A guy-friend recently said, “I’ve been reading the blog and gosh, I never realized what a saint Nate was.” I’m sure he was also thinking, “He wasn’t really, was he?”
Why does Nate come across that way in the blog posts? I suppose it’s because I’ve chosen to share only the good things. Interestingly, that’s easy now. It’s satisfying. In the years since he died, I’ve missed him terribly and have come to appreciate the “good stuff” anew.
Psychology experts tell us if we’re going to criticize someone, we should first speak out four praises. Thinking I was already doing that, one day many years ago I decided to keep track. Sadly, I was woefully deficient in the praise category.
One thing I learned as I kept my tally, though, was that I could improve with practice. I also discovered something else. When I thought nice things about Nate such as, “He’s such a big help to me,” I often failed to say them. If I asked God to prompt me to turn those thoughts into words, he would, but of course I had to remember to ask.
I did learn one foolproof way to go from my spotty performance to 100% success in my praising, though: to hear the words “terminal cancer.” Those two words caused an instant change in my ways. Now, looking back to the time when Nate was healthy and with me daily, I can see it was pride that kept me from praising him lavishly while I still could have. And it’s pitiful.
I wonder how marriages would change if wives and husbands agreed to make only uplifting statements to one another for a month in an effort to establish new patterns. This would mean swallowing every word of criticism before it came out and letting go of all desire to change the other person. It would mean continually ignoring the bad and highlighting the good… as I’m now finding is so rewarding to do.
God knew this wouldn’t come naturally for us, but that didn’t stop him from urging us to reach for it. When the Lord addresses our partnerships (husbands and wives, soldiers and leaders, brothers and sisters, church members, parents and children, business partners), he urges us to be positive with our words. As a matter of fact, he elevates this to best-possible-activity level, telling us it actually brings him glory when we do it.
After nearly 5 years without Nate, my inner wish is that I could go back and try again. I know I could do much better now…. maybe even be saintly.
“May God, who gives… patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. Accept each other just as Christ has accepted you, so that God will be given glory.” (Romans 15:5,7)
Praising and Praying with Mary
- A new anti-nausea drug has worked perfectly today – NO nausea!
- The feeding tube options aren’t quite as good. I’ll see a GI specialist in a week to decide what to do. Please pray for wisdom then, and for decreased pain now.
- Pray I’ll be able to continue helping with wedding preparations and hosting kids and grandkids this coming week.