This morning I had a meltdown, a 20 minute cry over my sister Mary and her cancer. As the days pass and additional medical recommendations are made for her treatment, all of us are increasing in hope for a brighter future than we first thought. Time after time I have to remind myself this isn’t a repeat of my husband’s rapid-fire cancer, and we are NOT approaching Mary’s final days.
This morning, however, I lost sight of that for a few minutes. But it wasn’t just that.
Mary and Bervin’s son Luke has been an extraordinary asset to his parents since her diagnosis on February 15. As a highly successful consultant to hospitals around the country, Luke has absorbed a wealth of medical information, not just about specific doctors and health care institutions but about patient care, therapeutic drug use, and diagnostic testing.
Since the diagnosis, Luke has been Mary’s medical champion and full time troubleshooter. Although I know only a fraction of what he knows, he and I jive perfectly on one thing: Job-One is to protect Mary from all harm.
For example, we’ve known from the very first day that too many phone calls, texts, and visits would overwhelm and exhaust her. So Luke and I talked about that and have steadily worked to shield her from an overdose of social life ever since.
Yesterday, for instance, a group of ladies very dear to Mary emailed me with the hope they could spend time with her today. I texted Mary for her opinion, but when I didn’t hear back, I made the decision to handle it myself. I told them a visit would be too much for her and that they shouldn’t do it. I wrote, “How about notes or flowers instead?”
Eventually Mary and I talked about their request to visit, and since these women were from out of town, she opted to let them come. This morning, as I mentally constructed an apologetic email to the ladies, it hit me that as passionately as I want to protect my sister from harm, I can’t really do it. And it’s not because of phone calls, texts, and visits.
Mary has cancer! And I can’t do anything to defend her from this enemy’s ongoing assault. That was the real reason for my morning meltdown.
As I talked to God about it through this day, he gradually convinced me that it doesn’t really matter if I can’t protect my sister. He told me, in no uncertain terms, that that’s his job. “I’ve got this,” he said.
And so, although cancer does have the powerful ability to cause meltdowns, God has the greater ability to protect Mary in whatever way he chooses.
“This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you.” (Psalm 91:2,6,9-10)
Mary’s prayer requests:
- For courage and confidence in the Lord
- For God’s will to be done
- Continued prayer for her kids
Thanks!