One of my favorite singers, Eydie Gorme, sang a song so thought-provoking that several years ago I wrote out the lyrics and filed them in a manila folder under “Time”, which was the name of her song.
She sang, “Back when I was young and summer was forever, ‘good’ was your first name.”
For most people, good times fill their youthful years, along with hope for a happy future. I love looking at this picture of Nate taken in early 1971, because seeing him there in our first apartment, dressed as he is, floods my mind with good-time-memories. He was finishing law school, and I was teaching first grade. Although we had very few possessions and minimal money, it was all good times.
And then the clock began moving, ticking even as we slept. Nate graduated, we moved, he became a lawyer, I became a stay-at-home mommy. Seven kids grew up, went to college, moved away, and made us proud. We had weddings and then grandchildren. And in what seemed like a quick minute, time ended, at least for Nate. And my time as his wife ended, too.
Eydie sang, “Time, when did you begin trading your tomorrows for worn out just-todays?”
In January of 2010, when I’d been a widow for three months, I remember sitting in a chair at twilight, my hands in my lap, doing absolutely nothing but listening to the tick-tock of a wall clock. Immobilized by sadness, I didn’t know what to do. It seemed appropriate to just listen to time slipping away. I was worn out by grief, and life had morphed into a series of “worn out just-todays.”
The same wall clock is still ticking today, but I’m feeling much better. Sitting in a chair doing nothing isn’t something I want anymore. I remember Mom saying, as a new widow, “Life will never be the same.” I’m sure that thought floats through the mind of every new widow or widower who has had a satisfying marriage. It dominated my thinking for a long time, too.
It’s true that life can never be the same after a mate dies, and I know I’ll never stop wondering what today, tomorrow or next year would have been like, had Nate been with us. But today, tomorrow and next year can be good again. It’ll just be in new ways.
Eydie sang, “Time, you rolled into years, years that left me walking, when you began to fly.”
Time is indeed flying, and I may be walking rather than flying, but sometimes a long walk can turn out to be a really good time.
“The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong… but time and chance happen to them all.” (Eccl. 9:11)
Praying and Praising with Mary
- I’m thankful my nausea is mild after today’s chemo. Also, my painful feeding tube will most likely be replaced next week.
- Pray for strength and energy to cope with non-stop commitments for a week or so.