When Mary, Tom, and I were children, Mom and 11 other ladies formed a women’s club that met monthly to sew/knit together, share lavish desserts, and become best of friends. These 12 women produced nearly 40 children between them, all of whom grew up thinking they were cousins. As this post-war generation became adults, many of us lost track of each other, though our mothers always seemed to know who went where and did what.
Interestingly, those strong childhood ties have found us reconnecting as we’re all “getting up in years.” Whether it’s gathering to honor one of us at a memorial service or “finding” each other via social media, we seem to pick up right where we left off, a satisfying tribute to youthful friendship.
Last week one of these long-term pals appeared in my email inbox in relation to my sister’s cancer. Albion Fellows Hargrave, generally known as Al, has always been Fellows to us. He turned out to be a successful pediatrician who I haven’t seen since we were both students at Wheaton College 50 years ago. (…when Fellows was a camp lifeguard, at right)
In his email, written from the viewpoint of a medical doctor, Fellows addressed possible fears Mary might be having as she faces surgery and chemotherapy, as well as an important principle about how God factors into all of this.
From his email:
Dear Margaret,
Do you remember when Betty Elliot spoke to us on Job in [Wheaton’s] Chapel in October, 1964? * The take-home message I remembered and that influenced a lot of my practice of medicine for 40 years was, “I am not responsible for God’s behavior.”
One of the things God says to Job is “I cannot answer your questions, but I will never desert you.” The main reason is we do not have the capacity to understand his ways. A very distant approximation would be me explaining to a six month old all the important reasons why we were going to give her four immunization injections.
So many times a mother would tell her child and my patient, “Quit crying! He hasn’t done anything yet.” I would gently correct her and say I had done something very terrifying to the child. I had walked into the room. And then I would remind her that “Fear is one of the worst pains.” Rather tell your child that “Mother understands your fear and wishes she could take it away, but she can’t. However, I can promise you I will not leave you.” The mother did not understand the background, but that was an adaption of God’s promise to us out of Job, as explained by Betty Elliott.
I used it for 40 years [as a pediatrician] and it seemed to be effective. I am not responsible for God’s behavior, but he is, and that is more than enough.
Best regards,
Fellows
“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.” (Isaiah 55:8)
Mary’s prayer requests:
- Praise for continued prayer support
- Praise for peace that surpasses understanding
- To stay “healthy” before surgery
- For meaningful time with family, especially Bervin
*Elisabeth Elliot was a missionary married to Jim Elliot, who was massacred by the very people he was trying to reach for Christ. Betty was 30 years old at the time, with a 10 month old child.