Last week I took 18 month old Emerald to the beach, and though she’d been there last year as a baby, this time everything was new again. She experimented with different size shovels, enjoyed the toys we’d brought, and worked hard to stay upright on a steep dune. Best of all, though, was touching the sand.
She spent at least 15 minutes picking up fistfuls and rubbing it between her fingers, feeling its texture, watching it fall. Every so often she’d squeal, bubbling over with joy over this new experience.
This morning while reading from Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest, God showed me how Emerald’s behavior at the beach paralleled what is supposed to be our experience as Christians. When she stands up in her crib each morning, Emerald has no idea what her day will bring, and it doesn’t bother her in the least. She has no expectations and approaches each day with eagerness.
Chambers wrote, “We do not know what each day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness; it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation.”
His point? No matter what uncertainties we feel, we can be certain of God. “He packs our life with surprises,” Chambers said. And this is where Emerald comes in. He referred to Matthew 18:3 (“Except you… become as little children”) when he wrote, “Spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God but uncertain of what he is going to do next.” Emerald isn’t uncertain of Birgitta and her capable leadership, protection, and love. She just has no idea what it will look like on any given day.
We adults, however, often find that kind of certainty-in-God difficult to cultivate. It’s much easier to “sigh with sadness” when we can’t at least partially predict the future. This is the frustration Mary was experiencing when she couldn’t decide for or against chemotherapy. And it’s similar now as she approaches treatment. Will the side- effects be debilitating? Will I be able to participate in regular life? Will I lose my hair? Will the chemo kill the cancer? Will it add years to my life?
It seems incongruous to label cancer or chemotherapy “a life-surprise” since a surprise is usually good. But that’s how God wants us to see them.
If we’ve entrusted our lives to his care the way Emerald entrusts herself to Birgitta, we don’t need to know the specifics of what’s ahead.
As Chambers wrote, “When we are rightly related to God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy.”
Joyful uncertainty. Sounds like an oxymoron, but the Lord wants us to joyfully believe the certain things about him, and just let the rest go.
“The plans I have for you,” says the Lord “are plans for good and not for disaster.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
Praising and Praying with Mary
- Praise for a weight gain of 5 pounds!
- Pray for the decision about chemo location, which will probably be made on Wednesday
- Praise for good sleep at night