the Christian life.

Most of us get only 7 or 8 decades on the earth, and it took me about half of those to get into gear in my walk with the Lord. Much of my early life was bare-minimum believing as I straddled a spiritual fence between obedience and rebellion. Even now in my late 60′s, I should be doing much better.

So, I figure, I need more time to keep trying.

Is Jesus reading this and chuckling? Or is he reading it and saying, “You’ve got the right idea.” Being unsure of the answer is an indication of my spiritual immaturity. Of course I’m longing to be with Jesus and walk into his home, discovering the place he’s prepared for me. But as the Bible so aptly puts it,”Night is coming, when no one can work.” (John 4:9) Time to try harder will eventually end.

My hesitation to head to heaven isn’t because I want to earn more glory-points. It’s about feeling bad over personal sin and hoping to become a better daughter to my heavenly Father. There’s just one nagging thought behind my philosophy of wanting more earthly time. What if my condition as a human being is exactly the factor that’s prohibiting greater success at godly living? What if even the most saintly person among us feels just like I do, no matter how many years she’s had to work on it?

In that case, it would be a really good thing if Jesus just came and got us tonight.

“To the one who does not work but trusts God, who justifies the ungodly, their faith is credited as righteousness.” (Romans 4:5)